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I see this so much with dd5. She hid herself from super earlier (before two it was apparent at daycare). Now, at school, I can see they think she's smart but don't see what all the fuss is about. She can tell the time to the minute, but ask her what the time is in front of someone (even if it's a much younger kid) and she'll tell you she doesn't know. She reads with beautiful expression at home, but at school she is monotone as she reads. She's in all the top groups at school and takes her work very seriously despite coming home and saying it's very easy, but she'll never show more than she has asked. She appears to fit in with her ppers because she'll play with any one, but at home says she feels lonely at school.

A while ago on another thread Katelyn'sMom made a comment about having a child that will wait until the box is opened rather than open it herself and that has stayed with me ever since because it is such an apt description of dd. The problem is getting the school to see dd needs it. Because she hides, I look extra pushy.

In contrast a friend of mine has an MG, maybe HG son, who obviously doesn't fit in with his peers. He shows all the signs of the boy in the link posted. Another friend, a teacher, raves about this boy where as I know she thinks I push dd too far (dd, aware she's being evaluated, barely speaks in her presence - needless to say I tend to catch up with her without dd as a rule).

Sigh...

Both of my daughters (8 and 3) have gone "underground" at various times, and in different situations, but for what appears to be the same reason "kids my age aren't supposed to do X" or "kids my age are only supposed to be able to do Y".

DD8 has decided on her own that she can't stay underground very long. She sees it as being polite to the person she is with, when she tries to fit in with them, or be interested in what they do, but the whole time she is only 1/4 of the way engaged in the activity and the rest of her brain is usually singing songs or observing other people or trying to figure out why this other person her age can only do X when she can do XY and Z.

It has been interesting to see her come to accept that she is different and that she is proud of being smart and she wants to be the top of the class . She still has a hard time when others don't understand her and she gets her feelings hurt, probably more than I know, but she is growing in self-confidence daily and is going underground less and less. We have spent a lot of time finding people who will let her be herself as well as given her opportunities to be the questioning inquisitive kid with wild amazing ideas purely because as a gifted female, I know what it is like to go underground and how bad it makes you feel when you have to pretend to be someone you really aren't. (been there, done that, still do sometimes ).

Our younger DD started going underground at about 2. I was amazed the first time I saw it. I think it will be more difficult to get her to stop going underground because she already compares herself to her older sister. So far it is to ask when she will be old enough to do things, or when she will learn to do other things, but I see it getting more than that in the future. I don't remember DD8 going under so early, but maybe she did and we just missed it.

It helped a lot to give DD8 an opportunity to be herself and to nudge her to be herself in school. (We would do little pep talks on the way to school when I noticed her going underground.) The more often she saw success and positive responses to her being herself the more she did it. (Sort of like self-fulfilling prophecy)

I wonder if it's all tied up with the princesses somehow, and I'm only partially kidding. My DS barely 4's preschool is full of girls loving the princesses, and though she was much more about "Dora" at 2 and 3, she is definitely into princesses and the attention she gets when she dresses up like one. All well and good, but when you actually read any princess stories, it gets a little nauseating, always being saved by the prince after being locked up, etc. You rarely see the princesses solving math problems, working, or curling up with an exciting book. Sorry, Rapunzel.

My HG DS6 just finished a year of essentially mainstream kindergarten, and as I look back on the year, I wonder whether it was good for him or not. He' a lot like the boy in the article, so the year started out great, then devolved into boredom since nothing was new and it was repetitive, friendships unraveled, and he wasn't very into it by the end. He's starting a program for HG/PG kids this fall and couldn't be happier ... he met the kids at shadow day and really hit it off. I just wonder how much more complicated that switch would be for my daughter and if a year in a mainstream kindergarten would be even worse for her. I was all about full-day kindergarten vs. half day (in AZ that's a big thing), but maybe less really is more for gifted girls who might need to learn more confidence to stand out and be the smart one.

Kerry, I do the pep talks too!

And I agree, "Let's ban "Bossy!"

I have 2 gifted daughters. One is 9 and her kindergarten year was at Montessori - only 12 hours a week. My little one, 5, just finished HER kindergarten year at a public school, all day but had a Montessori start in preschool. I seriously don't know which was better. There is a confidence thing. The little one, in public school, is lacking writing confidence and spelling. Her number sense is not as good, but her organization skills and manners and such seem to bet better. Who knows...

Paper bag princess is my favorite princess story!

That was DD8s favorite story too - I'd forgotten about it, I'll have to introduce DD3 to it.