Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School K 2011-2012

Our gifted program doesn't start until second grade

Ds started on Monday. He has not been brought to the first grade for math just yet. I am hoping they start next week. He did bring home his first packet of homework today and it had an added page just for him. I am so excited to see differentiation already. It involves writing, which he can always use practice doing.

DS's been in K for a few weeks now. He turns 6 soon. He is an only child and possibly Aspie but, we haven't gone into more in depth testing. He does have an IEP for AS. School seems to be going pretty well. We don't have gifted classes until 3rd grade here. He did have a problem at the library wanting to choose a book from a section they weren't allowed to. Otherwise he seems perfectly content to identify the letter O etc. while coming home and reading chapter books. I only wonder how long that can last. I really hated elementary school so I feel I project some of my feelings onto him.

I did want to add he is doing great on his writing, that is a big thing he doesn't like to do because it is not perfect.

Thank you to those who offered comments about my DD's Kindergarten situation. I'm happy to report that things have been getting better, and she seems to be adjusting day by day. The first day was definitely the worst, and she had another bad day last week when they had a fire drill, but overall she's reporting that she likes a lot of the activities there and she's coming home tired but happy. She hasn't been having meltdowns or anger issues at home lately.

Regarding OT for Sensory Issues -- Sensory Processing/Integration Disorder is not an official diagnosis in the DSM-IV (official manual of mental disorders). Therefore, our physician doesn't believe in it, and the our insurance doesn't cover it. We were told just to be patient and understanding with her sensitivities -- that they're very common in young children, particularly gifted ones, and it's something she will mostly outgrow. Indeed, these sensory issues pose few real problems at home; they're more of a concern at school where there are more bodies, more chaos, fire drills, etc. I'm not sure to what extent it is interfering with her ability to participate and be successful at school, so I'm having the teacher document her behavior, including sensory issues. If there's a clear pattern, I'll try to persue it further.

Regarding Asperger's/Developmental disorders, these were ruled out because of the way she interacts with adults in a reciprocal manner. It was noted that she has advanced communication skills, which include being able to empathize, negotiate, and understand others' points of view and their body language. Additionally, she uses very expressive and appropriate intonation and gestures while communicating. Cognitively, she has a wide range of interests, and she's is interested in concepts and relationships between ideas, as opposed to memorization of facts. I'm certainly not opposed to her or any child getting a diagnosis if it allows them to get the help and services that they need, but it's pretty clear to me that her behavior does not match the criteria in the DSM-IV. Furthermore, she seems to do really well with the self-directed aspects of Montessori; it's the other times, like group activities and waiting in line that can be problematic for her.

Today, she had her appointment with the psychiatrist, who said that DD's statements such as "I want to get killed" are just attention-seeking and probably not indicative of depression. She said that my DD is a very strong-willed only child who's used to being the focus of attention and getting immediate response from her parents. The psych failed to establish any kind of rapport with DD, (which doesn't say too much for her, since DD loves adults), so DD didn't open up or share anything about her feelings. I appreciated hearing the psych's opinion, but she didn't offer us any new strategies, or anything helpful. (I'm getting more out of the books I've been reading) She said she wanted to see DD again in a month, but since she didn't connect at all with DD, I don't think it's worth our time to go again.

However what does seem to be helping DD is her school experience. I couldn't be more impressed with her teacher. She is so understanding, and patient, and she has so many skills and strategies, but it open to trying new suggestions. She reports DD's behavior is getting better, and that she often joins the circle time of her own choosing and participates. The teacher also has seen right away DD is way more advanced academically than the other children. The whole school is really very supportive, and they haven't made us feel like we're at fault for sending such a spoiled, demanding, only child to school, nor have they accused us of hothousing her. It's a very cooperative relationship, and I couldn't be more pleased.

However I know that there will still be challenges, and I know that she'll never be the "goody-two shoes" that I was as a MG, non-intense child. We're documenting everything now at both home and school, and they'll do more evaluations if necessary. At this point, I don't think we're going to have any luck with diagnoses but I'm remaining open to it. The teacher is very optimistic that DD will adapt and be successful in the classroom.
Thank you for the encouragement and insight. I really like what DeeDee wrote: "it's the hand she's dealt, and it's your job to help her master the challenges that come with that hand. She needs you to stay calm and positive and look for solutions that help her manage herself better." Keeping that in my mind and heart!

