DS9 took his NaNoWriMo book to school to show his teacher/classmates.
I asked DS7 if he wanted to show his NaNoWriMo book to his teacher or his class.
He said he wanted to, but he was afraid. What if she/they laughed at him and said it was stupid?
I think of this as 'lack of reference group' a special aspect of perfectionism that only gifted kids have. Pat yourself on the back for setting up some testing for DS7, because it might be that his gifts are way more than anyone has seen, leading you to leave him with a set of 'peers' who aren't very peer-ish.
For my son there was a direct correlation between spending time with 'real peers' and his willingness to take risks. The summer before 8th grade he did an engineering camp, after a super academically challenging year of school, and learned from a peer how to do the Rubix Cube. He was so comfortable in his skin after that then when he started 8th grade in a totally new school, he brought his Cube and showed his new friends what he could do. A teacher-friend told me that one day she turned the corner and saw DS headed down the hall between classes twisting his cube, and a crowd of about 50 kids watching.
This is the same kid who wouldn't join the Robot building team at the High School because 'it's social suicide' and he 'had a reputation to uphold.' Snot! I hate it when he gets like that, but I do see over the years how the better his accomidations are going, the more of his 'geeky' side he lets show.
Leaving aside if that may or may not the case for DS7, I would start pointing out characters in books or movies who are afraid to show their stuff but overcome it and do so and then 'save the day.' I'm only thinking of Rudolf the Rednosed Reindeer at the moment, but maybe we can get some suggestions. Wouldn't Christopher Columbus have been embarassed if he had fallen off the edge of the world?
I would look for the tiniest hint of bravery - in any situation and compliment your son on it. If he is willing to let you post a poem here, do it, and praise his risk taking.
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Not so sure this is perfectionism per se. It's the same with almost everything he does, though. He is very afraid that what he's done isn't/won't be good enough, and that people will make fun of him. He doesn't want to invite friends/family members to things like the spelling bee or his sporting events, because he'd be embarassed if he made a mistake/didn't win.
...Maybe I was reading too much into it, but it made me sad to hear that would be his wish.
Being the gifted younger brother or a gifted older brother has lots of advantages, but it can also have this 'we try harder' effect. I see it in brothers and cousins, and at least you don't have to worry so much about underachievement. Ask around for family stories of similar pairs.
I'm sure you already try to foster the idea that 'we are a gifted family of high achievers'and make it a game to see who is best at noticing the other's strengths, so I just want to encourage you to keep it up. It will help.
And obviously, try to keep the Adult role models in good order.
Love and More Love,
Grinity
