Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Having trouble keeping DS interested in...anything

DS9 is bored in school, bored at home, and bored with the other kids his age in the area. He has told me that he feels like no one likes the same things he does. Because he doesn't sit around playing Call of Duty (yes, my 9 year old son's friends play Call of Duty) all day long, he doesn't feel like he has anything in common with them. He loves science, especially astronomy and engineering. He likes sports, but is not especially athletic and gets self conscious when he plays with other kids. He likes art, but tends to get a bit reclusive when he is working on a project. He wants to be more outgoing, but is so afraid the other kids won't like him, he won't even approach them! Talented as he is, he is starting to feel like a failure because he is not exactly like every other kid out there. Problem is, I can't find ANYTHING for him to do around this area that will get him in touch with other kids with similar interests! Heck, at this point I would settle for adults with similar interests - but even that isn't working. The closest thing I could find was an amateur astronomy club that is an hour away and meets on Sunday nights (figures....a school night). Any tips on how to make my son feel like he is not a total outcast?

tabletop roleplay gaming? Might ask at a local gaming store.

That tends to be a crowd that is pretty accepting of diversity, and skews bright/clever.

Have you thought about starting a club of some type that your ds would be interested in? We used to host a robotics club at our kids' elementary school just so that ds could have a non-sports-after-school club to participate in, and once we started it, other like-minded kids came

If you're anywhere near a city of any size, that has either an art museum, a history museum, a science center, or art supply stores, you might be able to find some kind of either science or art class.

My kids have also been interested in photography... maybe start a photography club after school? Or a learn-to-program club or even a book club?

If you don't have the energy to host an ongoing club, another idea is a one-time thing that would focus on science or something your ds likes.

Honestly, I'd be very surprised to find that the majority of other parents of 9 year olds in any area are letting their kids play Call of Duty - I'm not surprised that kids are, and I totally understand how your ds may really only be closely exposed to kids who are... but really.. reach out... there are bound to be other parents out there who aren't into it

Good luck!

polarbear

eta - have you thought about Boy Scouts? I'm not so much into it, but it was fun for my ds, and it was a haven for a lot of kids who weren't into sports and parents who weren't into video games.

How about Minecraft? DS10 got into it when his friends were all playing the shoot-em games, and now he has everybody into it! And these friends aren't his intellectual equals, they're just the neighbors that he has to play with. It's got elements (ha) that appeal to all kinds of gamers, so it's a really equalizing game that might interest him for the engineering, science and art aspects.

I was actually hoping to get him involved in something he already likes - not push him into something that I HOPE he will like. I'm not against role playing, and may let him try it. But I remember being a kid, and realizing that the best feeling in the world was being able to talk to someone else about my interests, when most other kids didn't care about it. He's taking his first trip to space camp this summer, so that should help. But that's still four months away.
He tried boy scouts. Loved all the outdoor stuff, but the two troops we tried around here do very little of that. They have meetings, do team building activities, study folklore, etc. It was really a bit of a disappointment for him.
Starting a group may be fun. I have no clue how to go about doing it, but one can learn anything with google, right?

My son came home last week wanting to play that game--he'd heard about it from friends. This is the second place where I've heard it can be intellectually stimulating. Thanks for the tip!

Or tabletop board gaming, which also skews bright/clever and doesn't really care a whit about who you are - just whether you game well.

I would caution against getting overly invested in solving your kiddo's boredom. It is one of the best gifts my mother gave me. If I said I was bored, I found a dish cloth or gardening hoe in my hand within seconds. Because she wouldn't solve my boredom for me, I discovered a love for reading, climbing trees, riding my bike, and writing stories. I did the same for my kids, and it is amazing the things they decided to try to keep from telling me they were bored. It builds self-comforting and self-sufficiency when we don't take the driver's seat to solving an issue that should rest with our kids.

Solving his loneliness is quite another thing. If he can't find like-minded kids or doesn't make friends easily, I second the recommendation to start a club at school. Not only will the school be glad for the help, but you'll be able to have a bird's eye view of his interactions with his peers without being overly involved.

My DS9 is the same way. He is taking the Inventions in Engineering Class online via John Hopkins CTY program. Students interact online as well as submit weekly projects they have designed and built. So far, students have designed a board game, a candy bar, built a spaghetti and gumdrop tower and several cool projects. This might be something your DS9 would enjoy. I know that it has taken care of a lot of boredom around our home.

when growing up if we were obnoxious about being bored we'd find ourselves cleaning the garage or something.

Last year was rough this time of year w/ DD bored to tears in school. We live in a state that is not one of the bigger ones but fairly diverse in its regions. During spring break we drove about 3 hours to stay in a different region, went to museums having cool kid workshops, DD met some other funky kids (to realize there are others out there) swam in the hotel pool, got very interested in history (which is often overlooked but pretty cool) and the history thing has stuck with her as an interest.

We live close to Canada also and it's always fun to go there - two languages, DD gets distracted and entertained by the French and different cartoons at the hotel.

Minecraft can be slightly addicting but it's really cool and she learns to much about building and things. If they have Minecraft t-shirts the kids can "find" each other in a crowd. : - )