Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School Principal seemed hostile :-(

TwinkleToes: Been there, done that.

Last year we enrolled my daughter in kindergarten, and the school figured out pretty quickly that she was gifted. The school has a gifted program, but it's not available for kindergarteners, unless they test in the 99th percentile on an IQ test. She tested in the 98th. We said, "That's fine... put her in first grade." And that's when the attitudes started.

We heard all the bad arguments. Anecdotal evidence: every educator involved knew some kid who had been skipped and was miserable. Argument from ignorance: "what about gaps?" This one was particularly bad, because in the pre-screening exams for the gifted program, she'd scored in the 99th percentile for achievement in math and language arts... and these were the achievement tests for 1st graders, because they didn't have one for kindergarten, so this test said, "No gaps." We heard about all the socialization concerns, which we discarded, because she's big for her age and already likes to play with older kids, and fits in just fine. Her best friend in the neighborhood is two years older, and the one kid she'd befriended in gymnastics was the 11-year old. We heard about kids leveling, which to us just means they don't teach my kid anything for two years until everyone else catches up, which is NOT an acceptable answer. She deserves an education, too.

We came into it with the notion that we were all adults, and we all had the same goal, which was to provide my daughter with a satisfactory educational experience relevant to her abilities. So while they refused to entertain the idea of skipping, we entertained their ideas, and tried them all out. She could take language arts in the first grade class. She could go to a pull-out a few hours a week with the gifted teacher. The regular teacher would give her advanced work. And she was granted library privileges before the rest of her kindergarten class, and even allowed to check out first-grade books.

And the results were less than desirable. The regular teacher would give my kid an activity on the computer while she led the rest of the class on a group activity, effectively creating a tension between my kid's desire to learn versus her desire to be a part of the group. The first-grade LA lessons were off-and-on, because of occasional scheduling conflicts. And the few hours of pull-out just weren't enough.

So, as we watched our daughter's attitude towards school and learning deteriorate, we raised our concerns, only to see the administrators become more closed-minded. It seemed that in meetings they were trying to find any fault they could with our daughter, with unrealistic expectations of maturity. "Sometimes when I give her harder work, she says it's too hard." Well, why? Because you're making her choose between the work and having friends? Because she hasn't developed a strong work ethic yet? If so, isn't that correctable?

Once the school administrators started ignoring us when we walked in to pick up our daughter, it was apparent that we all did NOT have the same goal, and that for some reason they had decided to take a conversation about what's best for our daughter and turn it into something personal about them. At that point, we had no alternative but to get her out of that poisoned environment.

We started homeschooling, and it was an uphill battle for the first few weeks to get her to feel good about being smart and excited about learning again. And we encountered that attitude of not wanting to work, and sure enough, that was corrected in pretty short order.

Now she's in first grade, so she's eligible for that gifted program. And as luck would have it, we started out the year in a new school, because they'd just built one and drew the new boundary to include our neighborhood. So at least we're starting fresh from an attitude perspective.

And yet... there are still issues. She goes to the gifted program for about 90 minutes a day for math and language arts, but there are scheduling conflicts with her regular class where she often ends up sitting through their math and/or language arts, too, and she missed PE or art. She decided she wanted bigger books from the library so she could read when she's bored in the regular class, but now we're being told they won't let her. It's a better situation (she LOVES the gifted class), but it's still far from ideal.

So... now that you know you're not alone, how do you deal with the principal with the attitude issue? Well, here are some suggestions:

1) Bring ammunition. Insist the school pre-screen your daughter for the gifted program, so there's incontrovertible evidence of where she stands. Bring literature that pokes holes into some of his bad arguments (I wish we'd done this).

2) Go over his head. If the principal won't listen to reason, maybe his superintendent will.

3) Run. See what other options there are for schools, or possibly homeschooling.

Everyone always forgets:

4) Become the superintendent.

Although I must say that I found having my father as the superintendent to be somewhat annoying. Plus, we had to move into the district. So that's another downside. I liked my old school better.

On the plus side, you, as the student, know that the teachers and principal are ultimately answerable to your father.

This essentially puts the teachers in a position where they recognize that you (the student) have a de facto higher pay grade than they do and they ultimately must accomidate you.

However, this requires years of extensive schooling and years working within the school system. So, it's a 20 year process, which turns some people off of my approach because your kid will be out of school by the time you get there.

JonLaw is right, having a high level school administrator/gifted specialist in the family is VERY helpful! My mom has been SO much help I couldn't do this without her!

we've considered the "that's-it-we'll-open-our-own-gifted-school" route but, as you said, by the time it gets going my kids will be out of school! lol

Wow, I got all those same comments from my school's principal, it's like they went to the same principal training or something. Why do they all use the same inane comments?

Last year, I found my principal to be utterly UNhelpful, but the teachers were more helpful with 2 K teachers bluntly saying that my child would be bored in K. Fortunately I went through the district's Early Access (4y for K, 5y for 1st) program and my DD6 skipped K (that decision was out of the control of the principal). Not an easy decision for us parents but in terms of academics it was clear that would be for the best. And so far she loves school and is in 2nd G this year. I should clarify and say the Early Access program application for us started in the March before she would have been in K.

At this point, as uncomfortable as it feels, you should think about what ammunition you need to have her skip a grade, and probably do it sooner than later (or really hightail it out of there to another school maybe, although then it's the devil you know vs the devil you don't). I have a friend whose DS suffered through K bored out of his mind, and 1st G this year is no better and my friend is going crazy with trying to get any more challenging work given to him - although in all honesty I think if she hadn't redshirted him it would've been easier for everyone.

I hope you find a friend who you can talk to openly about this because it really would help. My school district's TAG office held "Parents of Gifted Students" type meetings for people to share experiences. It helps validate your feelings since others are most likely also going through the same kind of stuff. Maybe your district has something similar.

Good luck to you!

I said to my ds's school principal, "I know everyone thinks their kid is smart, but mine actually is."

I can't tell how intelligent my kids actually are. At some point, I'll need to figure this out, but I honestly can't tell.

I figure that it will be somewhere in the lower 99%, but I guess I could be wrong.

At some point, I'll need to get DD9 tested, I suppose, to see if she's gifted.