Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school 3yo needs so. much. input.

I so needed to read this thread today. When I tell people that DS NEVER STOPS TALKING! I dont' think they get it, so it's good to hear I'm not alone with this. My DS doesn't ask so many questions, he just diatribes about everything. When he does ask a question, what he really wants is for me to say "No, I don't know" so that he can answer the question himself with a 3 minute long lecture. Oh, and if he starts to say something and it doesn't come out quite the way he wanted, he starts over again from the beginning.

I feel awful that this bothers me because he's not doing anything wrong. But, I am an intorvert who needs alone time and silence, and it's very grating to my sense of peace in life.

Although, it does make life with DS much more interesting

Thanks to everyone. It's a relief to see that I'm not alone!

My son does attend a play-based preschool a handful of hours a week, so I do (thank goodness) get a little bit of time alone. And I take him to museums, libraries, parks, playdates, etc, as often as I can. Even so, I often fantasize about going back to work full-time. :p

I am glad to hear that others have kids who are interested in destroying the house. So often I go to another family's house, and they have a grown-up living situation, with glass shelves, knick-knacks, no baby gates, etc, and I am just baffled, how is this possible?



Mine does this, too. The Your Three Year Old: Friend or Enemy (hah!) folks say that this is very typical for kids at around 31/2, to stutter or have to start over. I do think it's funny (and sometimes trying) to listen to a three-year-old pontificate about whatever but have to start over at the very beginning of his monologue because he stumbled somewhere. I get a lot of practice with patient listening!

For those who also have kids who never stop talking, have you had any success instituting Quiet Time? For a while I tried to have quiet time in the car (because I honestly felt like the constant talking and questioning was making me a less safe driver) and it was not super-successful.

I have another question for the group, about explaining scientific concepts. A common thing here is that he will hear something like "friction" and seize on it, and ask for information. I do my best to explain, but I often feel like, because his language use is so far ahead of the rest of his development, I can't be sure that I'm actually helping him understand anything - or if he's just parroting phrases. We've had good luck with the Vicki Cobb Science Play picture books, especially the one about gravity, I Fall Down. Any other recommendations for books or other resources?

For quiet time, have you tried books on tape with headphones?

I raised three of them, and there were days I really wondered if I was ever going to get through it. It is relentless and exhausting. I was a stay at home mom, as well, and while I loved every moment of it and don't regret the choice at all, I also know how tough it is to constantly be "in the trenches" with no "valid" excuse to get a needed break.

A few thoughts and tactics that helped:

Negotiate, bribe and reward. Seriously. I continually negotiated with my youngest when I couldn't take the talking anymore. "Ok. Tell me this, and then you have to stop talking for 20 minutes. After that, we will get a small treat for you while we are at Target." No one else would understand that kind of negotiation, but it worked. He would negotiate two things, I'd agree, he'd tell me his two things, and then he'd live with the agreement and be quiet. I used this A LOT when we were in the car running errands.

I hit the garage sales for audio books, and kept a "reading station" at their little play table in our family room. Books, audio books, kid-friendly CD player with headphones. Yes, we threw a lot of broken and scratched cc's away, but they hadn't cost much in the beginning. I also kept a supply of crayons, paper, those horrid little workbooks they sell at Walgreens, etc. None were used for their intended purpose, but they kept the kids busy for a while where they were in plain view of me in the kitchen.

Keep glue, scissors, paste, etc. out of reach in a cabinet that they don't know you use. If they do, they'll wait until you're busy and then get it themselves.

If you have someone to watch the kids one evening a week, take a class, whether it is a craft, a continuing ed class, a cooking class or an exercise class like dance, yoga, etc. just make sure it is something that sparks your passion. I took enough cooking classes that I ended up getting paid to work as the Chet's assistant during the classes and got them free that way. They really helped me keep connected to the "world outside of being mom".

Exhaust them. Take them on loooong walks outside in good weather, in the mall in bad weather. My gifted kids had such intensity that it was really hard for them to get to the end of something - a passionate interest, a project, a sport - so I finally gave in to the whole intensity and helped them exhaust themselves either physically or intellectually. They were happier, more at peace, and I got some quiet time while they spent quiet time regenerating their batteries. In later years, I enrolled them in rock climbing because it exhausts them mentally and physically. All of them have said what they loved most is that they couldn't think about anything other than how to make the next move on the wall and that it was one of the few activities that required their full physical and mental attention, giving them a much needed break from their own intense thinking.

