Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Do we prepare the child for the journey

I so agree 'neato. Everyone is doing the best they can do for their children and I have learned soooooo much from the people here. I love that we can discuss these things too. Reminds me of my days in philosophy class......

This was exactly my experience growing up. It took a really long time to view some these aspects of giftedness as a positive thing.

I truly think if you listen to your gut as a parent, you will do right by your child. I think light sanding is needed for every child in certain areas!

I wasn't trying to put words in your mouth, CFK. Sorry if it seemed that way. But it is my opinion that what you're describing here would probably be indulgent and would NOT raise kids with the kind of values that I/we want them to have. FWIW...

Having just seen a child behaving VERY badly, with his mom using his GTness and sensitivity and every other excuse in the book to justify that behavior, and having just vented about it with a friend/parent of a GT child that it is possible to be GT AND well-behaved (!!!), I think there maybe *should* be some negative value attached to going too far with accomodations. (I just haven't seen anyone here doing that.)

I guess to me it's like the judge's ruling in that big pornography case some years ago: "I may not know the definition of going too far with accomodations, but I know it when I see it..."

I do think that as long as we're all asking the question, we're probably doing okay. The mom I keep referring to wasn't even asking the question. Ugh.

There's a book by the title "Raising Resilient Kids". The author has a website, too. The website was interesting, and I might see if the library has the book. It sounds like it might address this topic.

I think getting accomodations for special educational requirements is preparing the child for the journey, especially when we model adaptability when we run into brick walls.

LOL!

I've heard good things about "Raising Resilient Kids," but I have never gotten around to reading it. It sounds like a book I would really like. Thanks for reminding me, OHG!

I've thought a lot about this topic for several years. GS8 is easily 'annoyed', and then becomes disruptive at school. Those are the things I've been most concerned about when preparing him for the journey.
But to get him started on the right path, I've had to prepare the journey for him, a lot! His emotional responses are a part of him, his behavior is an outward response to inward feelings. If he can't take responsibility for his behavior yet, then I think I should step in, take that responsibility for a while as I hand it back to him. Kriston presented a good example, if GS(then 5) hit a child(actually I should say WHEN GS hit a child), I would step in, tell him that was not appropriate and ask him to apologize. If he couldn't take responsibility for his behavior, I would apologize for him, then remove him from those situations until he could behave appropriately. To some extent, I think that's preparing the child, but also preparing the journey for the child.

A runner has to work, train, and build up to running a marathon, and I see myself as GS8's trainer for this part of his journey. He doesn't know what I know and it's my job to prepare him. At 8, I'm responsible for this part of his journey. At 18, I expect him to be responsible for the majority of his journey. At that point, I hope to be just a trusted advisor.

I agree with this completely! I always say that I'm not raising children, I'm raising future adults, and I always try to keep my eye on that long-term goal in everything I do. I find it's a good check on my behavior and that of my kids.

I'm raising future adults Aaahhh, a woman after my own heart! That's what I say, too.

I knew it!

I find it so hard to be around parents who don't have this attitude. I just cringe to see it.

CFK - Although we haven't yet encountered problems related to the school setting, I wonder all the time if my child's behavior's are related to his age (4) versus his giftedness. My instincts tell me right now that most of his bad behavior is related to his age, but perhaps he's a little more creative about how he goes about it due to his giftedness. We'll just have to wait and see what happens when he gets to real school (not just 2 days of preschool).

Re: Kriston/OHGrandma - raising future adults. I have a concern that come from my parents' support of me. They always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be. I always thought this was very cool of them. But this caused problems when it turned out I was pretty good at everything, and I couldn't decide on what I really wanted to do for work. I still don't know. How do you prepare your kids for this possibility or avoid it?