Freya,
The primary thing it did for me was to make me realize that there are things DS can't help doing. Like smiling to himself when I talk to him because he's replaying a scene or a page in a book in his head. It irked me so much, and I used to think that he was being rude, but these memories just flash at the slightest hint of a link to what I could be saying to him. At the time I was losing patience with him, so the books helped to remind me about how sensitive he is. He hasn't forgiven his class teacher for scolding at him last term, for example. The primary practical tool/strategy offered that I could glean was - keep calm, talk to him in analogy (that's how DS speaks too), do the broken-recorder technique, ie, keep repeating your stance. That's been my modus operandi from day 1, lol!
What I've found to be more helpful is The Mislabeled Child. I can see that he's highly creative but he lacks attention to detail. It's a long term process - he's only x (I'll keep changing this number as the years go by), and I'm making sure I maintain my stamina with doses of books such as these.
Somehow because of the better understanding I have, our relationship has improved markedly in the last several weeks. I actually bought several books from Howard Glasser called Transforming the Difficult Child, but I haven't had the need to read them in great detail. Am saving this for the next crisis (which I hope will never come!) But the approach is the similar - focus on strengths, be positive, understand the cause of the behaviour and work around it.
Freya, perhaps my son is older and more settled than in your case. According to the Eides who wrote The Mislabeled Child and to a lot of anecdotal evidence around me, kids definitely improve with age
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