Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Your perception of other same age kids?

This is kind of a silly question, but I'm just wondering...

When your child was small, did you notice anything different about the other kids?

Ever since DD was little DH and I can't help but notice and remark (to one another afterward, of course) that the other kids DD's age seem to be almost... sleepy? Like they have a glazed over look in their eyes. DH said today that the kids at our storytime group (all DD's age - 14-20ish months and walking) looked slow, including a much older child.

This is a terrible thing to even think and I don't really think those children were slow, but I'm wondering if that ever happened to any of you.

I told DH... you know, maybe the other parents look at our daughter and think she has a dazed look on her face, too. We just think she is alert and there because we are used to her. Maybe no one else notices DD's alertness and thinks their child is the most aware one there...

Thoughts?

I don't know if I paid much attention to the level of alertness of other babies or toddlers when dds were young, but I do know that other people did notice at least dd13's unusual alertness when she was a baby so I suspect that it isn't just that all parents think that their babies are more alert than typical. I had people commenting regularly to me when dd13 was very little about how alert she was.

The other thing that sticks in my mind was from when she was about 6 months old. I was a single mom at the time and in grad school and exhausted by the fact that dd never slept and cried so much. I finally gave in to trying the "cry it out approach," which was a terrible failure with dd b/c she screamed all night for 2-3 days straight at which point I gave up.

I recall at the end of this awful attempt taking her to somewhere like Target. She was in her baby carrier in the shopping cart and the lady in line behind me made a comment about what a cute little sleepy looking baby she was. I had never had anyone describe her as looking sleepy in her life. Her eyes were always wide open and she was clearly paying attention to everything around her. The comment, honestly, made me worry b/c that wasn't my baby. I leaned in to kiss her and dd turned her face away from me with a look that totally looked like she was snubbing me. That was the end of my attempts to get her to "self soothe."

When DD was in a dance class or gymnastics at age 3, the other kids looked ADHD by comparison. She was in the place she needed to be, paying attention, asking questions, etc., and in between the teachers were herding cats with the rest.

Awww! DH and I have already agreed "cry it out" would never ever work with our kid, either. She'll cry it out until she either passes out (while hyperventilating and from sheer exhaustion) or you come get her... I know from our carseat experiences.

Our in-laws called DD "the owl" as a newborn and it was a very accurate nickname. We got comments about her being alert, a lot, too. Lots of people asked how old she was and usually guessed about double whatever her age was. So maybe we aren't imagining things... but I don't know. Now that we are out of the sleepy baby stage, I don't get why the toddlers still appear sleepy to us. Which is why I'm wondering if we are just biased.

This was our experience with ds12, and we had other people commenting on it.

I had to laugh along with Cricket's Target moment - our ds never slept. Ever. Or at least it seemed like he never slept!

polarbear

So most kids go from sleepy and slow moving to something else entirely? I fully expected other toddlers to be running around and looking like they were thinking about something, but at under 2 years they aren't. We are going to check out the story time that goes up to age 3 next time since DD was following the older girl around trying to get her to interact with her.

At my daughter's first birthday, a friend (without kids of his own) remarked that she had a look about her like he could teach her something. He's no closer to me than to many of the other parents at the party, so I don't think he was being biased.

Another friend used the term "expressive" to describe her many faces when she was just a few months old.

When kids in that age range have visited, I've often wondered when they were going to stop putting everything in their mouths. Both of my kids started bringing their discoveries to an adult at an early age, rather than putting them in their mouths.

As for the self-soothing...

We decided to let DD do the cry-it-out method at around 4-5 months, in an attempt to help her sleep through the night. It was right about the time where she would cry in the night, we'd come to her, and find that what she wanted was to play, so we were trying to teach her that bedtime was for sleeping.

DD would scream, someone would come in, check to see that she's not injured/hungry/cold/wet/etc in a very no-nonsense way, then give her a kiss and say good night again. She'd continue screaming, and eventually we'd pop in for the same drill... nothing wrong, okay, good night then. And if there was an issue, then again we'd address the issue in a very no-nonsense way... no playing or chatting, just resolve the situation and put her back to bed. The message was twofold: we hear you, and we'll take care of you, but now is not the time to play.

This made for a couple of weeks' worth of VERY long nights, but the peace it won for us afterwards was worth every minute and more. It transformed the entire household. Everyone was better rested, felt more positive, and enjoyed each other more.

Not to sidetrack too much, but FWIW my dd wasn't wanting to play in the middle of the night. She was crying inconsolably. Even when we co-slept, which we did until she was 18-22 months, she woke up every 30 mins crying. I spent much of her first two years nursing her, carrying her around at night trying to get her to stop screaming in my ear, etc.

Letting her cry alone in a crib led to the same kind of crying coupled with panic literally from the time I put her in the crib until the sun came up. Going in to check on her did nothing to calm her down. She just got more hysterical that I wasn't holding and comforting her.

I was exhausted for much of her baby and toddler-hood but, in hindsight, I don't regret it at all. I think that she had very high attachment needs and am glad that I was able to be there for her. We have a very strong relationship now.

DS was very alert as a baby. At 7 months we travelled to Italyand he would be beside himself with excitement every time he saw a clock (every 2nd street) among other things. Clock was his second word after mum the next month. We often commented how other babies looked more like, well babies. DS didn't seem to a baby for very long! He didn't put anything in his mouth either, except for food.
Now in a gymnastics class with most children 1-2 years older he is the only one who listens and does exactly what is demonstrated.