My son remembers the positive as well as the negative. I don't think he dwells on the negative, but he also doesn't forget. .. He remembers talking to the teachers on playground duty instead of actually playing because there were bullies on the playground who were much bigger because they were older, having been redshirted, which is the custom here, and he didn't feel safe when they were around.
Teachers seemed to be blind to the bullying or maybe they were just thinking positive--bullying is not really that bad, it builds character, and boys will be boys, etc.
Its is called "Big Boys and Girls Rules of Life."
I was in 5th grade when I figured this out. The bully beat me up in the locker room and the gym teacher did nothing about it. I was so mad at the injustice that when the bully got the ball, I just cleaned his clock so hard that he was crying to the gym teacher who consoled him and gave me a mean look.
I learned that bullies are really children inside and that they are often protected by those in power who use the bully as proxies.
When he got back on the field, I nailed him again because I was still mad at the gym teacher and when I got up I looked right at the teacher. The bully left me alone after that and other boys welcomed me as friends.
Much of the world is still governed by the use of physical violence and it is a deep part of human nature. Some people you cannot reach by argument, but they can reach out and punch you. You have to have an answer for this rather than pretending it does not exist. Running away is a legitimate defense.
A lot of kids cannot use the sports field or for other reasons, cannot strike back. You then either take it, or avoid it altogether. I think taking it will destroy most peoples' ability to form boundaries and how to deal with anger. Therefore, avoiding it also protects you. Striking back risks becoming a bully oneself or becoming callous to others' plight.
