Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School Principal seemed hostile :-(

I just need to get this off my chest and am wondering if anyone else is going through something similar or has any advice etc.

My DD5 is in public K and is behaving much better than I expected (she is very intense and energetic). She is actually a model student, but then comes home and tells me that she wants things at her level and is frustrated with sitting there learning letter sounds and having sight words like "I" and "am."

I had already met with the teacher and she was trying to give my DD more, but it just isn't right. Oh, my DDs handwriting is very, very good, she has mature attention, and is socially doing very well. First grade curriculum, while still being too easy, wouldn't be a problem due to any fine motor issues. The school had been shown an evaluation that shows achievment well above the 99th percentile,and a tester who strongly said she was gifted.

After listening to my daughter saying she doesn't want to go to school etc., and seeing her bring home work that consists of her making dots (and drawing is one of her strongest skills), counting to three and circling the letter A, I decided to have a conversation with the principal. He seemed very hostile, and said all the cliches: they all even out, they never, ever accelerate, once she gets to second grade, she may falter (she is doing things well beyond second when she was in pre-k so I doubt it), the class has a bunch of kids similar, etc. We do live in a community known for higher academic performance and I truly want there to be similar kids in her class. If there are, then they need to try even harder to find approprite things for them. He finally consented to having the gifted coordinator who starts in second grade come in and observe my DD and spoke with her and my DD's teacher yesterday. Now I feel guilty and like a troublemaker, but at least the gifted teacher may give the K teacher some ideas.

I just need support here because I feel all alone in this. I don't talk with my friends who are parents in the school about this very often, because I am afraid of alienating anyone. Sometimes I mention things and feel someone else get uncomfortable, so have learned to keep things quiet.

Oh, the principal said he had a child who was reading as he entered into K but leveled off in second so now he assumes that every "high achieving" kid in K is like his son. I almost felt he resented the idea that she may not level off...UGH

Sympathy - I've been fortunate in not having such experiences (at least not with educators!) myself, but they seem very common. I think you could hope that once the principal has met your DD himself, or at least talked to people he trusts who have, his attitude may be very different. I have read teachers saying that it really is true that vast numbers of parents with averageish kids think their child is gifted, so it's natural that they get jaded and don't believe it. (I know, the testing and the letter should have been enough, but maybe he's not good with statistics...) Good teachers and principals, though, will be prepared to recognise the truly exceptional children! Good luck.

Sounds like jealousy. I would try to deal with it from that angle.

Twinkletoes: We have been in the same situation. The principal said the same words to us: our school is filled with kids like your son, we never accelerate, your son needs to be with his age-mates. BUT, finally this year in 3rd grade, the principal acknowledged that DS's academic abilities are far greater than most other gifted kids in the school. I was shocked because it seemed to come out of the blue. I hope you do not have to wait til 3rd grade for a similar acknowledgement.

Hopefully, having the gifted coordinator come in to observe and give opinions and recommendations to the teacher and principal will help your daughter. For us, the school is a gifted school, so of course everyone in the entire school is a gifted expert...how could a parent have information even CLOSE to what they all know?

Don't feel guilty, you are your daughter's advocate. You did the right thing!

Wow, what a GREAT thing to say. I so wish I had thought of that in our situation. Next time it comes up, I'm going to try that strategy. Thanks so much for sharing that MoN!!

ColinsMum, I actually didn't realize that parents of average children truly think they have gifted kids. I've had testing and professionals insisting my child is gifted and yet I still have gifted denial and am embarassed just about anywhere but here to claim she is gifted so it is hard to imagine that with much less to go on, parents can be convinces their little Johnny / Jane is a genius...

We have had good luck with using DD's mental health and self-esteem as the focus of all discussions regarding acceleration/accomodations. She was completely shut down in terms of learning in the classroom, her self-esteem was in the toilet and her anxiety is a problem. Giving that as a focus seems to make everyone more comfortable and somehow her 'giftedness' becomes the side issue and we seem like reasonable, sane parents. In the end, they are bending over backwards to engage her and let her shine in attempts to boister her self-esteem... and this address much-needed acceleration at the same time. And now that they have seen how she can 'shine' they are beginning to see how important it is to not let her fade into the background.

I'm not sure how far this approach will get us in the long run, but it has done a lot for establishing relationships with her teacher and principal. I think this is an important first step.

TwinkleToes, I have found that knowledge is power in these situations. You need to arm yourself with as much data as you possible can and know the law in regards to appropriate education for your state. Our principal actually admitted that in the beginning, she and the teachers were scared of me because I knew so much more about the subject of giftedness (and in my case, twice-exceptionality) than any of them did. I actually prepared an entire binder of information on my son's testing data and relevant literature as to the best way to educate him, then made copies of each binder and distributed them at our first 504 meeting. It may have been intimidating, but it got the job done.

Huh. 45% of the student body at my kids' school is staffed as "gifted." It's like a status symbol in our community of doctors/lawyers/indian chiefs. Everyone thinks their kid is a genius. So the kids who really NEED gifted services have to sit
in the classroom, bored to tears, while the "gifted" class catches up on 3+5 and "the cat sat on the mat."

As to your principal, Twinkletoes, you might say, "Yes, perhaps she'll level off in a couple of years, but for now she's bored out of her mind, so couldn't we do something for her now, and worry about leveling off when and if she gets to that point?" In my opinion, it's not fair to make a kid sit for five hours a day doing boring work that's way too easy -- what a waste of time and resources.

Seeing is believing.

Mr W sells himself.

I'd have your DD meet the principal.