Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments High School....and girls

When I got to HS, I was one year ahead and a few in math. So my math and soon my science classes were another year ahead. But I was heavily involved in a sport at a very competitive level so I missed about 50 days a year to train.

In high school I also was a cheerleader for a couple of years, did some track. And partied. Since I didn't have to do any homework. But I had horrible study habits. And teachers let me get away with so much, partly because I got great grades on tests and I was this known athlete in town. Athletes do get away with a lot. And I had a BFF who had also skipped a grade in elementary school, so was my age.

So I probably had somewhat "normal" experience. I threw a lot of parties.

Ren

Hmmmm...Except for cheerleading, a beer here and there in a cornfield, and being obnoxious to my teachers, I don't remember a whole lot from high school. I do remember putting on a good face for everyone. I was in the so called "popular" group but never felt fully comfortable with that group, or any group. I got away with a lot and was never held accountable for grades. I graduated from a class of 102, pretty rural. I was involved in almost every activity. Our 25th reunion is this summer, and everyone is "so excited" and reliving on facebook all of these "fun" and "remember when" stories....And I'm just like, "What?!?" I feel like I wasn't even at the same high school...Weird.

I have the same exact lack of memories that everyone else seems to remember from my class! Thank you for posting.

Mixed bag for me. I went to a large high school that had a LOT to offer. To this day, I wish I had dropped one of my periods of choir and taken auto shop or some extra science or social studies classes. There were entire hallways I never went down.

Socially, I struggled. I had friends, sort of. I was smart, but not "high-flying" enough to hang with the top students, in several sports but not athletic enough to hang with that bunch, musically talented but not advanced/hot-housed/in-the-local-scene enough to be really close with that bunch.

I had been referred for the district G/T program (full-time classroom cohort model) in first grade (I have come to find out), but my mom refused to have me (or my sister) tested because... who knows? She had her reasons, I guess, but now knowing that bunch of people, I realize that that really could have been a good social group for me. As things stood, I had been kept in the "middle" reading and math groups despite very high standardized test scores. I was missing the background knowledge, as well as plain old high expectations, that the kids in the G/T classroom had experienced.

I was a sensitive, immature kid who cried easily over any little thing, so when I tested into accelerated math for 7th grade (despite having been in the non-accelerated track for my entire elementary career), the teacher recommended I just stick with average-track because "it would be easier and not upsetting to me." By high school, I had figured out how to skate by academically with an A- average and little effort. No one pegged me as one of the "smart kids," nor was I one of the "athletic kids," or one of the "music-theater" kids, though I did all those things.

When my swim coach and choir director tried to play a game of tug-of-war about whose activity I should attend on a certain night, I didn't understand the fuss. I was neither planning to make a career out of singing or swimming. Couldn't I swim my events, dash out early, run down the hall, show up a little late, with wet hair and reeking of chlorine, for choir warm-ups, and sing in the concert? Both adults (and most of the other student participants for whom one or the other activity was "their thing") didn't understand my lack of priority. Wasn't I an athlete/musician (depending on who was asking)? I wasn't a "top performing star" in *insert other activity here*, should I just skip out on THAT and do THIS? No, I was a 16 year-old girl who enjoyed sports and music. At such a large high school, we were expected to specialize, and I was a Jack(Jane?)-of-all-Trades. In a way, I was an everybody and a nobody.

My high school weirdness and immaturity, in a way, saved me from the Freshman year of college "Who am I?" crisis. I knew that I didn't have to be the best to enjoy something. I could do things just for fun. I moved in and out of different social groups during those awkward first years when everyone is still trying to find a group of people "like them" to befriend. I already kind of understood that people didn't have to share all of my interests, or look like me, or have any other characteristics beyond being a person I like, find interesting, and want to spend more time with.

I guess I'll maintain that high school IS a socially norming experience. It is. It's a shared social phenomenon. I'll also maintain that it's not a natural experience, nor is it necessarily one that actually helps develop adult relationships or expectations. The social type-casting (at least not as I experienced it) is not necessarily a healthy norm. While our society is MUCH more specialized than it was in "traditional" societies, very few adults are so one-dimensional (socially or proficiency-wise) as high school kind of guides students to be.

If by "normalizing" you mean 'sharing crippling psychological wounds with true peers,' then the answer is a resounding YES.
LOL. In all seriousness, I grew up in a fairly isolated region dominated by a-- well, the term is 'red-neck' I think-- small city and its suburbs. While there was a local regional college, and a cultural bright spot in the small town associated with it, the rest of the area was an intellectual wasteland of blue collar living. If you;ve ever seen the reality television shows "Axe Men" or "Deadliest Catch," you're familiar with the surroundings/culture that I grew up in. Not a pretty picture for any PG child.

