Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school What strangers say?

People often say thoughtless things because they're either clueless, or well, thoughtless. It was years later that I heard that other Kinder parents were talking about the clothes ds wore to class. They thought we were pretentious and how ridiculous it was that he "dressed up."

Dressed up meant jeans and a polo shirt. He wore a polo every day until he was in third grade because the kid's head was so big we literally couldn't get his t-shirt over it. And any shirt that would fit his head was 2 sizes too big.

Ds (now12) has a September birthday and due to a severe speech disability we didn't push early entry. This made him older than his peers. He's also 105% in height and weight for his age. Add in his sensitivity issues and it was hell getting him dressed.

A friend heard this snark and let these parents know how cruel their comments were. I didn't give a rip, but really. Some people just don't get it.

We're on the opposite end of this one. DD7 has always taken a great interest in fashion (picked out her own outfits since 3mos) and insists on having her hair done nicely each morning, switching up the styles from time to time. Her school does uniforms, so shoes and hair are pretty much the only ways to stand out.

Yet when we take DD to school, we see a parade of little girls who look like they didn't even get a brush through their hair that morning, prompting DW to joke that those kids don't have moms.

The most hurtful so far [to me, not my 3 year old because he didn't understand] has been a neighbor who actually adores my son and loves spending time with him said "you are one of those savants aren't you? Without the idiot part." Wow. If I wasn't within hearing distance, would she even have said that? Another neighbor said "so what are his favorite channels? Discovery, Science channel?" When I told them the same TV programs their kids watch, they were like "yeah, right". And, the worst part is, I have never ever mentioned any of his achievements or milestones to them. They only know because my son loves to write all his words and sentences with sidewalk chalk all over the driveway. He loves doing that and I let him. I am now beginning to wonder if that is a good idea. Strange thing is, the kids of these neighbors don't care. They accept my son the way he is. They make deals like this 4 year old who told my son "okay, you can write all your words till z and then we can play with the sand table okay?" I love their innocent worlds.

A bit beside the point, but on the subject of Einstein... A famous anecdote about Einstein is that he was told his baby sister Maja would be like a new toy, and when he first saw her he's quoted as saying, "Yes, but where does it have its small wheels?". One can just look at their birth dates, he would have been 2 years 8 months at her birth. The two two statements (the anecdote and the bit about his talking at 4) appear in the same articles, but they can't both be true.

Polly

When someone says something about my DD being smart we usually just reply with "We think so" and smile with the tone of yeah, she's our kid and we love her and we think anything she does is great. I never try to downplay her intelligence, but I am also careful in what I say, especially to someone we know.

I learned how careful I needed to be in her play group when she was under a year. The other parents would talk about the cute, funny thing their kid did or what milestone they had just met. I would do the same, but got dirty looks or ignored, no one enjoyed hearing about my kid. It really hurt my feelings and I was never invited to the other activities they would do. Then I realized that she was doing a lot of things at the same time as the others, but she was 3 months younger. I honestly wasn't trying to brag, I just didn't see the big deal at first. Oops. I still blame it on that fuzzy new mom brain.

Out of the mouths of babes...

DH was visiting our son's preschool classroom for Donuts with Dads. As DS headed over to the classroom library, one of his classmates informed my husband: "He reads...real words."

@Kathie_K good one! that's awesome.

Now that DD is 4, we don't get as many stranger comments. I guess the most frustrating comments have come from those closest to her educationally...her teachers. When I got a note home last school year that read "DD knows the first letter of her name" I totally came unglued. She had know this for nearly 2 years by that point. When I called a conference and brought lists from my blog that showed what all she has know and for how long, they were shocked. The head of school came to the second conference. When I told her one of DD's interests was learning digraphs, she told me flat out that she didn't believe me. When I mentioned DD loves princesses, I was told "Now there is something we can do in preschool." Now, a year later, we are finally pulling her from school and crossing our fingers for the gifted school in our area for next year.

This hadn't happened to me in a while, but is coming up again now that DS is sounding out words wherever he goes and lecturing everyone he meets on the ocean. It has always been an interesting exercise in tact and social skills for me. I need to rehearse my standard rejoinders.