Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Thinking about pulling out from school

Yeah, I agree. This all around sounds bad to me... I don't see your DS or you as the problem... I think the problem lies with the school. I really do not like the sound of that place at all.

The school is in the wrong, hands down. I'd pull my child from that environment so fast their heads would spin! I have been fairly patient during our journey to getting appropriate placement/supports for our son, but if I'd encountered people like THAT...I would've yanked him out of there in a heartbeat. That said, you do have legal recourse...but your victory may be Pyrrhic if you choose to go that route.

It sounds like the school's parenting recommendations are a backhanded attempt to cut off your source of evidence of their dysfunction. It's pretty boldfaced, if you ask me.

I would also be pulling my child out of school under those circumstances.

Thank you everyone ,

After getting out from the meeting and process everything that they told us , i felt like this wasn't right . Overnight i kept thinking about it , and it is true with what you guys are saying . It's like they're trying to shaping him into something that he's not , something that will make it easier for the school . Just like Master of none said they'll be happy once DS is an empty obedient shell .

I do agree that we have to teach him what is appropriate to argue about and when the right time to do that also . Yesterday , he came home and he was 4 initials short from meeting his goal , and i signed his paper , he was dying to tell me what was happening . Esp. during PE , and when i said i don't want to hear it , he was quiet , and at the end of the day he asked me , if i was okay , because i looked sad , and he was sorry that i looked sad . During bed time , he was really wanting to tell me again what was happening at PE .. but we tried to do what the school told us to do . It was hard , this morning again he tried to talk with me , and he was very frustrated and he was so upset and he said that he hates liar . By then i knew he's really trying hard to get me engaged into the conversation , telling me the story . Again i rejected him and he was really upset .

I hate doing that to him , i always wanted to know what was happening at school . And now all of sudden we have to shut him down like that .. so that he will not argue and learning just to nod and say yes ma'am yes sir , no ma'am no sir .

I have an answer to your quandary: don't follow the shool's terrible advice! It is clear that the only parties benefiting from the recommendations are the school staff. Your child is learning that his thoughts and feelings don't matter to his teachers. By adopting their damaging recommendations, he will learn that he can't count on you, either.

You are the parent and have ultimate say over what parenting philosophy you adopt. This is your choice. I urge you to return to the open and supportive communication that you clearly prefer.

Aquinas ,

thank you ! i know it's not working for me , i am not a parent who can just ignore how things going at school how his friends was , what interesting thing happened .. Whether it's good or bad , i want to know . And doing what i did yesterday made me miserable myself . I can't imagine being him , we're the only people he has to count on . The school urges us clearly yesterday that we should do it , to make things work for our DS . I guess to change our DS into someone he's not .

Thank you for reminding me that i need to be the parent he can count on because he has nobody else .

You're most welcome.

Absolutely...it is nothing but damaging for a school to interfere in the communications between a child and his parents. It's counterproductive, wrong, and frankly, dysfunctional as hell! I'd write them a very strongly-worded letter of reprimand and move on to greener pastures.

Thanks Kristinas ,

As much as i wanted to really tell them how i feel , my DS is still there , i just don't want their dislike towards me because of my letter causing my DS case even worse . I would love to have a good relationship with the school , but like you and i and everyone else said .. it is just wrong . And i do feel it was wrong but i thought i tried it yesterday , well it leads us nowhere but feeling even more miserable .

I think we'll just do what we've been doing at home with DS , we love to talk to each other , and probably about the debating and arguing we'll need to find a way to channel that . I don't want him to be someone that will just nod and do what everyone else say or command him to do . More to it .. he's not that kind of person .

Honestly, their advice is DANGEROUS. Who on earth is your child supposed to confide in? Ask questions of? The school isn't doing this, so that only leaves YOU. How would you ever know if he was being abused? Or bullied?