Here is a summary of what happened at the psychiatrist today. Her teacher wishes to know the results of the appointment, but I'm not sure what I should share. The teacher is so warm and kind and understanding toward DD, and toward us as parents. I wonder if this report will change that. What do you think? :

Overall the psychiatrist appointment was not very productive in my opinion. The first hour consisted of discussion with the parents. During this hour, DD told to draw with markers or play with legos. There were other toys in view, but Alison was not allowed to play with them. She was actively discouraged from interacting with the adults during this time. This was supposed to be just "adult" conversation. The psychiatrist was not warm or friendly toward her, and did not want her to be interacting with us during the adult time. For part of the time, Alison was able to occupy herself with the markers and legos, but she soon got restless, bored, and then angry. Finally, it was time for DD to have one-on-one time with the psychiatrist while the parents left the room. DD was in a very agitated state at this point, and it was reported that she was very uncooperative with the psychiatrist and would not answer her questions. We were told that her development and her issues were normal, and that we should set firm limits with her and allow her to get frustrated and angry without quickly intervening. The psychiatrist felt that DD's statements, such as "I want to get killed", are an attention-seeking behavior, and not indicative of depression. She offered no strategies for dealing with her issues of frustration, anger-management, overgeneralization, and perfectionism, etc, but seemed to think that her growing up as an only child with responsive parents who tend to focus their attention on her -- is the cause of her difficulties adapting to the school environment where she cannot be the center of attention.

Jeimey - I'd be really angry at a report like that, esp when the scene was set for unresponsive right from the start! Can you not see someone who specialises in PG kids?


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Aiden will start grade 0 (K) in January here. we are very excited for him to be there - the teacher he will have will be great for him I think. the school had a long meeting with the parents a few days ago (DH went, i was at home with the kids) and he is quite excited by what they presented - they explained how they work with the kids and how they teach through play. They did bang on a bit about the fine motor skills blah blah (Aiden is not a fan of loads of colouring - he will do a bit and then prefers to find something else to do, and they colour and cut out every single day at the moment in pre-K), but they also mentioned some specific kids who are scattered through the school (pre - 7) who are far advanced in maths or other subjects.

So we are re-assured for now and the aim is just to get him though the boring stuff this year and into the good stuff next year where we hope he will feel happier and more excited to learn at school. currently he is of the opinion that if he wants to learn or know something he waits to get home.

That sounds really good! I hope she adjusts nicely.


That alone isn't a rule-out. Or a rule-in. Most AS kids do quite well with adults, and poorly with peers.


Empathy is a good sign; but it depends how people define empathy. It can be slippery. My DS (who has AS) is sensitive to other people's emotions, but not able to guess other's thoughts or motivations accurately. This CAN look like empathy.


Not a rule-out. Lots of gifted AS kids can do these things.

I guess what I'm saying is, I see some flags here. How is she with peers? Can she follow directions she doesn't want to follow? Most kindergartners can, at least much of the time.

Not to alarm you but just to let you know that AS gets missed in girls, as do other developmental issues like ADD. My niece has AS, and she's very bright and imaginative, but socially disconnected from peers and highly stressed at school. It's very subtle, and also makes things very difficult for her.


You know, blaming the parents is so 1950s. I think this is both unhelpful and inappropriate on the psychologist's part.

(We saw this kind of psych, too, when DS was 5. Told us if we just implemented time outs correctly, he'd be a different child. Uh, no, he had autism, and really well-executed time outs weren't going to solve that.)

I'm glad you are watching closely, and documenting everything. A suicide threat, no matter how young the child, has to be taken seriously. If it were my kid, I wouldn't be going back to that psych, but might seek help from a developmental pediatrician who's seen gifted kids, to help you sort out what's up.

DeeDee

As I look at supplementing ds in math.. I am looking at Singapore math. Does anyone have any experience with it?

We have Singapore workbooks for when DS asks for math homework.

What's your goal? It's good for practicing arithmetic concepts, but if I were going to do a focused supplement at this point, I'd probably focus on logic, patterns and the like. Games like Set, Mastermind, Parcheesi, and Chess are all great.

I just wanted to give a K update after a week and a half in school. So far, my DD5 is positive for the most part, but she is sad that they don't do any crafts, very limited outdoor time, and rushed snacks. They are doing very simple group activities, and SLOWLY trying to figure out where students fall in ability, but I am afraid they will just shoot too low to see how far she can go. My DD often says she can't do things and won't do them, but if approached the right way, can really surprise even me with what she knows or can do. I am meeting with the teacher and the evaluator who assessed my DD and am a little nervous about the whole thing. I am worried about upsetting the applecart and setting the teacher up to want to prove that my DD is not gifted etc. The teacher has told me that my DD is behaving just fine and after watching the kids before and after school, she actually seems more mature than many, particularly the boys. Her hand writing is good too so in many ways she is so ready to be out of K, but she is very afraid of growing up (has been talking a lot about aging, loss of childhood, death, etc.) so I don't want to rush her either. It is so hard to have a little sweet girl with a child's heart and fears who also has a mind that is so far ahead of her in many ways. We just take it day by day and hope for the best. She loves to play and is social so overall, she is doing great.

Great to hear that your DD is doing Great! Great that her maturity level seems about right (take a peek in the 1st grade room and mentally see how much of an oulier she would be there) - there is nothing like seeing a room full of kids to get a sense of the range of normal.

Half day kindy might be the just right thing for your DD for now -so enjoy it! It's normal to be nervous about meetings, but if the evaluator will be there then you shouldn't have to do too much of the heavy lifting. Reminds me of the recent Aimee Yermish blog:

http://davincilearning.wordpress.com/author/ayermish/