Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Pacing issue

While I like the idea of letting things ride as long as she seems happy about it all, I think that you've nailed why I'd be a little concerned under these circumstances.

This is the exact cocktail that has led to so many adolescent problems with my own DD-- the anxiety, the perfectionism, the task-avoidance, the disordered eating and sleeping...

when she's good, she's very, very good. And when she's bad, she can look like a candidate for inpatient psychiatric care.

Definitely do NOT allow a child with perfectionistic tendencies-- particularly a girl-- to go down that road of never having authentic challenges. If it's only math, then that might be one thing, but if it is more global, I would be looking for ways to engineer more challenge into things. Maybe not with any placement changes... since as you note, socially, things seem great; but perhaps with afterschooling or extracurriculars.

Thanks for the feedback. I did email the teacher. She thanked me for my "diplomatic" email - I was going for persuasive but can live with diplomatic. I asked for some more challenging problems that fit the curriculum (or to use eduspeak, "to go deeper") and that DD be seated with other kids with similar ability. Unless DD is working with friends, she is not a good mentor with other kids. For example, the teacher put with an eighth grade boy who does okay on homework but who can't perform on the test. The teacher was hoping that working with this kid would "cement" things for DD. DD just keeps her head down doing her own work and ignoring him.

The teacher said that they have an odd schedule this week and that she would try to address some of my concerns after Thanksgiving break. She also recommended something called math circles as an extracurricular option. I only found one in the area which is about 45 minutes away and meets on a sporadic basis on Saturdays -- not a great fit for us with various kids skiing and playing soccer on Saturdays depending upon the time of year.

DD still hasn't missed a point. I'm concerned because it is turning into a weird matter of pride for her.

Well, yeah. We all post from our own opinions and experiences of what works. With any of my three girls, asking for more challenges would have been an exercise in either "Mom, I'm handling it" (first two) or sitting back and allowing Mom to do everything and never engaging in self determination (the current teen). I tend to shy away from absolutes for that reason. Most of the things I said "never" about with the first completely don't apply to numbers three and four.