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    Joined: May 2009
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    So, I looked back at your prior thread on your dd9 and see that your dd is a 4th grader. When does she turn 10 and is there no possibility of a full grade skip even if you had to change schools to make that happen? My dd13 (just turned!) skipped 5th grade and was starting 6th just before her 10th bd. It worked really beautifully in terms of a better social and academic fit.

    I don't think that a child needs to be at or above the 99th percentile in everything in order to do very well with a skip although it sounds like your dd is pretty much there. When a child gets to that point, it is so much easier to make adjustments for the areas where she is even further ahead if she's full grade accelerated.

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    She turns 10 in April. The school in against any grade skips. In sixth grade a child can test into pre-algebra...and that's that. Other school options? Hmmm...not without moving...but I should look into magnet schools in the area...We just moved here last year...I would hate to have to move her around more...but I guess once it's done and she's happy, it might seem worth it. I just wish there were guarentees...ya know? She just told me that she was using the wide side of the marke to make a thick line while labeling a folder and the teacher asked her if she knew how to hold her pencil. My poor baby.

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    just left a voice mail for the "gifted coordinator at the school. Not sure why I didn't think of this before. I guess because they don't have a gifted program and she hasn't yet been id as "gifted" because they don't do that yet...but IF there is a GC, which there does seem to be, since I just left her a voice mail, then maybe I can request a pull-out for her for LA. She would sill have the teacher for homeroom, but maybe she will still like to read when the year is done if she is pulled out for LA...

    I doubt they will do it, but since there isn't really a program in place yet, maybe they will be willing to work with us on this.

    Is there a particular way to approach the personality problem between the LA teacher and my daughter? Are there things I shouldn't say - like - "I don't think the teacher likes smart kids." Or, "My daughter is scared to anything in her class." I know that pointing out social issues helps the cause...but the only social issue she is having at them moment is with the teacher...knocking her down...and making her feel stupid over and over again.

    She also doesn't have ANY close friends, but she doesn't seem to be THAT bothered by that. She doesn't really click with anyone although they all like her.

    I've been told skipping isn't going to happen, asking to switch teacher almost never happens (besides, her switch teacher for Math is pretty cool. I would hate to see her lose her.)

    But with her high tests scores on the CMT's I might be taken seriously by the GC to help provide services for her...hopefully OUTSIDE the negative classroom. I still can't help feel sorry for the poor kids who are stuck with this woman and MAY me struggling readers...hearing over and over that they need to WORK on reading...

    I told the teacher DD9 was coming from a Montessori background and she said something like..."NO wonder she likes to read! Well, we will fix that!" Something like that..it was more.."No wonder she likes to read, but we can make her understand what she is reading at our school." Mind you, this woman has NEVER seen anything my child has read or wrote and doesn't even know her name that well.

    So, here's to putting all my eggs in the GC's basket...:)


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    This test almost sounds like our California state STAR test. My son got in the "advanced" part on both math and reading. 63% of his classmates did that for math and 45% did it for reading.
    These tests are not designed to differentiate those at the top level. I took it to mean, my son is above grade level, doing well. It doesn't tell me how far he is above grade level just by this.

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    Have you considered part time homeschooling? IF the situation is not looking good in December you could consider doing a trial Homeschool for half a year and see how she likes it.

    My kids did not want to change schools, because of the distance and friends. I made the final decision, saying we would try it for a year. They are much happier in their gifted school.

    Are there any other school around that you could drive her to? Some private schools have finacial aide if that is an issue.

    Have you found a state or area gifted association? They may have ideas for helping her.

    How about applying to Davidson?

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    I guess I was thinking that with her Woodcock Johnson writing score at 99.9% Plus the CMT score of perfect...not only on her narrative promt, but with her editing and revising portion, plus her DIBLES score at like 179...throughout 2nd and 3rd grade when goal was 50-90 wpm. Plus her DRP score of 79 when goal was 40? or 45? I would have a leg to stand on.

    The CMT is just one more test that shows her abilities and it's a test they care about.

    Is this an good social/emotional topic to share?
    DD has been trying to get the teacher to see her as bright as year last year. She would reduce fractions or produce more anwers that were always correct, but marked wrong because the directions didn't say to expand on your answer.

    This would make her sad and frustrated.

    She had to re-read many many books that she had read in second grade, in class at her old school, which was discouraging because she feels like she is not making progress.

    The feels like no matter how hard she works or how well she does, she will not be allowed to advance.

    Toward the end of last year, she began showing her frustration and a little rebelion by doing her assignments as a mirror image.

