Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Recommended Resources Educating Husband on Gifted

My H is an avid reader--books, papers, magazines--always tons of
'em in his wake. When I find a good article on gifted or education, I print it out and leave it near the breakfast table or in the bathroom and he'll definitely find it.

I sent my DH on a plane today with Genius Denied.

Thanks, all. I like the "cheetah" and left-handed analogies best as well (and he's very visual). Why, OHG? Sometimes I feel like I'm dragging a ball and chain (oops, not a good descriptor for spouse, sorry) when trying to advocate for son. Husband reacts in two ways and I can never tell which way it will be. The first is that I am over-reacting, being obsessive, just let him be a kid, he's only 6, and so on. The second is with anger and we'll go to the school and tell them what for. But he avoids confrontation like the plague so when we go to the school, he's not really there with me. So, first, I want him to at least be on the same page with me to lessen my frustration about which reaction I'll get. And, second, I've read that advocay works much better if the dad attends the meetings, even if does nothing but nod while mom talks (I won't go into the implied sexism here!). I feel sometimes like I'm trying to educate him AND the school and don't have someone to discuss things with and decide what we want.

I do agree that son is young, he needs to be a kid, etc but he also needs to be challenged. And, he definitley needs the type of play Daddy gives him - wrestling, chasing, tickling, whatever.

OT - someone was talking about kids "being older" than they are. I heard a speaker (I think it was Jim Delisle but I'm not sure so don't quote me) who said the age of gifted kids' minds tend to be about 1 1/2 times his chronological age. So, my 6.5 YO would have a "mental age" of 10.

Hi Squirt,


I go to the meetings on my own, summarize for DH, and DH often gives me useful advice/strategy (almost like an "outsider's perspective). When DH used to go to the meetings, I felt tense about all the time they took. If there was a really pressing issue that needed more emphasis, I wouldn't hesitate to bring DH to a meeting--but not for everyday stuff.

When DS6 was 4, I gently nudged DS's Montessori preschool for weeks--months, actually--to skip all the pre-reading activities because he was reading books quite well, but they just smiled sweetly and totally ignored me. Then we had our parent-teacher conference in January and DH came with me. He was much better about INSISTING that they hear us instead of blowing us off, and changes were finally made.

In my experience, schools do listen to men better than women. How you use that to your advantage is, I think, dependent upon the husband and the school.

I see no problem with educating your DH about your child. He sounds like he's in GT denial, and bringing him out of it is probably a good idea, if for no other reason than you really do need someone else in your life who gets what you're dealing with. How he deals with your child is up to him, but how he deals with YOU is at least partly your call!

Good luck with the articles!

OHGrandma, you asked a really good question that has made me think. If my husband "gets" it, I think it will help calm down some of the emotional distress (rampant??) in our house in that he can understand that son can't just switch from one thing to another right now because Daddy has decided to go outside and ride bikes with him, for example. Also, it would help me calm down and feel more understood and in-sync. And, I would feel like he's not criticizing me for talking about it or reminding us that we need to back off or provide more or whatever. That's not a total answer. Thanks for giving me something to think about.

And on the dumb remarks about "genius IQ": when I was tested many years ago (don't know which test), I was told my IQ was 132. When I told my husband, he simply said, with a disappointed tone, "Oh, so not smart enough to get into Mensa?". This at a time when I was in the bottom of a deep, deep depression. So, does that count as double GT denial? Maybe my husband is 2E!

Thanks, all, for the input. I emailed him the cheetah and left-handed articles.

Squirt,

Let us know how he reacts to those. Hopefully, in a positive way! This thread has given me food for thought as well.

Cathy

I think he needs to 'get' you first. He doesn't sound real sensitive to you or your son. I'd work on some basic parenting and marriage things without worrying about your sons specific GT needs at this time.