Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Now What?

Well, I am a "newbie" to all of this. I went to my pediatrican for my son's, Marshall, check up and was explaining some very real concerns my husband and I are having.

Marshall has been making up songs since he was one and half, been talking since 9 months, remembers things, even now, from when he was 18 months, memorizes books we read to him after one time, knows how engines work and pistons, knows more about trains than a typical train engineer, can add and subtract, was talking about war concepts with us in the car, directs peers, very compassionate. These are all very good, unexpected, things he has been showing since birth.

However, I was talking to his doctor about "problems" we are having at preschool. Getting intense with friends, not listening, nonstop talking, won't participate, won't do his work, etc. His pediatrican wants us to have him tested. He will be four in April, and if we weren't having behavioral problems (I am at my wits end at home, however thinking he is gifted has given me some additional patience). I thought he wouldn't put his shoes on, get dressed, or every day things because he was being defiant. However, in researching this, I have read that some gifted kids CAN'T do simple task, or it takes them longer. I see this in Marshall. His mind is going 100 mph that he can't slow down. He is right now in the dining room asking me to teach him chess! I am not sure I am ready for this...I was prepared for shapes and colors!

Anyway, not sure what is in store for us with school, life and social settings. Any words of wisdom as we are probably going to have to redirect our visions of soccer games to other fun events. Fortunately, we have always said that we wouldn't push our kids into anything that wasn't for them. But, he is so advanced, I don't know what to do next. He is also the size of a normal two year old, and that has me somewhat concerned. Size isn't a big deal, but if you are so small and advanced, can you be ostrisized from normal kids? Well we have to go to the library, as we have exhausted our current stack of kids documentaries in the last five days and have to get new ones. Fortunately, he is still a kid and Scooby Doo has an appeal as well. Any suggestions on good chapter books, as that has his interest right now? He'll let us read to him for hours, but mom and dad can't read about planets and trains for that long!
Any advice would be very welcome!

Hi Mary Beth,
Any local gifted groups in Fort Wayne? I'd also get to know the local homeschooling support groups even if you don't homeschool, as the moms you meet there will have the inside scoop on the kinds of materials your son will enjoy.

If preschool isn't working, it's ok not to do it. Can you find adopt a "Grandparent" locally who will play chess and listen about dinosaurs? (I never could, but who knows?)

If you can pose a more specific question, I'll be happy to post back.

Let's talk about the testing. Have you asked the person who you have scheduled to do the testing how often they test children who score in the top 1%? If it's not weekly, cancel the test.

Look into the Talent Search Centers, you don't want to waste your energy worring over a test that is wrong for your kid.

Have you found HogiesPage?

I'm cheering for you -

Well, I'll call them this week and ask them. They are covered by our insurance and it is a child psychologist/neurologist..which sounds interesting. I think, after doing research and reading, I am going to request the Stanford Binet test. However, we have a consultation with the doctor in May, before we do the testing. They say they do this to get a feel for the child and understand what test would be right for him. I did appreciate that!

Ok, I am really confused about this talent search center thing. What is it? I stumbled onto this website through a search engine...trying to do as much research as possible and almost cried to find a chat room full of parents who are going through the same thing. None of my friends understand, and think I am just bragging about Marshall. Anyway, don't exactly understand the Davidson thing and what is out there. This has all happened within the last two weeks. I guess I've known deep down all along, but thought I would be the "proud" parent if I suggested such an idea. My mom is the first one who suggested it, after having Marshall stay with her for three days.

Anyway, what is hogiespage? I'll look in the chats to see if I can find it there.

Well, Jeff, my husband is going to teach him Chess today. I would have done it myself, but forgot the moves of each piece, as I've only played two or three times. We are planning a "train vacation" to feed some of his interests, but I can't seem to satisfy him enough. I took him to a World War Two museum here....don't worry, it's a museum full of the truck and tanks they used in the war. His comment was "mommy, these trucks are too old! Where are the new ones!" Ah, well. At least we saw the bat mobile.

As far as our options go in Fort Wayne, not really sure what's out there, except a college prep school that costs over 8,000/year! A little out of our budget. We have a wonderful monisory program through 8th grade, which we are hoping for. Not sure if that will be enough....

Hi Mary Beth -

I put some links to Hoagies and other pages in response to the other thread you started. I didn't see this thread until afterward.

