Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums GT Research Opinion, nature or nuture

My husband was one of eight siblings. His mother had been raised in a wealthy family with judges and lawyers but she married a poor man that her family did not approve of so they shunned her.

His mother instilled a love of reading and learning in all of her children, but she died when he was 14 and his family fell apart. The younger kids went to live with relatives but my husband and one brother were left to fend for themselves and he had to work evenings at a grocery store in order to survive. Prior to his mother's death he did very well in school and even represented his school in a math competition but things changed overnight. He and his brother had to work to survive. Nobody recommended college for them because they were poor. My husband ended up joining the army as soon as he could and worked his way up to a very high level because of his intelligence and leadership ability. He didn't sit around feeling sorry for himself because of hardships. He was successful because of his attitude and work ethic.

His brother also worked his way up to a high level and is very successful in business in spite of earlier hardships. Their younger sister was only about 5 when their mother died so she was raised by relatives. I don't think she ever went hungry but she also developed the same work ethic that allowed her to earn multiple degrees, including a PhD. An older sister learned languages very easily and can speak fluently in several different languages. My husband said he knew linguists in the army that had this ability. I think this would require a high degree of intelligence, especially if you are able to learn new languages easily as an adult.

My husband knew what it was like to struggle to have enough to eat and he didn't want his kids to struggle in any way, so his older son didn't have to work hard at anything. He is so very smart but he doesn't do anything with it.

My mother used to be very smart. Her father died when she was a baby, and her mother remarried but the family struggled financially so she never went to college, but she read all the time, loved crossword puzzles and was good at answering Jeopardy questions. She worked her way up to a very good job in the federal government without college. I think she knew more than a lot of people with college degrees and she a lot of her knowledge was self taught. My mother is one of the reasons I found the confidence I needed to homeschool my son. I could see that it is possible to learn without going to school. My Dad was very supportive also because he could also see that public school was not going to work for my son. He was raised in a poor family after his father died when he was very young but his brothers worked their way through school and became engineers. He wanted to be a teacher but joined the military when my mother became pregnant with me. For so many people life just gets in the way of reaching their potential, but then for others, it looks like everything has been made easy for them and they don't do anything with it.

So which situation would you rather have? The hard way with the appreciation that comes with it?
Or the easy life with no understanding of hard work and sacrifice?

Ooooh! Tough question!

I'm pretty lazy, so I'm tempted to say the easy way. But it doesn't really suit my values to say that.

Can we name a middle way, ala Buddhism? I don't want my kids to have to emigrate without even shoes to wear, but I don't want everything to come easily to them either. The middle path seems best!

I agree with Kriston. Middle path all the way. It's what i've always had, and although I would enjoy the always-easy way, the sometimes-hard way really does build character and helps you see what is important.

Yup. Manageable challenge seems best to me. Stuff that stretches you, that's really hard for you, but that doesn't kill your soul with its bleakness seems best to me.

(Not to sound RE or anything... )

I think the same argument could be made for grades.

My daughter totally exemplifies the profile of VSL, but is gifted and perfectionist enough that it really hasn�t interfered with her achievement. She works to meet the expectations of her teachers and to keep up with her high achieving friends, so the higher the standards and rigor at school, the better in her case.

My HG+ son could have easily fallen into the underachievement trap had we not made a concerted effort to minimize the effect to his self-concept of some negative school experiences (due to his ability). He worked primarily to meet my expectations with school work when younger, but has increasing showed motivation to produce highly (at school) in order to achieve his personal long-range goals. He has always been driven to learn outside of school.

My goal has been to validate and explain their perceptions and ensure that they understand that their future success is tied to their ability to produce meaningful and non-meaningful school assignments.

Maybe this is crazy but I would have to say the hard way and this is even crazier but I think in some ways my son's very mild invisible disability is good in some ways because it has given him a deeper understanding and appreciation for life. When we read and discuss books I can tell from his comments he makes that he sees things from a different perspective than I ever did and it is like he has this wisdom that he should not have at his age and he deals with some things better than I do. He teases me about my anxiety. He told me yesterday that he thinks I am the kind of person who would have a wreck just because I am so worried about having a wreck--like it could end up being a self fulfilling prophecy if I don't stop worrying. He is so much like his dad.

He is so wise! I like the way you view his *disability*. It's like that glass half empty or half full thing. I tend to look at the difficulties the girls have and worry about their discomfort as opposed to being okay with it because I know they will grow stronger. I'll have to think about that more and make a concerted effort to have a more positive thought process about the whole thing. Darn that RE!

Thanks for all the stories. I can tell you for sure that Giftedness is in every neighborhood. My best friend in High School - clearly way gifted, with the smart-alexy personality to matc - his father was one of my favorite people in my small town, because he was self-educated and loved learning, although he had never been to college and worked a blue-collar job. The people I knew who had been to college were shallow by comparison, and not at all interested in books or learning, except as a means the an end. My friend's Dad explained to me that for some people who are denied an education, it only spurs them on to become self-educated, and value it all the more.

Later I went to college and has many interesting and 'deep' discussions, but none more interesting, deeper, or more valued than those with my friend and his dad sitting around their kitchen.

So although I am sad to say that there are some in my family who judge people by the years of educatioon, or financial success, I am happy to report that I was already not fooled by this mistaken notion back in high school.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I forgot to post this. At my meeting today, he said the prevailing research is nurture. Yes, you too can become PG if you just do the right stuff.

Seriously, he said that is the prevailing scientific thought. Work those dentrites early and as much as possible.

I do not know, nor did I research. And he said that is what gifted journals are talking about, whether you believe it or not.

Ren