Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Recommended Resources Educating Husband on Gifted

If I could get my husband to read just one article on giftedness and how it affects education and schooling, what would you suggest? I know everyone will have a different answer but I'd love opinions.

He knows DS6 is smart and bright and above the level of other kids but doesn't seem to "get" it. I'm not describing it well - it's like he really, really, really, just wants ds to be normal and to be treated normally. And, that his behavior and emotions are totally separate from being gifted.

I've got a couple of books but can't get him to read them (he's not a big reader) so I thought maybe a short article that might hit him over the head with a two-by-four (oh, I mean, enlighten him). Suggestions? Thanks.

"Is it a cheetah?" is one of my favorite articles. I think it's a nice intro for people who don't get it.

http://www.stephanietolan.com/is_it_a_cheetah.htm

What do you expect to achieve if he finally 'gets' it the way you do?

This one's pretty good. I like the left-handed analogy.

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/harm.htm

squirt,

I feel your pain! My H thinks I education-obsessed, though he expresses appreciation for all I do. He has left it up to me, but that makes it less of a "team" in deciding, discussing, etc. My H is also into the "normal" growing up experience, and talks about how he spent 3rd grade reading novels in the corner of the class. He went to college after 11th grade without a diploma.

As far as articles, I love Miraca Gross's research because she stops me from being wimpy, gets me charged that I need to be more aggressive in educational approach. Maybe try http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/underserved.htm

Yes Squirt ... my DH is the same. He is never around other kids DS's age so I don't think he gets it. WEll, he is a soccer coach but he only sees the kids on the field, not in a classroom situation.

http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10065.aspx

I like this one.

Cym or anyone - I just read the article you linked to. It's using the old table since it is my understanding that the current IQ tests don't go above 160, is that correct? I've read the new chart on Hoagies for the WISCIV for MG 130-138, HG 138-145, etc and that seems to be published by a reputable psych. I've seen a few threads discounting Deb Ruff's chart on the SBV.

I also saw reference to this on a blog of a GT teacher where someone posted to keep in mind that the IQ numbers now are lower.

I think Dh sees DS's IQ and thinks, we'll it's close to mind so he should be fine, I did fine but I tried to tell him you can't compare an IQ today of one 20+ years ago.

I wonder how they calculate mental age based on IQ? In the article, Paula w/ IQ of 133 has a mental age of around 12. A friend said the psych said something similar - ie w/ VCI in 140s the kid can process information like a 6th grader but is stuck in a 2nd grade classroom. I'd like to find an article that talks about that to show to DH.

It's funny because yesterday (appropo of nothing)DS6 said, "I'm like a 4th or 5th grader"--he went on to explain that he could relate to the 4th or 5th graders at school, not the other 2nd graders. He wasn't being arrogant or anything, just one of those innocent observations.

I wanted to add one thing, squirt. Keep advocating for your son, even if your H doesn't see the light, because eventually he will. When my 12 yr old son scored higher or as high as DH did at 17 on the ACT or SAT, I think he finally understood.

When we first started this journey and I began to learn and advocate my husband was the same. I remember at dinner one night(the girls were not present) my husband was like, "It's not like the are geniuses or anything." I was like: "Uh...technically...based on their IQ scores they are.....duh."
That's when he started looking into it for himself. He had to come to the understanding as to the importance of the issues by himself.

I think this one is a "quick review" of how gifted kids are different:
http://www.sengifted.org/articles_learning/Amend_AnInterview.shtml

This is another short article discussing the social/emotional needs:
http://www.sengifted.org/articles_social/DeVries_AppropriateExpectationsForTheGiftedChild.shtml

I like the cheetah and the left-handedness articles, too. Those two would be tied for first choice for me.

And LOL, about the "Uh...technically...based on their IQ scores they are.....duh," there, 'Neato!

I live for comedy.

It shows.

Dottie -OMG! That is just too funny. I can't believe he said that. I wouldn't let him for get it either.

So what is considered a Genius IQ? And is that number based on old tests or current ones?

Wikipedia doesn't offer a citation for this coarse quotation, so I don't know how accurate it is, but I love this passage:


How witty...How droll...not! Typical Mozart, no?

Oh, and Dottie, you are NOT fat OR dumb! I do hope you're happy though!

(I'm 3 for 3 now, aren't I? Figuring out your location lately has been like taking candy from a fat, dumb and happy baby! )

Prewatch the movie 'Titus' and if it seems like it would help, that may be a way. I've only about halfway through, but it's very interesting. Of course the Mom get portrayed negativly - to me she just seems human and isolated.

Still, so far it's been an amazing experience for DH and I to watch a child who is so much like our own, and yet, thankfully, ours isn't so extreame - and is like a ray of sunshine by comparison. I think that they are similar in the sense of 'the entire way that children are treated injures my pride and I will not tolerate it!'


