Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments crap--my 4yo just lost his marbles about school

DS4 is this easygoing, delightful little person. Makes friends easily, loves to play, very sweet and kind-hearted. We have been reassuring ourselves that he will do fine in amny settings, with enrichment at home. He is at a slightly academic pre-K this year, but they also do lots of puppets, blocks, pretend play, etc. However, there is a strong emphasis on pre-K and early K skills as well, including basic sight words, writing, counting to 100, and so on. This is a state-funded pre-K but it's attached to a private, religious K-8 school; many of the students will continue there next year, but we will not. I like the teachers and the class always seems orderly and happy. I know the academic stuff is very easy for him (with the exception of writing, where he is only slightly advanced) but haven't been worried. He has no behavior problems--I think the teachers adore him.

He has seemed completely content with the school until very recently. Last week and this, he hasn't been wanting to go. This morning he had a complete meltdown (out of character) about it. When I asked him why he didn't want to go, he had two reasons. One was about recess--I guess the other kids all want to play a certain running game and he doesn't want to. Typical kid stuff. However, he then launched into a long and impassioned speech about how he never learns anything, they never teach anything, he wants harder work, everything is the same all the time, etc. He gave example after example of things he has to do that he is tired of (rhyme, say words starting with a particular letter, count). Honestly, I even asked him if his sister had been talking to him about this because she used to say the same things about kindergarten. (He said no.)

The school curriculum is to a large degree dictated by the state requirements for pre-K. Everyone does the same things, always. I don't know if there is really much the teachers can do to enrich him...any easy, nonfussy ideas for that? All I can think of is providing harder books and puzzles and asking if he can work at a higher level when they use the computer.

He says he wants to stay home with me, but he can't; I work mornings. We have thoroughly assessed the preschool scene here. There is one other option that might work, BUT it's not nearly as many hours and it's not free. It's totally play-based and probably somewhat chaotic, but there would be no boring academics he already knows.

For reference, he reads at probably a 3rd-grade level (right now he is steaming through the Magic Schoolbus chapter books) and his math and number skills are probably end of first grade. I suspect he will test HG.

Tricky. If this weren't his last year where he is, I'd be saying do consider the purely play-based alternative, but it seems unlikely to be worth moving him now only to move him again, doesn't it? Or does he take to new situations like a duck to water unlike mine, in which case might be worth thinking whether it's really too inconvenient and expensive, or not.

Could he maybe: write himself a sheet of sums, and then do it, instead of some of these activities? Read a book quietly? Think of the longest word he can/a word that begins with A and ends with T or whatever?

Make sure you're not over-interpreting, too - could it be that the running game is what he was really upset about and the other stuff very minor really in how much it bothers him? Sometimes when we're waiting for a problem to appear we can leap on it with too much enthusiasm...

It's possible I'm overinterpreting and/or that the root of this is something else. It's certainly surprising to get all this angst when I've never heard a peep before. Also, he is normally so easy-going and can handle situations that are less than ideal. He just hasn't seemed to possess that NEED to be in a challenging environment that DD did--until this morning! He may not be feeling well...he has some mystery complaints that we need to sort out.

He can do math in his head, but his writing would not be up to a sheet of math unless it was "circle the answer" or something. Numbers are still reversed and not very legible. (His writing of words is better.)

He does do well with new situations. Very adaptable. I do think the other school would be mostly free play, though, and I don't know how he'd like that.

Contrarian view: If he went into a long, impassioned, impromptu speech about the level of challenge he's receiving, I'd interpret that as the real problem. It's likely that he's been thinking about this for a very long time, it's just that, for whatever reason that got into his little 4yo brain, he was afraid to talk to you about it.

It was really quite the speech. He's an articulate little guy. I kept thinking someone had put words into his mouth somehow, but I remember thinking the same thing when my DD said similar stuff. We have definitely not led him down the garden path in this regard...I have never asked him if school is too easy or if he's bored or anything like that. I've just asked him if he likes school, and he's always said yes.

Honestly, I was worried when he started at this school (his previous situation was very play-based and also run by a fab woman who "got" him). But I have been in "let sleeping dogs lie" mode because all appeared well and we have had more pressing issues in the family.

My dd went to a public pre-K, attached to an elementary school. They bumped her up in an informal skip. She was able to meet with the k'ers, in their highest group, so she received more challenge in reading, writing and math (But she did coloring, specials and recess with the pre-k'ers.). If there are higher grades in this school, it seems reasonable that your son could go to the other classes for challenge. What do the teachers say about that?

Our little niece is also going through this, and I was worried that I'd let slip in front of her some of the issues our dd and ds have both had...probably so, to be frank, in conversing with my sister. But whether or not this genie could have been kept in the bottle a few more months or even years is probably moot - the child is bored

Maybe even better to handle it sooner rather than later.

I admit we do sometimes handle these things by setting up little incentives for dd to get up - hey today is the day you get to go to the special class at school. Today is the day you get out early for vision therapy. Today is the day your class is going to x/y/z. Switching schools is NOT always a possibility, as in the case of our dd.

We did similar things to syoblrig, dd got an informal skip to K level when she was supposed to stay in pre-k, based on test scores and an interview with the K teacher.

Or... Where is he going next year, and could he go there now? Might be worth talking to them in a "what would you do in my place given this problem" way...

I think it is really common for kids to want to stay home. My DD4 only goes to school a few hours a day, three days a week, and never wants to go to school in the morning. She always says she would rather stay home. I usually just ponder out loud to myself what snack she will miss, and that is enough to get her to school.

More important--she is happy at school. She is upset to leave early when I pick her up before the end of her day.

My DD is very similar to your DS except that she socially immature or delayed. So, I do feel like she is challenged socially. She is in a strictly play based school. And, she is probably more angsty by nature. So, yeah, she might wax on about school being boring, but she will do this about everything. (I have heard that four and five can be angsty.)

I love that there are no academics at her preschool, but I do worry a little about next year.

I agree that it's common...but has never been so for DS. He is an extrovert, not a homebody, and has always loved socializing. He first started to go to an in-home daycare at 2, and never cried even once when I left. In fact, he would ask to go on days he didn't have daycare. That was a great place, but he aged out.

He is also NOT angsty by nature. He's naturally happy/optimistic and not a complainer. Of course, maybe he is experiencing a change in attitude with age.

I'm actually worried about next year, too. We hope to get him into a K/1 split. He can start at DD's gifted magnet in grade 2, but that's a ways away.

I thought about asking for him to go to K for some things, but since K and up are private ($$), I just doubt they would do it. (My state is weird in that private schools can choose to offer free, state-paid pre-K.)