High school itself was a mid-sized (for the area) school with very good academics (one of the best in the nation at the time, truly); I graduated in a class of 270+, and the top 10% of my class went to East Coast Ivies. We had a dozen national merit semi-finalists in that group (I was one of them). Socioeconomically pretty diverse-- everything from upper middle class (well-off doctors and lawyers for parents) to migrant worker families, with a fairly even distribution throughout. My family was in the middle third of that distribution. No private lessons or fancy clothes for me, but I ate lunch every day, YK? There were kids in my high school that got beautifully restored classic cars for 16th birthdays, however.

Academics were not very challenging. I missed over a third of my sophomore year and still graduated no problem, let's put it that way. But there were a fair number of AP offerings, and I took advantage of most. That was light years better, certainly, but I don't really recall much of anything standing out as meaningful.

I worked at a local vet hospital, eventually tech-ing there for several years, I had a MUCH older boyfriend (later first spouse-- what a mistake) because I hated the immaturity of the 'peers' that I went to school with, and I participated in band and orchestra with a passion. I was also involved in local pageants during my last couple of years in high school. I was not much of a "joiner" in the traditional sense, and my hobbies were fairly solitary. I was not then and never became a "sporty" person. I played soccer for fun, but never competitively. I had enjoyed gymnastics when I was younger, but had developed physically to the point that it was impossible to perform at that level anymore, plus I had sustained a back injury as a middle schooler. I also sustained a knee injury playing soccer, so that put an end to that.

My best friend left high school early (sophomore year) to attend college. I was bereft without her.


I thought that high school was three of the most miserable years of my life, and in my mid-forties, I've still seen no reason to reevaluate that stance.

My husband's high school experience was profoundly different from mine, and we have long hypothesized that this owes MUCH to gender differences in the social culture of high school. He was also a jock-- so the athletic/team thing really made his experiences radically different.

I was never a "girl's girl" and I had few friends, because it had become profoundly obvious to all of my male friends that I could no longer be considered just one of the guys. I was reasonably socially compliant and tried desperately to fly under the radar and just be ignored-- but there are some things that you just can't hide. Physical attributes that make you stand out, or intellectual ability that can't be hidden well are top contenders for ways to make yourself a target as a girl.

They are also things that leave you feeling powerless to make your situation better, which is a recipe for disaster in girl culture.

I did not have a great or a horrible experience in high school. There were about 150 kids per grade, it was the only school in town and we'd all been together since kindergarten, so we knew each other pretty well by the time we got to high school. I was in band and drama and track and other clubs, but I struggled socially - had very few friends, although most people were friendly with me.

It was definitely NOT the "best years of my life". When people would say that I too would become depressed and think it must get better or a lot more people would be on anti-depression pills.

I have not attended any reunions and can't actually think of a reason to go. I keep in touch with 1 person from "back home" even though I know a number of them still see my parents around town and ask about me.

Academically, I had some pretty tough classes - Modern European history, AP physics (in the days before they split it into 2 different courses), and AP Calculus, and some stupid easy ones - Spanish and French, computers. The worst thing about it academically was that I had teachers who were all about girls either going into "girl professions" (their descriptions) or going to college for the "Mrs." degree. My physics teacher actually told us that he would prefer to teach all boys because they were better at physics than girls were and we really shouldn't be in the class! (I now have a masters degree in physics and he remembers it as it being his great teaching that sparked my interest in the field. )

That all being said, I can understand what they mean by a "normalizing experience". Let me explain before you all jump up in surprise. Most people expect others around them to have had similar experiences in their lives, and they assume (often incorrectly) that if something happened to them a certain way in high school then it happened the same or similar way to everyone. It is the idea of "shared past experiences" that helps create bonds between people when they are first meeting and trying to get to know each other. (It helps us put each other into focus, in terms of what we view as "normal" in life.)

For example, DH and I were living and working in Japan when 9/11 happened. We do not have the same perspective on the event as other American who were living in the US at the time and who have never lived abroad. As a result, when people talk about it and we don't react in the "normal" /usual way as other Americans react people don't know how to interpret us or our ideas and often times simply draw the conclusion that we are simply "wierdos, freaks, or un-American" (and worse). Most people can not cope with the idea that the way we experienced that time of life was so radically different than what they experienced and what the rest of the country experienced.

If we relate this back to high school and girls, in particular - this is the time when society says they are supposed to be dating, learning the social norms of life as an adult female (whether or not you agree with them or even plan on adhering to them). They are supposed to be getting giggly about going to the prom or dating the football star or failing the dreaded class of choice that particular year. It is NOT the time when they are supposed to be studying and learning and using their minds to better themselves or finding their dream or just plain being happy with who they are and what they want to do.