The computer is your friend. I know a lot of people don't agree, but I couldn't answer all their questions or participate to the intensity they needed when they found a new passion (dinosaurs, archeology, space, ...), so we put serious parental controls on a computer in our family area and let them explore away.

Talk to them at the level they need, not what your friends think is appropriate. I talked to my kids like they were adults when it came to reasons (because Mommy said so NEVER worked in our house), but kept the content appropriate for their age (no adult topics) and remembered that while their vocabulary might be way beyond their years, they were still wee ones on the inside that needed appropriately protected and nurtured. But I never dumbed things down.

Hope this helps. I'd like to say they get less intense, but mine didn't. They just got more self-reliant and self-sufficient.

If he seems satisfied with the answer, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. He'll have plenty of opportunities to get a deep understanding of friction (or whatever else he happens to be asking about) later.

There is no doubt that high intensity, high IQ kids bring a unique set of challenges and rewards to parenting, but I'm not sure it is better or worse than the challenges and rewards of parents with kids who are "quiet, obedient 'bump on a log"'kids", and if I had parented a "bump on the log" kid, I'd likely take exception at my child being described as such, just as much as I often did take exception to my kid being referred to as weird, out there, geek, or crazy smart.

Just a thought.

ABQMom-
I really didn't mean to be hurtful when saying what I did. Personally, my two boys get compared with the cousins who are really quite the opposite of them; and my in- laws don't understand our struggles or why they have soooo much energy (even if its excessive talking). It is a very frustrating situation.

I certainly didn't mean to seem that the only good kids are our very intense ones. I apologize. Also, I try to tell myself, that though exhausting, I enjoy them and all they are.

I've used most of the strategies outlined by ABQmom. Two things that she said really resonated with me...

1. negotiate for quiet time-- or offer valid reasons why you NEED it. This is the advantage of HG+ kids... all that intensity also comes with beyond-chronological ability to process cause-and-effect, to some extent. "Mommy would like to hear about ______, but right now, I need all of my attention for driving the car. Can you wait to tell me when we get to {destination}? Or is this an emergency?"

2. I made up preschool "centers" in small plastic storage boxes starting when my DD was about two. I also hid stickers, tape, and staplers... and kept glue LOCKED (so not kidding). Coloring materials, she had access to, because she wasn't prone to abuse of the medium, oddly. We gave her a LeapPad and a bunch of books to use with it when she was about 20 months. Oh-- and HEADPHONES.


I also second the notion of taking a class or something at least once a week. Or just go to the library- by yourself. I took Tai Chi. (Introvert here)


The most important thing, though-- is what she mentioned about offering explanations that seem {your kid} appropriate, not those that seem "preschool" or "toddler" appropriate.



Honestly, I simply explained things. Using whatever terms and analogies seemed to meet her where she was at the time. She understood, for example, that a car is very big, very powerful, and carries a tremendous amount of energy as it moves... therefore, it's VERY IMPORTANT to operate the vehicle safely and to make sure that you don't hit anything. It took time (witness the side mirror incident) for her to understand that there are times when I simply can't be talking with her in the car while I'm driving... but honestly, I think that her awareness of the surroundings/driving conditions is ultimately going to make her a more aware driver in a few more years, too.

We use the same approach, and it's already paying dividends with DD8, when we take her to ride her bicycle in the nearby cul-de-sac at the very end of an otherwise busy street. She notes how drivers are extraordinarily lazy at turning on those turn signals, but she waits patiently each time, anyway.

Well, it's a combination of explaining everything, plus the natural consequences thing I mentioned earlier. The consequences were a necessary first step to get DD listening in the first place.

As soon as I read the original post, I was going to suggest a parent-tot gym class. We did Little Gym but I think any gym class would be wonderful. My son (now 4) would not attend any of the other parent-tot classes I thought he would enjoy but he loved gym class. We go to open gym and I am planning to enroll him at a more traditional gymnastics center this summer.

Parent-child swim classes also worked well or us. DS stopped napping around 2.5 so it seemed I never had any down time. An early morning swim class guaranteed a two-hour afternoon nap so I would have some time to myself (although I often fell asleep as well).