Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Need help with balance

Oh, I don't know-- I think you articulated it VERY well.

I've often had the same internal debate, since having a child who is more-or-less home-based all the time means that electronic media are her "window" onto the world at large, but we also feel that limiting that electronic diet is important given that she seems to have some potential to abuse it.

As far as I have been able to tell from research on the subject;

a) studies don't really adequately differentiate ACTIVE activities versus passive ones in evaluations of screen time, particularly with children under 10, and

b) it's not clear at all that such studies may be properly applied to HG+ persons as a population.

In other words, I don't know that there are good guidelines for this-- other than just the parent gut-check. I tend to feel that it's so highly individual that any really good guidance would not be generally very useful. It might be that HG+ children should have 0 to 6 continuous hours of screen time daily, but with the caveat that it needs to be active, (meaning that the programming REQUIRES something from the viewer), and that it should not interfere with other interests or take the place of previously enjoyable off-line activities.

Vague, right? But I think that is probably the truth. Different kids need different things. HG+ kids probably have an even wider distribution.

We allow SOME types of screen time much more than others. We have no need to limit television at all-- it's just not DD's thing. We also don't need to restrict FB, e-mail, or arcade-style gaming. Again, not addictive for her. What we have had to struggle against is RP-style gaming, in all of its many guises. Webkinz and Pokemon were a NIGHTMARE to regulate. So much so that we finally just put a moratorium on both things, because they were like crack. I've reluctantly said "no" to Minecraft preemptively on that basis, actually. After discussing it, DD had to admit that it was probably the right decision-- because after about 6th grade, and DEFINITELY with a virtual school, you have to allow internet access to allow them to do what they need to do educationally... and good luck policing it with a PG child. (UGH)

On the other hand, we do NOT limit educational gaming/activities, and haven't since DD was about five. If she wanted to play Reader Rabbit for a couple of hours, so be it-- and sometimes she did. If she wants to work on HTML code for an entire Saturday, only coming up for air to do chores and household basics, again, so be it. We draw the line there when we see a shift in her attitude. She cops a 'tude, and she gets electronics restrictions. Like a time-out, but for big kids.

Oh-- and if they are old enough for independent use, they are old enough for a couple of general family-rules type things.

a) An AUP (Acceptable Use Policy) that everyone in the family agrees to and SIGNS. I still have the one that DD signed when she was six.

b) Kids do NOT have an expectation of 'privacy' in electronic interactions. Period. This simple rule means: i) no late-night chat sessions or pay-per-view, ii) no electronics in bedrooms or other private spaces, and iii) NO wiping of 'history' in a browser without permission.

c) some agreement that parents have the right to limit activities as a result of judgment calls re: health, safety, and appropriate behavior.


d) INSIST on good ergonomics-- our kids are going to spend far more of their lives at this than we can even IMAGINE. Repetitive stress injuries are a real concern if we allow them to cultivate poor habits.

I don't know where I'd be without my little digital timer. It's amazing how that little electro beep works so much better than me saying, "Okay, that's it--it's been 10 minutes." It was also an important revelation when we realized that duh, cell phones have timers, and can be used as one when out of the house.

We recently got a new Wii game that we ALL find very addicting. DD has had a few freakouts when play time was up (as determined by timer beeping, which she knew in advance would happen). The consequence is that there is no Wii time the next day. She knows this. Of course, she is 9. This is tough for a 2yo to understand, and it's why I phased out computer time for a long time when DD was little--she was just too into it.

This is correct. (I follow this research very closely for work.) There's a little bit of research on toddlers and interactive books showing that that is a...weird interaction, but that's about it. Someone needs to GET ON THIS already.

Howler, you seemed to understand exactly what I was trying to get at. Thank you for your reply. You've given me a lot to think about. I never would of thought of ergonomics.

I want to limit screen time but then when I see him asking for certain programs I become so torn.

I think that I'm going to set a scheduled time each day, with a time limit, that is for entertainment purposes. If he wants to play Angry Birds or Temple Run so be it, though he really like Presidents vs Aliens yesterday. At other times when the usage is for educational purpose I'm going to try and relax my concerns and see where this leads. Last night he left Khan Academy to go listen to a story with his sister and that made me feel a lot better. He had a desire to participate in life not just sit in front of the computer.

Wish me luck!

I would be very careful about this, because you may be drawing a distinction that he has not yet made. He may find Khan Academy to be every bit as fun as Angry Birds. If it occurs to him that Khan Academy is "work," he may lose interest.

FWIW, my DD8's usage of the computer mostly consists of simple flash game sites (y8, girlgames) and browsing Youtube for funny videos (fails, song parodies). In other words... mental junk food. We don't worry about it, because she's challenged in (home)school, she has other activities where she's challenged mentally/physically, she spends a significant amount of time in free play with friends/parents, and she self-regulates her screen time to just a small portion of her day.

And that, I think, is what you really want to be focusing on here... when your DS is on the computer, regardless of whether it's mentally nutritious or junk, what else is he missing out on? Is he spending enough time in free play (which is VITAL for proper brain development)? Is he losing out on interactive time with peers and parents? Is he getting enough exercise?

The major problem that studies of screen time and children identify, time and time again, is that excessive screen time crowds out other necessary, beneficial activities. So, if you've identified a lack, then it becomes necessary to set limits. If not... no harm, no foul, right?