I teach high school and it is an incredibly hard time for both boys and girls, especially those who do not fit in the pigeon holes that our current educational plan tries to fit them into. (A whole other rant for me, so I'll stop here.)

I have read this post a couple of times, so I think I understand what you've meant. And I think you've captured something. For our gifted children-especially our girls, it really is going against the grain of society (not just the culture of high school) to be a serious scholar in high school. So either you ARE that scholar, and stick-out (unless you are blessedly lucky and have found a few others as serious as yourself) or you hide the intellectual side of yourself, and still never fit-in because you can't hide it, it's in every twitch of your synapses.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about my high school experience. If "normalizing" means that you can refer to the highlights of high school and remember those experiences, then I guess I can. I went to football games, I was in the band, I went to prom (although not my senior year because, by then, I thought it was silly), etc. It was okay, occasionally really fun, but nothing earth-shattering.

I graduated with a class of 420, ranked 21st, although I did virtually no studying that I can remember. I took honors classes throughout and AP English and Calculus (they were the only AP classes offered) my senior year, and I remember writing most of my AP English papers after having read just the Cliff's notes and doing all my calc homework at school. I recall one incident of having to turn in a paper on an 800-page book on Monday, so I stayed in my room all weekend to read the book that I should have been reading for at least an entire month before that. Obviously, I had no study skills, and didn't really need them to do fairly well. Still, I look back with regret that I didn't actually try in HS. I am thrilled with my life, but I know that if I'd actually studied -- actually had to study -- then I would have taken a different path.

Socially, I had friends from all the different groups and was well liked by everyone, although by nature I am an introvert and shy. HS was mostly fun for me (but not a party exactly), and why wouldn't it be when I did very little actual work? I also had friends of all ages, although all my best friends throughout my life were older than me. I had always wanted to skip a grade, but it just wasn't in the cards since I had a twin who didn't need a skip. I hated that I was limited in participating in certain activities with my friends simply because they were older than me. Interestingly, all my best friends from MS and HS were male, so that my have saved me from some of the drama. I guess everyone knew I was a smart person, but since my grades weren't sky-high, I mostly flew under the radar.

I guess a good thing was that there never seemed to be any stigma about getting good grades at our school. Most of the popular kids were good students as well. I don't remember a ton of bullying either, although there must have been the normal amount. Obviously, being in band I heard the term "band geek," but no one seemed to seriously make fun of band people. I was one of many who moved fluidly between all the different groups.

Did I feel different? I think I always did. I knew I was really smart and I know I always felt older than I was. But I guess I just assumed that everybody had their thing, so I never felt out of place exactly. Did I learn any big life lessons in HS? Not that I can think of. I think the biggest impact schooling, in general, had on me was that I learned that I could get by with a minimal amount of effort (so I learned cost-benefit ratios!), and that was life-changing.

HS was definitely not a great experience on my end. I was depressed, thought there was something wrong with me, never attended any dances or major social events except football games b/c I was in the color guard (which was called the "dog squad" by kids at school)... There were a number of bright kids and I was in classes with them but, like someone else mentioned, they weren't my social group possibly b/c I had been terribly bullied in junior high and didn't realize that my fit would be with the smart kids rather than the kids who were social misfits. My self image was horrible and I was hospitalized a few times toward the end of hs and early college for suicide attempts and an eating disorder.

I'm really, really hoping that dds' middle school and high school experiences are much better than mine. Dd12 knows and has internalized in a positive way what is "wrong" with her. She is one of the most centered 12 y/os that I've ever met and middle school was actually a great experience for her. Her friends are all the school "nerds" but she is pretty popular socially as well. She knows that her true peers, though, are friends like one of her good buddies who is HG and 1.5 yrs older than she. My fingers are crossed that high school continues along those same lines for her.

High school was awesome for me. After years of being bored and the out of synch social outcast, I went to a public boarding school for gifted and talented. There was a lot of disappointment there in that a lot of the teachers sucked, I learned about sexism first hand, and I still ran out of math classes to take by my junior year (I played a lot of three person spades senior year), but being around other smart, quirky, and previously socially ostracized kids was wonderful. I met my husband and my best friend, and learned how to do my own laundry (also learned many things I had previously been sheltered from).

I wasn't particularly popular, but I had my niche and best of all nobody tormented anyone. There was no one popular clique. There were just different friendship groups, most of which I was on the fringe of because I tended to go home on weekends.

The biggest thing I learned was that I could never go back to being surrounded by "normal" people. That makes me an elitist, but I refuse to humble myself (which is an inside joke if you were in my high school class).