Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Playing dumb?

To preface: I'm just using that term because I'm blanking another way to describe it! No offense intended to anyone!

My DS3 has been pretending not to know how to do recently gained skills. He's been making great strides on getting dressed himself and potty training, to the point where I am now just supervising with the exception of helping with a pullover shirt. He now even knows which shoe goes on which foot, but nearly every time he puts on his shoes, he puts one shoe on wrong and shows it to me asking if it's 'on the right foot'. He's consistently "wrong" every time, so I know it's a purposeful choice.

He's also started purposely saying random letters when I ask him how to spell his name, but only if we are in front of others. He's known how spell his name for a few months and we work on writing it pretty often. This week, we worked on a 'name rocket' activity at our preschool group and I was counting out a piece of paper for each letter. Each time I asked him to tell me the next letter of his name, he'd give me the wrong one; yet when it came to writing his name letter by letter onto the squares, he had no issue. So, again, I'm pretty sure it was a choice to 'not know'.

We've never really made a big deal out of him being advanced, so I'm not sure he knows he's ahead of others. I know full well that he might just be advanced right now, rather than truly gifted, so both DH and I are careful about what we say around him.

Is it possible that he's picked up on this anyway and started pretending like he doesn't know things while in front of other parents/kids? Has anyone else dealt with this in younger kids? And should we do anything or just ignore the behavior?

Around 18-24 mos, my DD started getting questions wrong on purpose, because she thought it was funny. You could tell she wasn't serious by the look she gave. We played along. This same kid, now 8, loves to try to provoke what we call "stupid arguments." For example, "That tree is orange." It's a personality thing, and it's just her being playful and silly, so we encourage it.

There are a number of other reasons why a kid might decide not to show what they know. For example:

1) Kids might feel like a performing animal, and decide they don't like the spotlight. In this case, it's best to stop asking them to perform in front of others.

2) Kids at age 3 often start to notice the transition from baby to big-kid, and feel insecure about it, which can lead to this behavior as an attempt to delay growing up. When our own DD started to express anxiety about getting older at this age, we dealt with it in a number of ways. One was to point out all the really cool stuff she can do now that she couldn't before. Another way we did it was to, on occasion, engage in an absurdly over-the-top performance in which we treated her as if she was a tiny, helpless baby. She LOVED that.

Ultimately, it's up to you to get inside your DS's head, to figure out why he's behaving the way he's behaving, before you can figure out the best way to deal with it.

I'll have to keep an eye on him to try to figure it out, but I don't think it could be the first example. If anything, I make sure he isn't being asked to perform simply to show off. We simply do the same projects along side the preschool mom/kid pairs. Since they are made for multiple levels of development (some kids are working on gluing, some on letter recognition, some on letter writing, etc), we are simply doing the activity on the level that is challenging for him. He's not even the most advanced in the room, as there is another little boy who is also very smart but is a year older than DS3. There is no showboating about it and certainly no attempt to draw attention to him for what he's doing. But it is a small room and it has been noticed by a few moms. Really, the only way to prevent that would be to not let him do any learning activities in public, which isn't a solution in my mind.

He might just be playing around. With his shoe thing, he seems to be because he's always grinning as he does it, but I don't give it a lot of extra attention and it still continues. I'm not sure if it's the same reason when we are with this preschool group.

Hmm... is it always his left shoe? Maybe he is just waiting to see how long it takes before you get his pun? Also, I've made the mistake sometimes about being really silly about providing him corrective feedback around that age, that he'd do things wrong to get the reaction.

And while I'm here, I'd like to celebrate the relization that it is less than once a week that I have to tell my seven year old his shoes are on the wrong feet!

I'd say it's highly likely in this case that he's picking up on negative reactions from the other moms, which makes this something of a toxic environment for him. It depends on how much of a problem this is for him, and whether you think there are other benefits here, but it might be worth thinking about another pre-K placement that doesn't involve other moms.


Oh yeah, I know that grin. That's how our DD always gives away that she's just being silly. I think you're right that it's not the same reason as in preschool. Of course, the other indicator would be if he's not grinning when he's getting his name wrong in preschool.

I started wondering if it's not a toxic environment too. We'll have to finish through late May since I actually run the program, but I might just let him play and do the activities beforehand at home or something.

And here I thought our biggest struggle was going to be next year when he attends a 3 year old preschool program where they will teach him things he's already mastered. He's actually halfway through what they'll teach him in the 4 year program already now, still several months out from starting. There are no advanced placement programs around here and I've had my head patted and assured that he'll be challenged enough by the social aspect of things. I hope so. Guess we'll try some after-schooling to help out too.

If he's gifted, he may be a perfectionist. This can lead children to intentionally do things wrong (or in a goofy way) rather than risk trying to do them right and then doing them wrong.

Try playing a game where you sometimes do things wrong, pretend to be confused and ask him if you did it right. If he laughs and sets you straight, you'll know he knows the skill.

Another possibility is that he's experimenting with social boundaries. (What will happen if I do this? How will mom react?)

Jolaine83 maybe your son is testing your reactions? I'm not sure what the developmental schedule is for that, but I'm guessing it's something they can grow into after they've learned some scholastic skills (if the scholastic skills are early).

My DD10 "forgot" how to read when she started preschool (she was about 3.5 yrs at the time). I was new to this phenomenon, so I actually believed that she had forgotten. She had been reading at about a grade 2-3 level, and once she started preschool and became exposed to other kids her age, she just suddenly forgot how.. even forgot the sounds the letters made, etc etc.

I actually thought that maybe she was being so socially stimulated that the reading area of her brain was resting to compensate! Then my Dad (wise ol' grandpa ) tricked her into reading one day (pretended to read something wrong and DD corrected him). LOL-busted!

I suspect with her it was because she realized that other kids her age couldn't, and she didn't want to be different.

My 3 year old does that sort of thing too. He will answer about 3 questions then he just gives stupid answers and laughs madly. He also puts his shoes on the wrong feet nearly all the time.

My 3yr ok thinks is hysterical to count incorrectly, along with various other deliberate mistakes.