Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy how to talk about your gifted kid

I am interested in seeing this study.

Interesting. I believe it.

Hi eastcoast,
Just wanted to say that I don't believe it's just an American thing. I am from Germany and there is such a strong "anti-elitism" that a lot of parents of gifted kids actively try to hide their kids' accomplishments ... and nature, I guess. Most Germans I know believe if a child shows any interest in and aptitude for academics before they're 6 that you must be horrible parent who pushes the poor child into something that is completely against the child's nature. I have stopped talking to my brother about anything academic/school because I was met with just plain hostility.
Very sad. Who do we get to talk to? Sometimes you want to ask advice or commiserate about something that is not working. But really message boards such as this and the one friend I have who also has gifted kids are about the only areas where I feel safe.
Stef

I like that. I might try sometimes.

I agree with ultramarina about the bragging. It always seems a bit off to me, no matter what's the topic.
When reading most of the posts, though, it seems to have turned into a discussion of people not being able to say anything (at least that is what I am feeling). I don't feel the need to tell people about my son's accomplishments. But I'd love to be able not to have to lie when others ask about school. So when one of my German friends says "Oh, he'll be going to first grade next year" I would love to just say "We're trying to figure out what to do for school as he doesn't quite fit in" (which is what I do say usually) but then if they get irritated as most German's get at the thought of somebody not going the traditional BM route (homeschooling is illegal in Germany) I would love for it to be ok to just say matter-of-factly that he is finishing 3rd grade in most subjects now at age 4 and that it really wouldn't be a good fit to send him to learn his letters and counting when he is 6. Without being accused of hothousing and forcing academics on a pure, innocent child who would never ever be interested in such things out of their won volition (just spend a day with him and you'll know all about his love for learning and how he drives us - not the other way around). For me that is all it is.
I would of course never lie in front of my son as I don't want him to feel like he should be ashamed or there is anything wrong with how he learns. I'd like him to just feel normal. So I guess as soon as he's 6 I might have to rethink my approach to the Germans - here is Canada at least most people accept homeschooling and you don't have to explain the why.
Cheers,
Stef

Wow! "Happy" didn't even make the American chart.

I see communication as an exercise in reciprocity. E.g If I listen supportively (and, usually, enthusiastically!) to you tell me about Johnny's hockey hat trick, then I expect you to listen to me tell you about my son. I'm usually quite effusive about other people's children's accomplishments, and I find this attitude is beautifully contagious.

That being said, I have no problem pointing out when that reciprocity is breached by the (very) occasional bad apple. This may not make me friends, but I don't really care. It's my job to be a loving, supportive parent, not Johnny's mom's "BFF". Maybe I'm more blunt than the average forum member, but I don't feel it's my responsibility to manage someone's inferiority complex if I'm making a disclosure that a reasonable person would find acceptable, even interesting

ETA: I realize that I may temper this position if my son ultimately attends PS, lest he become a pariah because of his zealot mother.

I try to keep myself grounded, or centered. Sports are a fun past-time, nothing more, really. Intelligence is not the be-all, end-all, either. Academic achievement is certainly not. Precocity does not mean all that much in the end. Children develop at different rates, have different interests, have different amazing gifts to offer the world. I have found if I keep all of this in perspective I have no problems in these conversations. Personally, I would not bring DD's reading or math skills up in a conversation, but if it comes up, I do not feel uncomfortable, and it has always been well-recieved. It is just matter-of-fact.

Hee hee. I'm not into sports, but even I would suggest altering this comment somewhat.