Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How to tell neighborhood moms about dd's skip

When our DS skipped first, we were able to keep his friendship with best buddy alive by signing the kids up for summer programs together and scouts, and playdatesaskd sleepovers. DS has friends from his new school, too, but still loves to do stuff with his best bud before the skip/school change .

Eta: can't type on iPhone!

It probably wouldn't have helped to sweetly suggest that she couldn't have closed the gap even if she'd tried.

We do live fairly nearby (about 4 blocks away) and they have a ton in common. What is apparently happening now is that they are becoming more aware of their different academic skills and our son is pretending not to know things and his friend is refusing to try things when they are working together (which happens a lot within the kindergarten setting since his buddy is cognitively similar but hasn't found his stride with reading yet--math is another story, our son's math scores are above the 99.9th percentile).

So, I am hoping that if they can have shared experiences (after school program, summer camp, weekend activities) that don't focus on academics, and get their academics separately, things will improve between them instead of it being the kind of push/pull they have now.

I hope so too. I'm just thinking that their divergent social spheres at school will pull them apart over time. If so, there's really nothing wrong with it, and in the meantime they can still have fun sharing some time together.

I wouldn't say anything, myself, as they will certainly notice it for themselves sooner or later. But DS's neighborhood friends are all up and down the grades, so it didn't really make any difference when he skipped K, and he hasn't skipped anything since. We may have a skip after next year, or the year after, but everybody knows him and wouldn't be surprised. He has three neighbor friends a year younger than he is, who are one and two years behind him in school due to cutoff dates, and one a year older who is in his grade.

When they notice the skip, and ask questions, that's when you can do the "oh, yes, we and the school felt it was best, please pass the mustard" thing.

Well, I can't not say anything. It comes up in the first 2 minutes of any conversation.

"So, you're new in the neighborhood! How old are your kids? Oh, so she'll be in 6th grade at xx Middle in the fall? Oh, 7th? So how did she like it for the end of 6th? Oh, she was at xx Elementary this spring? How does that work?"

or

"So, dd will be starting middle school in the fall! Is she excited about 6th grade?"

I just don't want dd to be in the position of having to address it first herself. She is very capable, and it would be different if we were doing it in the town where she already knew everyone, but this is all new for her.

FWIW, it came up with a neighbor today who was totally supportive and who knows dd from the bus stop. She said how mature she is and that she can totally see that it is the right choice for her.

Part of the reason I want to handle this well isn't just for dd11, but for dd5 who will be entering k with a bunch of kids from this neighborhood and I am sure in that situation competitiveness/jealousy/judgment is a strong possibility depending on what dd5's needs are (which are more unique/less straightforward than dd11 prob. also a candidate for a skip or more in the future).

Ahh, in that case, my planned fallback if we do this exact skip next year (although everybody knows DS and wouldn't be surprised) is the absolutely true, "Middle school is total hell and we'd like to skip as much of it as possible." I had a horrendous time in (it was then) junior high, and I'm quite sure it hasn't improved since. My sincere wish is that DS could just skip to high school after fifth grade, though I don't see it happening. He could, if he set his mind to it, but he's too lazy to put that much work into enough subjects to do that.

Haha! Too funny--I will have to try that one!

This, or when they ask how old she is, reply, "She's going into seventh grade." Kind of like how people respond to "How far away is TownA from TownB?" with, "Three and a half hours." Not exactly answering the question that was asked, but giving pertinent information nevertheless.

I don't have much insight, as my kids are nowhere near this age yet, but catty neighborhood politics can be pretty ridiculous.

My dd 13 does this all the time when asked her age. She just responds with her grade. I'm not totally on board with it b/c it seems like sidestepping the question, which I guess it really is, but no one has of yet followed up to ask for her actual age. It helps that she is wearing make-up, has gotten really tall (at least for our family), and generally is assumed to be a lot older than she is anyway. So, when people hear "I'm going into 10th grade," for instance, they seem to hear "I'm 15," or "I'm 16."