Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Help, Mommy Guilt and Disappointment

Okay, STOP THIS NOW.
Your neighbor is not a better mother for homeschooling. She is not nobler, providing an overall superior education, more innovative, cooler, braver, thriftier, a better Scout, or anything else. What she is doing is being a mom who has considered what works well for her family and followed through on it.
You, otoh, are...a mother who has considered what works well for her family and has followed through on it. You did what was best, then circumstances changed and you did what was best then, and now they're changing again and you're doing what's best again.
So I figure you probably both get equal Good Mommy points. (And as an aside, I've homeschooled gifted and 2e kids and, while I wouldn't trade the experience and think it was absolutely the right choice at the time, I frankly am just as happy they've elected to go to the brick & mortar high school at this point.)

You appear to have several different stressors. I suggest that you step back and re-evaluate. That commute would not be good for anyone. Maybe he can suplement some on-line accelerated courses. Maybe he would just like a break to re-group and make a smooth transition due to the move. Even if a move is a positive one, it is still stressful. Focus on your and your families needs and do not even consider what the neighbors may or may not be doing. Until someone walks in your shoes, they really do not know how they fit. As for as the other gifted parents and the program; will it really matter 10 years from now what they think? No. Use this time for free discovery. A gifted child is going to continue to learn. I found that many of the items on the gifted exams were not learned in the classroom, but from life experiences, travel, and our own personal interactions with our HG DS. Everything will fall into place if your focus is only one your situation. If you focus on the external stressors you will not be grounded.

Exactly. It's not always the right fit.

AND it's not always done properly. A friend of mine who teaches in public high school says that many of the home school kids they get who transition back to public school are at a lower level than their public school grade peers. (I'm guessing this isn't in reference to the G&T kids who are home schooled to accelerate - different story for them, maybe...) But many, many of the neuro-typical kids who are home schooled apparently don't get a complete education, mostly because the parents who do it haven't been able to fully prepare themselves (i.e. teaching techniques, curriculum content, etc etc). There are some parents who shouldn't home school (i.e. too busy?) who try anyway, and sometimes the kids suffer as a result.

Btw, I'm very pro-home school, generally speaking, and many parents do a fantastic job... I considered doing it myself... but some family situations are not optimized for it.

Don't feel guilty... omgosh... I don't think I could PARENT five kids, let alone home school them! lol

In regards to the home schooling option, as has been said, you need to assess what is best for you, your child, and how that effects the whole family obviously. As someone who runs weekly strategy gaming events and regularly works with gifted children I’d like to make a suggestion to parents who home school. Make mass efforts if you home school to involve your child in social activities on a regular basis please?

The biggest problem I’ve seen occur in regards to home schooling is when children do become involved in social activities outside the home they often show a lack of knowledge of social skills, ability to handle social problem scenarios, and knowledge of acceptable social behavior.

Now, before anyone blasts me, this pains me greatly and I do my best as a mentor to help those often highly intelligent children to gain the social skills necessary to adapt to an unfamiliar environment. It often takes years of weekly nurturing. Luckily, the strategy gaming community is accustomed to having such people involved and lack of social skills is most often forgiven and dismissed as part of the “quirks” of those sometimes involved in the gaming community.

So if you home school, do yourself and your child a favor and go out of your way to ensure there is plenty of social activity for your child outside of your home please.

[quote=Old Dad
The biggest problem I’ve seen occur in regards to home schooling is when children do become involved in social activities outside the home they often show a lack of knowledge of social skills, ability to handle social problem scenarios, and knowledge of acceptable social behavior.
[/quote]

I know you were sharing your experiences Old Dad, and I really do appreciate hearing everyone's experience, so please know I'm not trying to argue or counter what you've said. I do agree with you that being sure to provide opportunities for social experiences and learning is an important part of homeschooling. FWIW, my experience has been different. I haven't ever homeschooled myself, but I've had quite a few homeschooled children take part in groups I've led, and my experience has been the opposite - the homeschooled children that I've had have instead often been quite adept at understanding acceptable social behavior and are able to navigate social nuances as well as the other-schooled kids

I wonder if sometimes the social challenges people see in some homeschooled kids are simply kids who have social challenges, and would have the same type of challenges in other-school too?

Best wishes,

polarbear

Entirely possible polarbear, whether the symptom is a result of lack of social interaction or simply because the child is socially challenged, increased social interaction with mentoring seems to often help the problem.

A school can worsen manners (I'm not sure what "social skills" means) if it tolerates misbehavior by students. I went to a good suburban high school. I remember once going to a lower-track English class to take a test for another class with the same teacher. I was surprised by the chaotic environment. The boys in the back of the class loudly carried on their own conversations, which the teacher must have noticed but ignored. This never happened in honors classes. In urban schools the behavior tolerated can be much worse.

If you disrespect your boss at a meeting in this way, expect to be fired. These boys were being DE-socialized.

How one socializes within their family isn't necessarily appropriate for how one socializes outside of the family. People interact differently, additional social skills are needed such as learning how to introduce oneself, gain the trust of others, gauge when to trust others, know when / when not to offer personal information, and when to just walk away among other things.

If someone spends the mass majority of their time at home they often don't develop the outside the home social skills until such time as they're forced to do so...and then it can be a painfully bumpy ride in a short time span. Is this true in all cases? Of course not, it's just my personal experience that it happens more often with those who are home schooled as they often have less social interaction during their school age years. Your personal experience of course may vary.

I think there's the issue of "social manners" vs. "Street smarts". Kids need to know both. I learned manners at home. I went to a ROUGH high school. I mostly stayed away from trouble, but I quickly learned when to speak up, shut up, and get away as fast as possible. I do think these experiences were invaluable, but I shudder to think of my son learning them in quite the same way.

The social landscape of childhood and especially adolescence is ragged. I think offering our kids experiences where they can learn how to survive is necessary whether in school or out.

Interesting. I went to a good high school in a small college town in the 80s. Our 9th grade student teacher in honors English told us the same story about her different classes. Yet I took wood shop with some of the kids from the lower-track English classes and they were all perfectly behaved in shop class. Maybe they were more interested in shop. I don't know.

I agree with Old Dad about socializing and homeschooled kids, whether the reasons are for learning to interact or (in our case) just getting out of the house and being part of a big group of kids. My eldest will be homeschooling via online courses this coming year. We're fortunate that our city has a free after-school program in a building with a gym. It also has a skateboard park and huge fields. The kids can do sports, play games, and get homework help. They also have a pool table, a ping-pong table, and other sundry things. DS will probably spend 10-15 hours a week there. This program is one of those rare gems that seems to have survived successive bad economies completely intact.