Still, I've always wished that my husband could see and appreciate the 'path not taken' due to my personal efforts, instead of seeing the 'messy and odd parts.' I hope that as the movie unfolds and digests in my DH's mind, that I may get my wish.

((Humor Alert))
I did crack up when the subtitle under the mom read: "His IQ is so high, it's can't be measured!" I thought, well that's not saying much, neither can mine and we are definitly talking a different LOG here.

I think that visits with other families who are facing similar issues are a better avenue for most DHs than books. There is a DVD version of 'MisDiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis' by James Webb at SENG. I haven't seen it, but if anyone has, I'd love a review.

Smiles,
Grinity

I keep thinking that if your husband is not working against you on getting your son's educational needs met, then does it really matter if he 'gets' your son the way you do?
The great part of two parent families is having two different approaches and connections to the kids. He may be able to meet your childs needs in ways you don't 'get'. You may meet your childs needs in ways he doesn't 'get'. As long as you aren't having to fight your husband as well as the schools, let him understand your son his own way.

My H is an avid reader--books, papers, magazines--always tons of
'em in his wake. When I find a good article on gifted or education, I print it out and leave it near the breakfast table or in the bathroom and he'll definitely find it.

I sent my DH on a plane today with Genius Denied.

Thanks, all. I like the "cheetah" and left-handed analogies best as well (and he's very visual). Why, OHG? Sometimes I feel like I'm dragging a ball and chain (oops, not a good descriptor for spouse, sorry) when trying to advocate for son. Husband reacts in two ways and I can never tell which way it will be. The first is that I am over-reacting, being obsessive, just let him be a kid, he's only 6, and so on. The second is with anger and we'll go to the school and tell them what for. But he avoids confrontation like the plague so when we go to the school, he's not really there with me. So, first, I want him to at least be on the same page with me to lessen my frustration about which reaction I'll get. And, second, I've read that advocay works much better if the dad attends the meetings, even if does nothing but nod while mom talks (I won't go into the implied sexism here!). I feel sometimes like I'm trying to educate him AND the school and don't have someone to discuss things with and decide what we want.

I do agree that son is young, he needs to be a kid, etc but he also needs to be challenged. And, he definitley needs the type of play Daddy gives him - wrestling, chasing, tickling, whatever.

OT - someone was talking about kids "being older" than they are. I heard a speaker (I think it was Jim Delisle but I'm not sure so don't quote me) who said the age of gifted kids' minds tend to be about 1 1/2 times his chronological age. So, my 6.5 YO would have a "mental age" of 10.

Hi Squirt,


I go to the meetings on my own, summarize for DH, and DH often gives me useful advice/strategy (almost like an "outsider's perspective). When DH used to go to the meetings, I felt tense about all the time they took. If there was a really pressing issue that needed more emphasis, I wouldn't hesitate to bring DH to a meeting--but not for everyday stuff.

When DS6 was 4, I gently nudged DS's Montessori preschool for weeks--months, actually--to skip all the pre-reading activities because he was reading books quite well, but they just smiled sweetly and totally ignored me. Then we had our parent-teacher conference in January and DH came with me. He was much better about INSISTING that they hear us instead of blowing us off, and changes were finally made.

In my experience, schools do listen to men better than women. How you use that to your advantage is, I think, dependent upon the husband and the school.

I see no problem with educating your DH about your child. He sounds like he's in GT denial, and bringing him out of it is probably a good idea, if for no other reason than you really do need someone else in your life who gets what you're dealing with. How he deals with your child is up to him, but how he deals with YOU is at least partly your call!

Good luck with the articles!

OHGrandma, you asked a really good question that has made me think. If my husband "gets" it, I think it will help calm down some of the emotional distress (rampant??) in our house in that he can understand that son can't just switch from one thing to another right now because Daddy has decided to go outside and ride bikes with him, for example. Also, it would help me calm down and feel more understood and in-sync. And, I would feel like he's not criticizing me for talking about it or reminding us that we need to back off or provide more or whatever. That's not a total answer. Thanks for giving me something to think about.

And on the dumb remarks about "genius IQ": when I was tested many years ago (don't know which test), I was told my IQ was 132. When I told my husband, he simply said, with a disappointed tone, "Oh, so not smart enough to get into Mensa?". This at a time when I was in the bottom of a deep, deep depression. So, does that count as double GT denial? Maybe my husband is 2E!

Thanks, all, for the input. I emailed him the cheetah and left-handed articles.

Squirt,

Let us know how he reacts to those. Hopefully, in a positive way! This thread has given me food for thought as well.

Cathy

I think he needs to 'get' you first. He doesn't sound real sensitive to you or your son. I'd work on some basic parenting and marriage things without worrying about your sons specific GT needs at this time.