Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school running away three year old

I'm not quite sure what you mean there, but as I said, it worked for mine but may be entirely the wrong approach for yours.

Hope you find something that fits - it sounds exhausting.

For my son when he was two/three, street and parking lot rules were laid out with a big dose of fear/reality. I found a big SUV parked in a parking lot and had him stand at the bumpers. He could easily see how the driver can't see him. I also pointed out dented cars and we talked about the force/strength/power necessary to bend the metal. He quickly put it together that his 40lb. squishy body would not handle a collision well.
At four, he is very careful in parking lots and crossing the street.

My daughter would have considered being carried across the parking lot a reward, not a punishment.

Lots of gifted kids experience most of what passes for punishment as a reward. We might be yelling or spanking or weeping or barking - but it's all so very exciting and interesting. Like candy for our intense little ones.

Have you even found that you can't stop wiggling a sore tooth? Even painful experiences can be rewards.

People sure are complicated, eh?
wink
Grinity

I don't see this as a gifted thing. In general, kids love being carried. It's like a carnival ride, with a dose of close human contact added in.

Grinity had a good point that making parents crazy can often be reward for kids...much like the way teasing a big sister is fun despite the fact the teasing is usually followed by a hard punch. I know Transforming the Difficult Child has been mentioned on these boards before. I like to combine the concepts of Dr. Phelan's no-talking, no-emotion approach (123 Magic series) and the ideas from Howard Glasser about a "difficult" child's motivation for misbehavior.

I also see Dude's point that this is true of all kids...some more than others.

Last week DD tried a fast one, which would have brought a watching parent to tears. I told her I knew what was up and explained why and wherefore. Then I got to real remorse from her.

It was a good one though.

Motivation for misbehavior? I don't think that is so tough to figure out for any child.

Ren

I distinctly remember faking to be asleep on the couch at bedtime sometimes when I was little so my father would carry me upstairs. He probably knew I was faking but I rarely if ever had "alone time" with him so I suppose I admit, I manipulated the whole thing, and he indulged.

I was getting more desparate with the dashing toward the street thing with DD (and she was a strong and successful wiggler-awayer) and did the trying-to-scare her with being little and getting squished, and a neighbor with 4 grown girls told me he really disapproved,that every child would learn this when they were ready. Then I felt super guilty like I had now scarred her for life. Be calm and it not might sink in, be too dramatic you scar them or they just get into the drama...I still think that creating situations where they feel freedom but they are secretly safe is a good way to go.

Yup - we started with 123 Magic, with was better, in our hands, at halting unwanted behavior than creating wanted behavior, and then moved on to Transforming with Glasser. I found that much better at working with the 'insides' to grow the child so that he could start that 'virtuous cycle' that good bahavior brings.

Smiles,
Grinity

LOL. The three of us often snuggle together in my bed at night to watch a movie. When the movie is over and it's time for DD to go to bed, she'll pretend to be asleep. I'll pretend she's a little baby and I don't want to wake her, then handle her in ways guaranteed to wake the dead (sling her over my shoulder fireman's style, etc.), and dump her rudely into bed. She keeps her eyes closed the whole time, and fails to fully suppress her grin.


It depends on the child's personality. It's certainly possible that a child will be scarred by this information, and it's up to you to figure out if that's a potential problem or not. I would expect that to be a small minority, though. The world is a scary place for little ones, and if they're noticing things to be afraid of and nobody is talking about them, that can lead to some serious anxiety problems.

We explained to DD why it was important to hold our hands... drivers can't see her, she's not fully aware of her surroundings, etc. And then we explained why holding our hands mattered... drivers can see us, we're always scanning for potential dangers, and by keeping contact we can stop her or pull her along depending on the situation.

And here's why this is a really good conversation to have... she's learning a lot more than just parking lot behavior here. There's an underlying subtext in this conversation, in which she learns that her parents are smart, they're anticipating dangers, and she can trust us to keep her safe. So although the conversation starts out quite alarming, the end result is quite comforting. Rather than scarring, the conversation promotes a sense of security.

Another benefit: voluntary compliance. Then you don't have to worry about them feeling free and being secretly safe. It still feels like freedom if holding hands was her choice.