    She was frustrated in group lessons because everyone wanted to be in her group so they could sit back and let her do all the work and expect her to represent the group perfectly. When she didn't, (even in soccer in gym class) they would 'yell' at her.

    Toward the end of the year she started to get anwers wrong in Math because she stopped reading the directions. This lead the teachers to believe that she was having trouble with the concepts, which led her into a deeper feeling of frustration and relion.

    She feels like no matter how she does in school, she will not be able to move on and has begun to stop bothering to do well.

    Her grades don't matter to her because she doesn't work for them.
    A child will protect a LEGO creation from their friends. They will put it on a shelf...because they made it. They worked hard on it. It is a piece of them. They will leave a store bought toy on the floor to be stepped on.

    This is the same for DD with her work. She doesn't have to work hard on her work and doesn't care what happens to it.

    She has begun going to the bathroom all the time. This is something she does when she is nervous. She does it after she goes to bed and only on school nights.

    She was given advanced homework in Math last year and this worked very well. She was also given it in class several times only it wasn't taught to her. So she hid the reference book in fear that it would be taken away if she didn't already know how to do it. She taught herself and got the paper right. This was an assignment she cared about and checked her grade.

    She hasn't made any close friends and seems to tune out among kids her age. She used to be a leader. She had close friends a year older in her class at her old school and she was a kind, interested and creative leader.

    She is shutting down and I think some work at her level in Reading and maybe Math would go miles to show her that the school is on her side and that the school likes when she goes beyond what is expected of her. I think that she would feel validated as a thinker and her spark might re-ignite!

    Please GC, pull my daughter out of 4th grade LA so she can advance at her readiness level and feel good about herself and her learning style again!

    Maybe I should email that to her...I am better and emails than in person because I get frustrated and off topic.

    I wonder if I should be pushing for further testing instead...I guess if they need it they will let me know. I already asked for testing. They said no last year. But it's another year, another school...(Middle School..yes...4th grade is Middle School here.)

    Thanks for letting me draft my thoughts here. Please feel free to tell me to stop posting! smile It helps so much for me to just write it down...and doing it here is so nice cause I might get some nice advice too!

    Chelsea
    Mother to DD9, and DD6.

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    You have great advice. Thank you.
    Yes the school goes through 8th. There are 120 students in the 4th grade class. Her class is very large compared to other classes. DD6's 1st grade has 80.

    I don't have too much stuff to show. I like to get rid of stuff.
    smile Especially work that you have to read in a mirror. lol.

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    Originally Posted by sydness+Grinity: frankenstien time
    DD has been trying to get the teacher to see her as bright as year last year.notice her ability and give her harder work. She would reduce fractions without being asked to, or produce more anwers that were always correct. But those correct 'above and beyond' answers are being marked wrong because the directions didn't say to expand on your answer.

    This would make her sad and frustrated. When this happens she says: ______________________________________________________ and her face looks ____________ and her body posture looks ____________________________

    She had to re-read many many books that she had read in second grade, in class at her old school, which was discouraging because she feels like she is not making progress. she said:__________________, and her face and posture look ________________________ when she said it.


    When she said: _______________________, I've started to believe that she feels like no matter how hard she works or how well she does, she will not be allowed to get to learn new and interesting things. She sees that the other kids are learning new things, and I think she is jealous, because she said: _______________________.

    Toward the end of last year, she began showing her frustration and a little rebelion by doing her assignments as a mirror image. I asked her why and she said: ___________________. I'm worried that she is developing a rebellious attitude towards school, just because she has such an intense need to be learning during the school day, and is in a classroom where that is the exception, instead of the rule.

    She was frustrated in group lessons because everyone wanted to be in her group so they could sit back and let her do all the work and expect her to represent the group perfectly. When she didn't, (even in soccer in gym class) they would 'yell' at her. She enjoys the attention, but feels resentful and doesn't know how to make the other kids do part of the work. She is worried that they are cheating themselves.

    Toward the end of the year she started to get anwers wrong in Math because she stopped reading the directions. This lead the teachers to believe that she was having trouble with the concepts, which led her into a deeper feeling of frustration and relion.I think is an inaccurate reading of the situation.

    She feels like no matter how she does in school, she will not be able to move on and has begun to stop bothering to do well in school. She said ___________________ and her face and posture were __________________________________ and I am afraid that she feels that she is powerless to get her learning needs met. She has always been the kind of kid that is energized and motivated by learning new things - for example when she was 5, __________________________________________________________

    Her grades don't matter to her because she doesn't work for them.
    A child will protect a LEGO creation from their friends. They will put it on a shelf...because they made it. They worked hard on it. It is a piece of them. They will leave a store bought toy on the floor to be stepped on.

