Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school 3yo needs so. much. input.

Oh, I get this all the time! "Did you have a relaxing three-day weekend?"

"I'm a single mother of an ILP*. No, I did not have a 'relaxing' three-day weekend!"

Actually, Hanni and I have some amazing weekends together, I wouldn't trade them for anything, but I start my workweek exhausted. Talk about the 'second shift.' (And third, and fourth, and fifth . . .)



*Intense Little Person

What worked for us is an establishment of boundaries. If DD was asking too many questions and we needed a break or needed to concentrate on something else, we'd just tell her it's not a good time, let's talk about it later. DW also used the "ask your dad when he gets home" line. A VERY important component of this strategy was that, later on, we'd make sure to revisit with DD. "Okay, I've got time now, what was your question?" If we didn't, DD would have figured out that "ask later" was code talk for "ask never." Deliberate follow-up on our part gave her the confidence to accept that any delay was temporary, and not a put-off.

As for danger seeking... we let natural consequences handle that one. If she was doing something where she was an accident waiting to happen, we told her to stop, and she argued with us, as long as the chances of her doing any permanent damage were sufficiently slim, we'd allow her to continue. When she hurt herself, we'd do a quick damage assessment, and once we established she was basically okay, we'd say, "Told ya." She became REALLY receptive of safety information from her parents after a few of these.

Of course, a couple of years later DD decided it'd be a good idea to wear her bike helmet in the car, and strangers were giving DW ugly looks as a result, but that's what makes these kids so fun.


I hope you explained how difficult it would be to come up with boomslang skin and lacewing flies.

Yes... my DD's obsession with HP is in its third year now... why do you ask?


I would choose another word here besides "immediately," because, having been on the other side of this, after dealing with work and commute stressors, this can feel very much like an ambush. Give your partner at least half an hour to ease into this. In our household, we find that dinner time makes for a natural transition period.

My older son now 5, incessantly talks. Usually wanted feedback, but sometimes not. From 2.5-3, he would recite books all day long. We had to enforce engaged communication at the dinner table. As others have said, by 3.5-4, he was reading well and that helped. He still talks and questions a lot, but the burden is somewhat shared between myself, dh, and ds2.

Hang in there! Yes, it is exhausting. Yet, I truly believe I am happy that my 2 crazy boys are much, much more interesting and fun than those quiet, obedient bump on a log kids.

Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod when is this going to happen for me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ah, so this is what the next few years will look like! My DS16mo is similarly always switched onto hyper-engaged mode. It starts about...oh...4 seconds after waking and ends with him suddenly crashing at night. Glad to see other parents have made it through with sanity reasonably intact!

I really do empathize. I know this may sound unlikely, but it did really help me to have another child, although it took a while for this to "work," obviously. One though on this:


Gently: I have know quite a lot of new moms who have had not-great experiences with group outings with their littles and decided to put them off or avoid them for sometimes years. I get the impulse but I advise you to either keep trying, or, if it's as bad as all that, seek help for the issues that are making it so problematic. I do think kids need group time and I also think it's good for mom, too. He will eventually adjust better to preschool and school if he's gotten more of the time, and you will feel better knowing he can handle other environments. Also, do you use babysitters? I avoided them a lot with my first because she was intense and I was afraid to leave her with people. It was a mistake. Find a good one.

I am familiar with that trapped feeling. I am so glad to not be in it anymore. I would say...the world is full of other people and other environments and you don't have to be everything all the time. Take a break, even if you worry that he will be less than happy or that others will find him odd in some way. Lots of kids are odd in some way.

Mine is not 3 yet but I could have written most of your post. . If you lived nearby, would love to get them together...

For us, most group classes have been really bad but we found one that has been great - a parent-tot gymnastics class with a particularly great teacher. As a bonus, there are a number of gymnastics places in town that have open gym for kids under 5. Even if you don't try out the classes, really recommend open gym as a place to be a bit of a daredevil and bounce where everything is padded... Really, it has been a sanity saver this winter.

Mine also happily talks the ear off any 5 or 6 year old boy who happens to stop by the train table in the bookstore. Another fun outing.

But Polyjuice Potion is only meant for human transformations!
(At our house, the HP obsession is mine.) ;o)

Yeah, well, I think that her logic was that it worked out just fine for Hermione, and she was quite curious about what the world looks like from a cat's perspective.

She also baby-oiled one of our cats at a later date. Yes-- baby oil. This was apparently part of a planned "spa day" for kitty. She explained to me that she had wanted to make the cat's coat "shiny and sleek."

Kitty was not very impressed with the "thoroughgoing but sympathetic degreasing bath" part of Spa Day's aftermath.

I mention this just in case anyone were unaware that my very bright child is, in spite of evidence to the contrary, still very much in possession of a child's life experience and judgment. LOL.

I remember when DD8 was three. She was mostly potty-trained, but we had a changing mat on the floor in her bedroom for those occasional diapers that were easier to deal with when she was lying down. I walked into her bedroom and found that she had a giant teddy bear lying on the changing mat. She was holding both of its ankles up with one hand and was just cracking open the tub of Vaseline with the other.