Zanzi,
My GD5 had a lot of potty accidents at Pre-K when she was 4. The problem with her was that she never wanted to miss anything to go potty and she would often wet her pants on the playground. The teachers also said she would refuse to go before they went outside. They almost suspended her from Pre-K for this. She finally got to where she stopped having accidents at school the last part of the year and we made it through. After that she did fine (I think her control got better with age). However, she is in K now (no accidents at school) but she will sometimes refuse to go or wait too long and have accidents at home now. This relapse just started in the last few weeks. Not much advise here, but I think some gifted kids are just too busy to want to stop for mundane things like going to the bathroom. Hopefully, he will outgrow this with maturity and/or peer pressure. Hang in there - it will get better.
As far as structured learning at school - that can be a very big problem in regular classroom for even HG kids - especially those who are more intense, outgoing, and stubborn like my GD. I would start visiting schools, asked to observe, and talk to them about how they will handle your son as early as possible.
Hopefully some here will have better suggestions.
