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Sounds quite a lot like my DS4.2! lol ... they are fun kids, aren't they? DS will be starting public district pre-school in a few days and I am already scared! He does have a PDD-NOS diagnosis. In terms of Asperger's ... if she really did have Asperger's or Asperger traits ... would she be placed in a different classroom or still the same one? Our public preschool is only for kids "at risk" so there is no "normal kids" class. It's kids with speech issues, developmental issues, Autisum spectrum, and other kids where they suspect future problems once they enter elementary school. Is there a reason why you would NOT want her to be evaluated for Asperger's or other disorders?

Sorry, I don't really have any answers for you ... all I can say is I decided to just enjoy the fun quirky side of DS and not let the other things bother me too much.

And public preschool teachers, at least in my opinion, should be able to handle this kind of behavior. If not, than it's not a place for them to be.

It sounds, to me, that you have a very gifted girl who is getting nothing positive from her preschool experience. I do see that her behavior would be quite difficult to deal with in a group setting of kids who are on a more "normal" developmental track. And your daughter would certainly benefit from learning more socially appropriate ways to deal with her misfit. BUT, I don't think that they problem is really your daughter. The problem is that she's four and in a bad situation that she can't possibly be expected to adjust to on her own.

My first thought would be that she doesn't need to be in a group learning situation now or in the near future. Since keeping her home for you or your wife to homeschool isn't an option, I like mon's suggestion of finding a nanny or someone (a homeschooled hs student, perhaps, or a recent college grad) who could be at home with her and work and play one-on-one with her for the time being. Another option would be to have an aid to go to school with her and make sure her reactions are more appropriate in the group setting, but the preschool situation may be such a misfit that this wouldn't work either. If you did have someone work with her one-on-one in a more homeschool-like situation, then they could approach group classes (e.g., Kindermusik, gymnastics, dance, science exploration classes) on a more short-term basis.

I really do feel for you. You have an amazing little girl and it can be so hard to see those gifts helping to make it a hard trek, especially so early in the educational journey.

I agree with MON on this, particularly the suggestion for seeking input from a specialist in child behavior. I especially think it's important that, whether or not you think the suggestion of Asperger's is completely ridiculous, that you have a specialist who is looking in from outside with no bias evaluate what is going on. The teachers are really in no position to guess at a diagnosis, but they are also (usually) experienced professionals who see a wide # of children and are most likely recognizing that *something* is going on that your dd could use help with. I think it's really easy for us as parents of gifted children to assume that behavior differences are due to high IQ and as a result of that miss out on help our children really do need. Please know I know this is really tough - I'm the parent of a 2e kiddo and that's where my perspective is coming from.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Wait, but...is she a problem for you at home, or no? You say this:


That sounds very difficult.

but you also say she is "generally terrific" outside of school. So are the issues limited to school, or no? That would greatly influence my reply.

FWIW, though, my daughter was very very difficult in preschool, and was, in fact, somewhat infamous there. I thought we would have major behavioral problems in school. We have not. Although she has had a few minor clashes and had maybe 3 major meltdowns in K, in general, she's been able to rein it in and has been very well-behaved.

Thanks for the additional background info moomin, that makes a difference in what I have to add in my response and I hope you weren't offended by anything I said in my response, not being aware of your background.

That said, I still think it's a good idea to seek out a private evaluation. I can understand the difficulty with going through the school and the concerns you have. A private evaluation comes with no hidden agenda, and you will have the opportunity to ask more detailed questions as well as get referrals (if needed) to private providers and/or recommendations for school.

My gut feeling is that if your dd is struggling in more than one setting (swimming lessons as well as what I think you have listed as more than one preschool setting) it's a good idea to have someone who is a professional look at what's up - no matter how incredibly well she might be doing at home and when she's focused. I have found with my own children that it's easy to compensate at home without realizing it, and home is also a very familiar place for our kids, so it can be a place where a child who is stressed out in the outside world can feel relaxed and happy and not appear to be struggling - yet that anxiety or whatever is there is still a part of what's there in your child, and jmo, but I'd want to know what's going on and find some help for my child to learn to navigate those other situations.

It might all be simply nothing more than gifted quirks, but I'd want someone other than just me evaluating and reassuring me that is all that it is.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Any pressure from below (i.e. the teacher wants help) is often countered by pressure from above (the district's incentive to save money by not identifying children).

It is a misconception that the federal government provides adequate funding for services for children with disabilities; the IDEA mandate has never been fully funded, leaving districts to pay their own bills. This can be a powerful disincentive for the school psychologist to identify problems; in our (wealthy) district it is still routine to see children under-identified in schools. Note: school psychologists cannot provide medical diagnosis of disability, only an educational evaluation.


It is sometimes the case that parents are inadvertently offering more support than they realize, and when similar support is not offered at school, the child does worse at school than at home. This sometimes means that there is a real problem to be addressed—the disparity can come from the fact that the parents are helping the child function in ways that the teacher does not expect do do because most children of that age don't require that kind of support.

That is, how you worded your comment ("structuring her behavior") is a flag for me that you are working very hard to keep your child on track, perhaps harder than the parents of her peers are working. To me, this says evaluate.

I would recommend an outside evaluation (complete) with the neuropsych, in parallel with the school's evaluation. The school will be looking for educational implications only, in a fairly restricted way, and they may lack the expertise to catch some things that need addressing. You want to know precisely what's going on, both strengths and weaknesses.

DeeDee

This is very much the issue we had. DS had obvious issues we saw at home, but they were NOTHING like what was going on at school. A lot of it was because we put so much effort into how things happened at home to prevent issues...

I'm wondering if playing with fairy dust is perhaps better than snorting it?

as a mom of highly sensitive children who have serious sensory issues, I would LOVE if they wanted to play with sand! I don't really see how playing with sand is a concern??? As far as I know any OT would be jumping for joy over this!

And "one on one" is SO MUCH BETTER than parallel play!

I think the school psychologist needs to see a psychologist!