Thanks all again.
I was really conscious writing both my initial post and the subsequent one that I was probably coming across more negatively than I intended - or felt about it all, but I couldn't quite find the language I needed to articulate the situation or my response/worries about it. Certainly when I talked about her being manipulative, I didn't really mean it in a "she's a manipulative little so and so" kind of way, nor do I think that she should always be using her time 'valuably' - what ever than really means. Just that she manipulates (in the literal sense) these situations and I have been unsure whether to address that and if so, how. Despite my inability to say what I meant with any kind of eloquence, the stories and advice you've all had has been great.
Your stories, particularly yours graceful mom, make me realise this is probably just how she is
It hasn't really been an issue for us until now (well, the behaviours have been there, but we've just let them be) - but she has just recently had this huge brain spurt, which to be honest has thrown much of my parenting know how (such as it is!) out of whack. She is a very different kid to the one she was even 3 or 4 weeks ago and in many ways much, much more mature. But in equally many ways still 4.5
Graceful mom, I had to laugh at the playground thing. DD is the same (though perhaps it is not so surprising as your son does sound a lot like dd). I have found a trick that works with her (to get her doing something on her own at the playground), which is to get her to complete what she calls 'challenges'. I have to set a course for her over the play equipment (up the red climbing thing, along the ramp, through the tunnel, down the slide etc). She loves it and gives me a chance to sit in the sun for a few moments!
St Pauli Girl - I laughed when I read your comment about a play mate. I often think that too
Though don't know how if we had another with the intensity of dd!
Thanks again all.
