I have talked to this mother and other mothers in a small gifted group that meets up about testing, curriculum, this forum, etc. I have even sent this group my livebinders (one of them -
http://www.livebinders.com/play/play?id=637677&backurl=/shelf/my (others under wivenhoe) which includes a DYS link.
This particular mother is anxious, I know (and probably jealous too). She's told me that she keeps feeling like her daughter is missing something or missing out on something. She's got her daughter in many extracurricular activities and programs. She's been told her daughter is gifted, but so far has refused to get her tested. I know she's not confident at all about homeschooling. She's insecure and really believes that IF she can just get the right adult-directed curriculum, get her daughter to follow a program, achieve high scores on tests, etc. - that she'll be set. Though, I really wonder if they ever believe they'll be set. I tend to think if they had a pg kid that they would still be anxious regardless if they had perfect SAT scores at aged 10 or something. These people are so consumed by performance that they can't see the forest from the trees.
Today I was reading Peter Gray's book, Free to Learn, and thinking about my 2e pg son, the situation with these tiger Moms, etc. I don't know if anyone here has read the book, but it sums up the situation. Many parents today want to direct/protect their children and control their education to the nth degree. This mother is no different.
Many, many parents today are anxious about the future. They're nervous about future job prospects for their children. I don't blame people for being anxious, it's just I don't want it shoved other people's anxiety and jealousy in my face.
Last I bumped into this mother, I did say that each child progresses at their own rate and that when her daughter is ready she'll start doing 4th, 5th, or 6th grade work. I said that just because my son is doing 4th, 5th, or 6th grade work doesn't mean he's got the breadth or depth, which is partly true. Still, I could tell that this reply was not enough and will never be enough for people like her. She wants something she cannot have - security, total control, and a compliant, obedient, high achieving daughter.
Other people don't necessarily want to accept that everyone is different, including gifted or 2e kids. They don't want to accept that giftedness embraces a spectrum and that even within the category of pg there is a broad spectrum. What can you say? I can bring a horse to water but I can't make them drink it.
If my son wasn't friends with her and if we didn't keep bumping into her at the Y, playgrounds, playgroups, etc. then I wouldn't belabor the situation. However, I think I'll be sticking to discussions about Downton Abbey in the future. I can't really discuss my son's videos - they're all on Mayan cenotes or something similar. Better still, I'd ask about fairies. That's a world I'd like to learn about too.
Still, I feel bad for the daughter and other children like her. Their overbearing parents and pressure put on them will doom them if they're not careful.
