I think that you responded appropriately and that the school heard your concerns. Unless you feel that there are unresolved issues going forward, I would not keep quizzing DD about what happened exactly that day. Figure out where to go from here, maybe get a plan in place with the teacher and let the details go. If there is some story telling going on, you may be encouraging the behavior by giving her attention around the issue. I can't remember how old your DD is. Sometimes I think that they either can't distinguish reality from their story or they don't know how to get out of it once the story has gone on too long.

When my DD8 was in pre-K, she came home from school telling me that Abby was hitting her. DD and Abby had had some disagreements in the past but nothing physical. DD was tearful and dramatic every day. She was very consistent in her story. I asked her all kinds of questions and got indignant. I told her that no one had a right to treat her like that and gave her advice on how to handle the situation, i.e. use your words, go to the grownup, etc. I went and spoke to the teacher when it became apparent that DD couldn't handle the situation. It turned out that DD was lying BIG TIME. Abby was having a rough time and was being treated poorly by some other kids in the class. Consequently, the teacher had been watching Abby closely. The teacher said that DD and Abby did not interact. Abby had been withdrawn all week and getting some extra attention from the teacher to try and draw her out.

When I talked to DD and asked her why she said Abby hit her, she didn't have a good response. I don't know if DD was trying to get extra attention because Abby was getting some extra attention. It was very hard to sort it out. I came to the conclusion that DD was getting something out of my reaction. After that, I worked with the teacher and told DD that we would touch base with the teacher for a few minutes at the end of each day. DD could bring up any concerns and I could find out if there were any problems. Some legitimate problems came out that she had never mentioned to me but I never heard another "Abby hit me" story again. Maybe it was her way to ask for help in a way that she knew that I would respond?

Last edited by knute974; 11/02/10 11:11 AM. Reason: reworded