Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Sensitivity issues

Just a quick add-on about crying. As a super sensitive/empathetic person, I have always struggled with controlling my tears. My feelings were easily hurt as a child, and as an adult I chose a workplace that involved strong emotions.... good and bad. I had a co-worker share a tip with me when age realized how much I struggled. It is physically impossible to cry and do mental math at the same time. When you feel the burn inside the nose that signals the tears are near, begin to recite multiplication tables in your head. After 10+ years in the NICU, I have memorized up to the 28 times tables, but I have not cried during an emergency baptism in over 9 years!

This tip has saved my career. No joke.

This is probably one of the most interesting human mind factoids that I've ever encountered.

That and the "how to regulate your temperature" trick.

BTDT.

Our ds12 has always been a wonderfully sensitive guy. He definitely does not fit in with the typical crowd, but over time has found some other kids in our neighborhood who get him. But there were definitely times he'd come home completely perplexed and sad about the lack of fair play and niceness among most of the other kids. Kids can really be NOT NICE.

The things I guess I'd keep an eye on are whether your son has at least 2-3 friends that he can touch base with regularly to not feel so different and 'picked on'. In early elementary, our son did not and he was pretty sad about it. (actually depressed, though he is much better now). Coming out of my own shell to make sure he had regular playdates and now time to 'hang out' has been hard, but necessary.

Sometimes his descriptions of problems would seem like he was making too much of a big deal about something, so we had to walk a fine line between respecting his reactions/feelings and helping him see things from the perspective of other kids.

Yes This is the amygdala (anxiety brain region) Vs. whatever brain region does math... this is what enables me to board airplanes (they PETRIFY me).

Specifically I use a technique taught at my kids' school designed to reduce anxiety called "square breathing" ...4 counts in, 4 counts held, 4 counts out, 4 counts held, repeat (over and over, if you're me at an airport )

They use the simple square breathing so that it reaches everyone, not just the math kids. It does the same thing. As my doc says, there is solid scientific evidence that it works. It's reciprocal brain metabolism, or something like that, I'm assuming... when you count (or do math), it wakes up the "math" region while it powers down the amygdala.

(Interestingly, I recall reading somewhere that the amygdala is also partially involved in learning and that giftedness can result in increased activity in the amygdala). Explains a lot.

What's this one?

Oh my gosh. I don't believe it. I hate it, but I cry for things in movies. I mean, I don't cry but I do get the burning and sometimes a tear also. I just tried this math trick and it totally works.

OMG me too, I sometime cry (tear up) at the stupidest things –one time a coffee commercial set me off…it’s embarrassing. I can't wait to try this!


Yes, please tell us Jon, this skill could be a real life saver for me

That is absolutely BRILLIANT. Where was your coworker thirty years ago?!

I have no idea how it's done, just that there's some sort of mental trick so that you can increase your body temperature.

I think the monks who meditate for hours in the cold with only a think coat are able to do it.

I don't know whether you can make your internal temperature *colder*.

Some of you might be interested in Elaine Aron's work on highly sensitive people. She has a PhD in clinical psychology and has written a book on parenting the highly sensitive child. I found that her work gave me a bit more insight on not only my son, but also myself. Her website is here: http://www.hsperson.com/