Maria
(Mizzou_Mommy)

Mary Beth,
Your son sounds so much like mine - although my son is now 8. By the time he started Kindergarten,he had read the 1st 3 Harry Potter Books and had mastered multipication and division and had moved on to mixed fractions. He was self-taught, I provided him workbooks and he did all the work.
Some of the things that helped us were - a second language (we paid for a private tutor) and piano lessons (which he excels in). These were 2 things that he didn't know and challenged him to a degree. We also live close to CMU and he participates in their C-Mites program for Gifted Children ( he loves this b/c he is with kids like him). We are also doing Distance Education through Johns Hopkins CTY program.
In school, he is Math Accelerated and works on special projects with his Gifted Resource teacher. We have a pull-out program for Gifted(not my favorite choice_) but he is with the resource teacher 3-4 times/week. Because he isn't challenged to his potential at school, we use outside resources to challenge him. He is very well liked by his peers (something we were concerned about, since he tends to speak well beyond his years)and has made great social strides since Kindergarten. You sound like you are doing all the right things as a parent.
It is very challenging having a Gifted child, but so rewarding at the same time. The Hoagie's Gifted Education website was a great resource to me as well. Good luck - any question feel free to contact me. Thanks

Hi Mary Beth,

I totally agree with Trinity on finding out if the person doing the test has experience with gifted kids! I wish I would have asked more questions prior to the testing. And I second the hoagies site. You will finds L O T S of good info...........Welcome to the club

Thank you all so much. Your generosity is overwhelming. I am overwhelmed with everything. I plan on spending some time on the Hoagies site today and calling the neurologist's office today and asking some more questions. I'll let you know how it goes.

There are moments when I think I have lost my mind, that I am over exaggerating and this is all in my head. For example, yesterday, I was doing a puzzle with him and he was a little confused when doing it. But then, in the bath tub, he was talking the whole time about the temperature of the water and about water vapor (we had just watched a movie about weather and the water cycle). And at bedtime, we were doing a Usborne (I love those books!) puzzle book and he whizzed right through it. I am trying hard to keep perspective and I definately don't want to push perfection. He IS only three, but talks all day long like a twelve year old, so sometimes it is hard for me to remember how little he really is.

Thought you all would enjoy a laugh. Here are a couple of quotes from last week...I've started writing them down.

"Mommy, daddy came in my room and turned off my light last night (night light). He is so foolish!"

"Don't call me sweetheart! I'm just not a piece of candy!"

"Absolutely not! That is disgusting!"

You all have a great day, and thanks again for your help. Funny thing, my 9 month old already has words and was turning the pages of a book yesterday. He talks all day long too, trying to catch up with his brother! Between the two to them, I don't think I'll ever get in a word!

Well, I have had quite a whirlwind these last couple of weeks. More and more is emerging from Marshall. He has talked about light refraction, explained it to me as if "duh". Whizzed through a first grade computer program and exhausted all my resources for activities. "Determined" that different things were ok now. Stated that he couldn't, nor would he try, using a crayon or pencil because he might mess up the picture or not do it right. I have been focusing on just letting him be three, with playing, more than ever before, but part of that is just that I don't know what to do next. My husband and I are going to United Artist, a store for educational materials, and we are going to look for more advanced activities.

Tonight, I am a little stressed, as he had a very traumatizing tantrum at my parents house. He had an over stimulating day and was extremely tired. He wanted to watch King Kong, and as I didn't think that was in any way appropriate for a three year old, I told him no. He completely lost it and was shaking uncontrollably. I sometimes think, there is no way I can do this!

On a lighter note, I pushed him up a class in Sunday school, and he came running out afterward saying, "That was fun!" This is the first time he has really fully enjoyed himself. The teachers said he did great. A first really good report we've gotten from ANY teacher in a while. Also, his preschool teacher is looking into hoagiesgifted.org and we are going to brainstorm together on how we can make the end of the year more of a success for him.

So it was a good couple of weeks, with a few tantrums. But again, he is only three. He'll be four next week....praise GOD! This is one birthday I won't be crying over.

With my son, we didn't originate anything overtly educational. Instead, we just reacted to his questions and promptings. It worked well for us.

Magic Treehouse books are good reading. We started reading those when my DD was 3. No trauma and lots of enjoyment. We have also done Boxcar Children. Not thrilling, but enjoyable. I also bought a book that was a collection of excerpts from classics such as Pippi Longstocking and others. Often we found ourselves interested enough to go buy the full book so that we could read the rest of it.

Pushing up a class is great - but the wonder will wear off after a while. Be aware that it is coming.

