Sounds like you had a great plan and it just went south. We are still in the beginning phases of getting my DS an IEP so I feel your pain.
On the teachers side I feel her too. I taught in public schools for 10 years and I'm specially trained to teach multi-level classrooms and there is no way I could have done it all. The system has so many levels in one class it's a miracle anyone gets educated at all!
So for our IEP we are asking for a pull-out type program with some home schooling supplements. Not the exact perfect solution according to the experts and yet workable. Maybe your school would do something like that.
