Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy other parents and envy/jealousy

LOL

I've found that most people actually believe that my kid is really smart but then immediately start explaining why their kid is a good fit where they are, like they need to defend why their kid hasn't skipped a grade or something. Generally just makes the conversation turn awkward and just about as annoying as when I am accused of making it up or pushing work on him. I dont care too much about people's opinions of me as a parent but I do feel a little bad when people feel like bad parents because their kid is the oldest in the grade and mine skipped even if that is a really silly thing to think. I can't help it that this is my kid's strength. He's certainly not an athlete and I don't ever feel bad about that at all even though I live in a city where sports are huge.

Btw I have found this thread very amusing =]. I could think of a few superpowers that would be useful in parenting a gifted kid lol.

A Doctor X mind-control power would be quite useful, I think. I'd use it to purge all that "we don't do grade skipping even though we have a district policy that says we do" nonsense right out of the room.

That was exactly what I was thinking!! =}

Just to update...

DD 'broke up with' the boy in question.

She just found his immaturity and... well, his lack of "breadth" relative to her and her other friends-- too much to compensate for over time. In other words, once the initial physical appeal ("He's so CUUUTE!") wore off, there was no there there.

He was incredibly insecure and needy, which she found annoying and immature. He was also constantly 'on her' about seeking reassurance that she thought he was "smart enough" in general, and also trying to spend less time with her other friends and more time one-on-one (which we obviously didn't think was very appropriate for a pair of 13yo children to begin with). The latter habit was very definitely due to his dislike of "sharing" DD with her friends, and his fear that he is noticeably out of the intellectual league that the rest of them are playing in.

Throughout the past month she has been;

a) gracious and kind,

b) resolved to stick to her principles re: healthy relationship dynamics and boundaries (which the boy attempted to circumvent in several different ways, I might add-- and this was probably his fatal miscalculation with DD)

c) compassionate even in her break with him-- genuinely extending "friendship" and truly explaining that her reasons really are about HER and not that there is anything wrong with HIM. She explained that she simply does NOT have the time for the kind of relationship that he is seeking, and that her school year looks radically different than his does by virtue of their different placements (him: 8th grade, her: 11th grade). She also expressed the sentiment that she isn't really seeking "that kind" of relationship with ANYONE at this point in time.

He sulked for a couple of days-- but there seem to be signs that he may be willing and mature enough to remain friends. This could have something to do with the hard physical boundaries that DD never budged on, which would have made this very, very awkward otherwise.

We're very proud of how DD has conducted herself. We're also proud of how well she communicated with us throughout (particularly when she wasn't sure what to do/say in response to something odd/outrageous/objectionable), and acted thoughtfully and in accord with her own needs and beliefs. In some ways, this is completely typical DD-- incredibly mature socially.

She didn't want to tell him via text, but eventually decided that it was kinder to do it SOONER rather than waiting to do it in person, and that an unpleasant 'scene' with him was less likely to be face-saving for him and therefore more likely to deprive him of the ability to remain friends platonically. (This boy is definitely not socially adroit and has few friends; DD intends to remain one of them.)


I am also happy that she took NO pleasure in being idolized, and even less in being manipulated or "possessed" by another person, and yet still deeply dreaded hurting another person with her own actions. She wasn't being reactionary in any way. She is growing to be a lovely young woman.

On the personal Mommy-grizzly side of things, here, after DD announced this to us and showed us her the conversation on her phone...

I couldn't help thinking to myself;

Yeah? How "typical" does my 13yo seem to you NOW? HUH?

I've not seen a more gracious break-up-- EVER-- coming from a teen, and seldom even from adults. This was a boy who was basically behaving with stalkerish intensity, and DD seems to have skilfully disentangled herself without too much trauma to either one of them. Yeah. "Typical" my Aunt Fanny.

Yes, I realize that this is a rather unsavory sort of thought. I'm not proud. But there was that little inner victory lap in my own black heart. LOL.

Pics or it didn't happen.

You may want to make sure that there aren't any signs of a major jealousy reactions on the part of the 8th grade boy.

I definitely remember engaging in property damaging behavior (fortunately for me, it was minor damage) in 8th grade due to extreme jealousy, however it was directed at the boy the girl was dating instead of me, rather than the girl.

I was pretty much jealous/angry for the better part of a school year, IIRC.

Ah, middle school. Such memories...

Oy, that is definitely a worry, yes.

Bigger worry? If he went all Fatal Attraction with DD, she's incredibly vulnerable physically. It would be horrifyingly simple and he could go entirely undetected. I think that isn't likely. I hope, anyway.

While I've not posted publically here about my DD's disabling condition,(I am not reluctant to share, just reluctant to post, so the insatiably curious can PM me to ask)-- it makes placing her safety into the hands of a potentially petulant/angry/vengeful 13yo boy downright heartstopping from our perspective. Property damage is actually pretty acceptable by comparison.

This was part of the problem anyway-- DD was savvy enough to KNOW that she couldn't trust him that much. Not because he didn't care enough-- but because he wasn't experienced enough or, frankly, cognitively able-- to learn to manage what it's taken us (and her) a decade to learn imperfectly and with near-fatal mistakes along the way. There was no way that she was trusting him to lock lips with her, and he was very definitely not getting the picture.


So yes, critical that she conduct herself in such a way as to minimize any possible hard feelings. She didn't treat him gently out of a sense of self-preservation, though; it just genuinely pains her to cause distress to others. She really is that nice.