Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Others' reactions to our kids

LOL This is true of my general area. Very conformist, cliquey - at least in my development. All the men are frat-boy has-beens who all seem to have gone to Penn State for business, they all are glued to their tv sets on sundays for the whatever game is on (the women on those days refer to themselves as "sports-widows,") the little boys all play the same sports, evryone has the same car that they trade out every two years for a new one (all the same), everyone dresses the same. As I drive through the neighborhood the theme song to "Weeds" plays in my head - "and they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same." LOL Needless to say, my husband, the computer geek, and I, an opinionated lawyer (who dared breastfeed her child beyond 6 weeks and sometimes even IN PUBLIC ) do not really fit in with our 12 year old car (though my minivan is relativley newer but it is a MINIVAN not a lexus SUV or a Range Rover). Surprisingly, my quirky/artsy Ds who isn't the biggest into sports either is relatively popular these days - I think it's his mohawk (which he likes to use red gel in) and the fact the little girls seem to get crushes on him. Maybe it's his rebel/bad boy image...

Today, a more than usually self aware person said to me with exceptional self-confidence. "You know, you can't REASON with them at that age..." (beat) (confidence restored) "but he seems to be understanding."

Just thought that one might amuse people.

HG+ children themselves find this increasingly grating, too. Just noting that it doesn't really go away as they get older. It just becomes snide/inappropriate comments that "Label" the child, rather than acknowledging him/her as a person.

Oh swell.

I get irritated when people talk about him like he isn't there. Our ped. has done this several times.

It is funny because our vet acts like our dog is a person and our ped. acts like our kid isn't.

My smart/quirky/musical theater kid did not fit in and never seemed to have any desire to fit in with the sports kids in our small town. When he was in kindergarten the teacher that told me that kids that age are very accepting of differences (like reading way above grade level and using a high level vocabulary and getting so excited about books and science and learning in general) and made it sound like it was some kind of behavior problem that we needed to fix so that he would fit in and color in the lines without complaining and act like he loved football like everyone else.

I feel a little sad for the kindergarten teacher because I think she is finding out that it doesn't work to force a child to be like everyone else. I found out recently that her own smart/quirky/artsy son who sang at all the local small town festivals and wrote some of his own music and was very good at it has turned away from his very religious upbringing and his music definitely reflects that. I wonder if he was bullied at our small town school or if he was able to hide his differences enough to avoid the bullying. My aunt, the grandmother of popular sports kids in our town, says artsy kids are bullied everywhere, that it isn't just our town that has a problem, but I don't believe it is as bad in most other places.

People are shunned and bullied here for being different, yet my son wears his hair in a style that is different from that of the sports kids because he doesn't want to appear to be associated with them in any way.

I am so happy that my child is not like the sports kids in our area. I hear those sports kids talking at restaurants with their limited vocabulary, making fun of people who are different. But I am sad that we have to be so isolated for such a long time and that my son will have to wait until college to find other kids like him.

[quote=KJP]I get irritated when people talk about him like he isn't there. Our ped. has done this several times.

Our first ped. did this too, as did the staff in the office. We switched peds- best move ever, if you have the option. Our current ped has a great relationship with each kid, and treats them as the primary person in the visit- something I know will help when they are teens and in the exam room without mom .

That is funny. I never thought about that, but our vet treats our dog better than one of the pediatricians my son saw several years ago. My son had the nerve to ask her to explain what she was doing and why instead of immediately sitting silently and doing as told. When I asked questions she told me that we would have to make another appointment if we wanted to ask so many questions because she didn't have time to answer them. Now that I think about this it upsets me that my dog got better treatment than my son did at the military base my son had to go to for his medical care.

Our dentist enjoys my son's questions and always takes time to answer him. Her sons are gifted. One of them is a doctor.

Another cosleeper here--my probably highly gifted dd coslept and transitioned herself to her own room before 3yo. DS (who is probably gifted but not as obviously) really needs me around. He's suuuuper sensitive so he needs a lot of extra comfort. We're all lucky (DS, DH, and I) to be on the same page about this being appropriate for this "season of life."

I'm getting comments at school (DD is in K) just because she's surprised people with her reading and everyone volunteers during language arts at some point it seems (except me, because DS needs me at naptime, ha). Some have been very neutral which I'll take, but came across as a little pointed. If they asked I'd love to explain we didn't hothouse her :p DS is getting the "wow he's really talking" comments but dd talks so much he flies under the radar and we got them SO much w her it really is easier to just vaguely smile and move on. We're lucky we've only had mostly neutral or even sympathetic (wondering if dd is bored etc) comments... Hopefully no one's talking behind our backs.

How "seen" a child is really depends on personality a lot. I know my middle child is HG+, but the only comments we got about her when little were either about her inappropriate climbing / investigating from 6months to 2 yrs, or "Does she talk yet?" - when she'd been talking non stop to me for over a year, but did not to all to others, or even to me infront of other people. My youngest on the other hand draws attention and comments everywhere she goes. I'm sure she's gifted, she could be more gifted I suppose, hard to know at not yet 3. But she doesn't seem more out their intellectually than my older girls so much as way more out there in extroversion and social skills.... "Oh I could wear my ballerina leggings to the shops and people would notice my beautiful leggings and they would talk to me! Ok, I'll wear them! Lets go!" She's sure the whole world lives only to talk to her (or more accurately to listen to her).