Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Defensive Grade-Skippers?

While we're on the topic of feeling defensive about our educational choices, I have to admit that sometimes I feel defensive about DS having skipped to first grade.

Here's an example:

When DS was still in K, I was chatting with another mom who was going on about how far ahead her daughter was in K and how bored she was and how the curriculum was watered down. DS' grade skip was in the works, but not finalized and I hadn't mentioned it to anyone there, but I asked her if she had ever considered having her daughter skip a grade. She gave me a shocked look and said, "No! I would never do that to her!" I asked her what she meant by that and she said it would be "social suicide" to skip a grade.

I have also had professional educators tell me that my son would be in trouble by 3rd grade because he will have "missed phonics".

Now I have already thought about social issues and possible gaps in DS' education and I think that in his case it will not be a problem but still, when people confront me with these things, I feel like I have to go over it all again in my head and make sure I've made the best choice. It's hard to have people questioning your decision all the time!

Cathy

Yes. I do a lot of listening and don't argue. It doesn't do any good anyway. Still, it bugs me. Then, when I see some debate on the issue online, all those arguments I've been holding in come out!

That missed phonics thing is a great one. Where does that come from?

I had to think for a minute yesterday because somewhere I read kids shouldn't read small font for any length of time text until after age 8. I actually think it was on a GT homeschooling newsgroup. I momentarily wondered if DS7 was going to be scarred for life, because he regularly reads 1-2 hours a day out of long chapter books. Of course, if it were hurting him or difficult for him, would he being doing it? He is not known for his amazing work ethic.

And I think Dottie's point about really listening why people make the choices they do is a really good one. I have always tried to understand things from the other person's perspective. I think this is very difficult for some people to do. Most parents want what's best for their children, and if they make some really unorthodox decision, it is probably after much soul searching.

Ah. My approach is more, "Thank you for you input." Then I just continue doing whatever I want to do I'm not good with verbal sparring. It happens too fast for me. I would rather go away and think about what was said and respond in writing if a response is necessary.

I know what you mean! I often question myself when I come across factoids like that. Do most parents do this? Does it mean I'm some kind of hyper parent?

Ha! Well, if so, I'm right there with you!

I'm also not great at verbal sparring. I'm usually so surprised by it, that I have to collect my thoughts so I'm not overtaken with my rampant emotionalism. "Thank you for your input" has come in handy many times!

Actually it works pretty well. Sometimes, the person even seems to realize that she's put her foot in her mouth...and starts backpedalling.

When you're involved in advocacy, it's always tempting to use these opportunities to educate. Unfortunately, opinionated people are rarely open to being educated.

When I am dealing with our principal the scenario usually goes like this:

1. I make a request and give my reasons for it.
2. She has reasons not to give me what I am requesting.
3. I listen to her reasons politely and go away.
4. A few days later, I return and say, "I thought about what you said last week. I understand that you are saying XYZ but..." I shared "A Nation Deceived" with her this way and also DS' IQ and achievement scores.
5. I leave the information with her.
6. She eventually comes around to giving me what I asked for.

Maybe I just wear her down... I have quoted board policy, given her legal documents, scholarly papers, letters from doctors and psychologists, etc.

By the way, it has taken me three years to learn how to deal with her in a civilized manner. Our first encounter was not pretty!

Having to advocate for your children over a medical issue is a trial by fire, Dottie. I have been very close to bailing out of the school system many times. Even though we are still in PS at the moment, I have a lot of sympathy for homeschoolers.

...And I have a lot of sympathy for grade-skippers!

To tell you the truth, we picked HSing over grade-skipping in part because it seemed easier on all of us. None of that messy "you think you're so smart" nonsense for DS to deal with. No more advocacy issues for me to have to handle (badly!). etc.

Sometimes I feel like a coward, taking the easy way out. I think you all have the really hard row to hoe!

I am going to my mirror now to repeat 100 times, "I appreciate your input" without gritted teeth. It's a good skill to learn, and one I need to master!