Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How to deal with Inflexibility in Kids

My older kid (DS nearly6) is extremely inflexible. Any surprises, smallest changes to routine will lead to tantrums. We have recently started occupational therapy to overcome it. The OT also includes a listening program called ILS (integrated listening systems) and I feel even after a few times that it has made a difference already.

I like the sabotage program, we have used that a few times as well with the favorite cereal having run out :*) or mistakenly putting the wrong ingredient on the sandwich (when he was hungry and we had to run out of the door).

I am so glad that this forum exists and I am not feeling that I am the only one that has a kid with this extreme stubborn/ inflexible behavior. :*)

Oh yes, I definitely have at least one of those! DS8 has a most astonishing array of opinions about the world for someone who has almost no experience in it! And DD4 follows right in his footsteps, so I'm not sure if it's really her or just the nearness of brother. Everything has to be "just so", and it's a national catastrophe if something different is about to happen.

To be fair, they do come by it naturally.

It's just so frustrating when I can't get him interested in a book or movie or game that I know he would like, because he has this "thing" against it for no apparent reason. I still have many of my books from when I was a kid, and now my kid doesn't want to even look at them, because he's "not a fiction kind of guy". Arrrgh!

Everyone in my family could be described as inflexible - particularly when stressed.

I've had great improvement with

Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook: An Interactive Guide to The Nurtured Heart Approach by Lisa Bravo, Howard Glasser

I love making a big fuss when DS or DH does even the littlest flex and praising their flexibility. I like those irrefutable moments of strength - and lecture on and on about it, even when I see DS start to squirm.

Smiles,
Grinity

HA! I have one of these! I left my 4yo DS with my mother today crying because I threw out his old carseat last night. The carseat that he has not used in over 6 months.
My DD6 has always had a "bring it on" kind of personality. She'll tackle any task or activity. DS just told me that soccer was "too hard" on Saturday.
You know, you think you've got one kid figured out and the next one throws you for a loop!
I am definitely going to start trying some of the ideas here. The other thing I am going to keep doing is to not coddle him. If a carseat/whatever needs to go, it needs to go. It will be done in broad daylight with little apology and just enough explanation.
SO glad I'm not the only one!

Oh, yeah. There was the time when D (now 16) was about 4, and I made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast (big treat). But... we were out of fat free Coolwhip (what they usually have with them), so just this one time I said they could have vanilla ice cream with them instead. Older D was thrilled, but the four year old threw a fit and wouldn't eat it. Just because it wasn't what she was used to.

A couple of tricks we have tried over the years:
- Bribery - D did not want to learn to swim, but she did want dance lessons. We made it a condition... get through level 4 of swimming, and you can have the dance lessons. She did it. Hated dance once she got there, but that is another story
- When they start something new, let them go for a one session try-out of you can arrange it. D started fencing this year. She really wasn't sure about it, so I asked the club if she could come one time and check it out before we commmited for a full quarter. She did, was comfortable enough to return, and now really loves it.