Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Messing up her social domain... again

DD7's G/T program just added a part-time gifted teacher, and as a result, DD's time in G/T pull-out each day has been increased by about 40 minutes. Yay. DW and I secretly suspect we had something to do with that, because at our last meeting with the school we had the district G/T coordinator in attendance, and as she ticked off the benefits DD was currently enjoying, she said DD was getting X minutes in math and Y minutes in language arts from the gifted program, in accordance with state requirements, to which DW and I immediately said, "No, she isn't." DD was getting 2 hours, and that was significantly lower than X + Y.

Mind you, this meeting was an extension of the now 1.5yo argument my DW and I have had with the school over why they won't just skip DD to 2nd grade. The school has been against it all along, because of the nefarious social argument. The district has weighed in on the side of the school.

So, now she's got more minutes. Now DD's gifted class doesn't end until her 1st-grade class has finished lunch and gone to recess. The school is now presenting us with the option of allowing DD to go to lunch and recess... the most social part of the day... with the 2nd and 3rd graders.

Of course, now the problem is she doesn't know anyone in 2nd and 3rd grade, because she's been stuck in a 1st grade class all year. I'm obviously tempted to say, "If you'd have just skipped her into 2nd like we asked, this would be a non-issue."

The school has asked DD about how she feels about eating lunch with the older kids, and she seemed reluctant. I asked her, too... and it seems she's concerned about being picked on by taller kids, and that it's already a problem for her with the taller kids in first grade. Arrrgh. What's really frustrating is that the argument for keeping her with her age peers has always been about social development, yet they're constantly doing things that interrupt that. First it was the G/T schedule and 1st grade schedule conflicted over art and PE, now this.

So, as I understand it, our options are:

- Have them cut DD loose from G/T early so she can go to lunch with her 1st-grade class.
- Have her eat lunch with the 2nd-3rd graders and see if she can make any new friends.
- Use this as another tool to push for a grade skip.

I'm still weighing this and I need to explore this further with DD, but I'd like to hear your thoughts.

We've not been successful with skip either and my DD is not shorter than everyone else. They usually use organizational skills or just a general "it's not our philosophy" though I think after this year we might push alot harder this spring.

If I were you I'd keep her G/T minutes, eat lunch with the 2/3 graders and yes use it as another tool to push for grade skip. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your DD and can mentally coach her out of her being nervous, and I bet she'll be totally successful. Getting along just fine first, making new friends second.

Oh what a tough decision. It would be so much easier for her to establish herself as a "peer" with the older kids in the classroom where the interactions are moderated and filtered a bit more by the teacher. I think I'd see this as an opportunity to launch another salvo their direction for the skip...

I too would push for a full skip. What they are doing right now makes it so that your DD is not part of either class. It makes her like a cork bobbing between two islands. In the long run, that approach seems more socially and emotionally perilous. If she goes into 2nd, it may be a tough transition but ultimately that will become her class.

I also would be hesitant for lunch with the older kids if SHE doesn't want that or is worried about it. I'd hate to see her so overly concerned about lunch that it intereferes with her enjoyment of her enrichment time.

I think I would choose enrichment over the lunch socialization but I can see how the school might turn this into you DECLINING the GT, kwim?

I guess, what I don't understand, is, why isn't she doing GT work while the rest of the first grade class is doing the regular math or what have you?

and fwiw, Butter is WAY short...there is even a 5yo at The Diva's school that is an inch taller than her, hahaha! But, at the same time, she's never been picked on or bullied and actually prefers hanging with older kids...

bullying is never tolerable, in my book and that shouldn't matter whom you are eating lunch with

The G/T class isn't enrichment... it's the replacement for the regular math and language arts she'd be doing in the 1st-grade classroom. She does math and LA at an advanced level in the G/T class, but then she's supposed to rejoin her homeroom for the rest of the day.

Her first grade class now does math and LA during DD's G/T hours, though that wasn't the case early in the year. DD's G/T minutes were increased at the same time her 1st grade class' lunch time was moved up. DD is in a G/T class for 1st-3rd grades, and it ends just in time for 2nd-3rd to take lunch. DD is the only 1st grader in G/T, so she's the only one impacted.

DD's not being asked to go to lunch with older kids or lose G/T entirely... she'd only have to give up the extra 40 minutes. That's still not cool.

I used to be warned (including from my mother) and worried myself about the older kid thing, but there are kids in my DD's class and grade that swear, watch R rated movies are exposed to stuff I wouldn't let her be exposed to so I've gotten disillusioned with that idea. She notices and talks about everything, so I have to deal with it anyway, talking through things etc...so why not let her experience a more comfortable intellectual fit while we're doing it? I've grown into this opinion over the last year.

Depending on what your dd wants to do, I would go ahead have her eat lunch with the older kids and then revisit the grade skip issue with the school. If she's doing well at lunch, then they've totally lost any credibility for the "social difficulties" argument against it. And by their own doing.

Something like, "Well, I know your concern with the grade skip was the challenges it might create for her socially, so this lunch switch has been a great way to test that out. Now we know she will do fine, so let's get that grade skip going!"

Or maybe she does have a hard time, and then you will know that too and can respond accordingly. I would suspect, however, that if she is already doing GT with the older kids, she wouldn't have too much trouble.

I'm wondering about that as well. I'd try and persuade DD to give it a try and then you'll see. Flexibility is the name of the game!

Best Wishes,
Grinity