    This is the same for DD with her work. She doesn't have to work hard on her work and doesn't care what happens to it.


    She has begun going to the bathroom all the time. This is something she does when she is nervous. She does it after she goes to bed and only on school nights. (#1 or #2? Did you get it checked? What does the doctor say? Can he write a note?)

    She was given advanced homework in Math last year and this worked very well.
    She said: ________________, and her face and posture were ________________.

    She was also given advance math (worksheets?) in class several times only it wasn't taught to herwithout any teacher interaction, she was just given a reference book. So She hid the reference book in fear that it would be taken away if she didn't already know how to do the advanced Math. She isn't learning the natural process of 'see a challenge, go through a learning process, win over the challenge.' She taughtwas able to teach herself even without the reference book and got the paper right. But she isn't learning how to use resources to help her learn. This was an assignment she cared about and checked her grade.

    She hasn't made any close friends and seems to tune out among kids her age. She used to be a leader. She had close friends a year older in her class at her old school and she was a kind, interested and creative leader.

    She is shutting down and I think some work at her level in Reading and maybe Math would go miles to show her that the school is on her side understands her learning needs, and appreciates her for who she is. I wish that the school would send the message that the school likes when she goes beyond what is expected of her. I think that she would feel validated as a thinker and her spark might re-ignite!

    Please GC, pull my daughter out of 4th grade LA (and Math too?) so she can advance at a comfortable 'learning-challenge' level and feel good about herself and her learning style again!

    I've added some comments and given you a push to keep to 'just the facts, Mam' I think a combination of email plus face to face is best. Perhaps to set up a meeting and email something like this the night before, then read it to her at the meeting so you can see her face, and monitor how the communication is going. Some points may hit her hot buttons, and you should know to avoid them in the future. Some points may hit the positive hot buttons and you need to amp those up. Some parts just might not be in words that make a full enough picture for her, and you need to see her face to know that also. But write it up, print it out and read it. Say - I have a lot of concerns, sorry I didn't come forward earlier, but it's sort of snowballed on me. Do you mind if I read through my list first before we discuss further?

    I think It's fine to ask for testing - Base that on your feelings: for example -"It makes me sad to see my DD slipping away, and I feel like a failure as a parent when I see her rotten attitude towards school. Can you help me get my happy little girl back? Would testing be useful to reveal what in the world is going on?"

    Lots and lots of this is right on target. I bolded the stuff that I think will resonate with the GC, so frame those parts. Remember to cry if it makes you feel like crying - another reason to do this face to face. It makes me feel like crying. Showing vulnerable emotions is one mode of communication that is sure to touch the heart.

    I think this could work. I think that if it doesn't then going through this process might motivate you to find another option, as it sure looks to me like you need one if you possibly can manage it.

    Love and more love,
    Grinity


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    Grinity, you are such a huge help. I will fill in the blanks tomorrow when the girls are at school!

    The bathroom thing started when she was entering kindergarten...she was checked and double checked. It is something that is calle..Polykiuria..(spelling)...diagnosed by the doc....or rather me, then confirmed by the doc, who hase since passed away.

    Research says it only lasts about 6 months, which it did, but then it comes back during times of stress. It bothers her so much. She controls it well and as she gets older, she asks me if I think she really has to go to the bathroom or if it is just that thing. If I tell her that she just went 5 minutes ago, she decides it would be a waste of time to go. But when she was 5, she wasn't mature enough to think it through and would go 10 times in 20 minutes. It was so sad. I was able to get her through it (after many doc visits) by telling her that ALL kids did this when they turned 5 and they they ALL grow out of it. It helped a real lot. It stopped after being really bad for 6 months...that week...but hints of it come up when she starts school or is under stress.

    Funny though, Ballet shows don't do it to her..Hmmm.

    Thank you for being so thoughtful!

    Chelsea

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    ps...I saw on another post you suggested ALEKS.com...and trial...I just had DD9 try the 5th grade assessment. She did great in number sense - looks like about 80% and it looks like she knew about a quater in the other subjects..She was never taught a lot of that stuff. She told me she wants us to buy it because "I'm worried that the teachers don't make me do stuff in school because I already know it, but they don't teach me more so I think I'm going to get behind." lol...that was so cute of her to be thinking about her education. Makes me smile.
    Chelsea

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