3 is about the age that we got away with the 'no tantrums' sign at home. Things that are written down have a wonderful power. As the rule was written on a sign and hung in a prominent location in the living room, it worked great for several months. 'What does the sign say?' 'No fits.' Head hung in dejection.... crushed at being robbed of the right to throw a tantrum.... but tantrum over.

Is he on a multivitamin? What about an Omega 3 supplement? Lots of kids do well on these. Omega worked like a miracle on my son to help calm things down a bit. Weird, but I have heard it from other parents as well.

Good luck.... when is the testing?

The testing isn't for another month, hopefully I can hang in there. I chatted with his pediatrican today, as my youngest had another ear infection, and I asked her about some breathing "deep sighs" that I noticed Marshall doing quite frequently. She thinks it is something that he thinks he has to do when doing something quiet. So, we discussed that we could be looking at some obsessions that he has developed.

I never thought about an omega three vitamin...we'll give it a try. Any other natural supplements you'd recommend...not big on the idea of medication.

Thanks for the advice, we'll go get some today and see how it works! Maybe we'll try the sign too.

Mary Beth

Golly Mary -
I remember those days! At 3 my son seemed as "unsocialized" as my cousin's 18 month old! I could finally feel like I had someone who could behave in public at age 5. I read "The Phantom Tollboth" and "Ozma of Oz" to him at this age, and didn't think it was odd that he sat, listened and followed the story beautifully, for hours at a time if I would let him. DS9 had a tantrum while we tried to watch the movie "Fly Away Home." He paniced whenever the Father got into that little airplane. (We had fast-forwarded through the bad set-up in the other room.)

Oh yes - age 3 is when I told the daycare people that if they had a full time slot, please sign me up. Up until then I had fought to limit work to part time and spent every possible moment with him. I just faced that he had a lot more energy than I did!

Writing this I have to wonder if he's any less mysterious on the inside now than he was then - we're all just so used to it! Plus I think that the mysterious inside just shows less than before.

I'm not sure if I have a point, just to enjoy the moments - take as much care of your self and your adult relationships as you can, and try to gather a core of supportive adults and teens who can take some of the intensity off you. Good luck with the testing!

Trinity

Mary:

I can't thank you enough for the Omega 3 suggestion. It has worked wonders. The school said that Tuesday was his best day ever, and over spring break, Marshall asked to color for the first time in his life and sat through some lessons on spelling! Still have some tantrums, but not nearly as much. Thank you a thousand times over! I feel like I can breath again! Hopefully this will be the beginning of the end of the inattentive and crazy behavior he has been showing.

Well, he is finally Four and amazing us every day! We love it!

I'm so glad it worked. I haven't logged in for a while and just saw your post.

The other thing we have found that really makes a huge difference is carrots. Apparently Beta Carotene makes a big difference. My husband does the cooking and found this one by accident when the store ran out of our brand of carrots. 2 weeks with no carrots and we were having problems.... when the carrots came back, no more troubles. Too weird.

We were really against the multivitamin thing until recommended recently by a neuropsych. She said some kids have different needs than others and no matter how healthy our son ate, it was possible that there was something that he simply needed more of. We tried it and it has helped more.

Just realized I only mentioned Omega 3. We actually use a supplement with 3 and 6 in it and found it to be an improvement over 3 alone.

I would really make a big deal over every good day you have. Positive reinforcement is great.

Don't count on this being the complete end to inattentiveness as he is only 4. However, maybe this is the start of a great year.

Mary

Carrots, huh? Well, we'll try it too. I can tell when he hasn't had the Omega 3 supplement. When we run out, we'll look for Omega six. Yes, we are finally having success at school, now that the year is over...go figure. We didn't get into the monissory school, it's a lottery entry, so now we are faced with looking at private monissory schools or sending him back to the school he was at this year. I am not sure what we'll end up doing. We are going to ask his pediatrican and the neuro psych he is seeing next month. Everyone, including his current school, thinks that he is not a traditional schooling student. So we tried to get into the only monissory school within the public school system. So, now that we didn't get into it, we aren't sure what we will do. I can't home school, nor have the patience for it, as I am a real estate agent and just can't do it. The private school costs 350.00/month for half days and over 500/month for full days. They go until age 9. We are thinking this would be a good option, but not sure that we can afford it. I am so disappointed that he didn't get in, but now have to spend the next month or two trying to figure out what we are going to do for next year. Any one have suggestions? I never thought school was this difficult and stressful. I guess I have more of that in the future, huh? Mary Beth

I read somewhere that the hardest ages are 4 through 9. I can't wait for 10.... (BTW - anyone out there with the experience to correct me on this: DON"T I enjoy dreaming.)