I really think there is a lot to the choices thing. I was talking to a friend of a GT boy who is a year and a bit older than DS and she was explaining how he is still getting himself in a twist about the simplest choices. Go to a restaurant which chair do I sit on, which cookie do I want, which drink do I want, etc etc. At school in had a major meltdown about choosing which class responsibility he wanted for the week. Likes all the jobs and worried excessively that he might be missing out on something. She agreed about reducing his range of choices and given his age they decided that he would be given a choice of only two things in some circumstances and none in others. She's really pleased that it seems to be having the desired effect and reducing his stress levels.
Like the bit about what teachers get to decide and what parents do. In our case with it's what grown ups get to decide and what DS gets to decide! Nothing wrong with his assertiveness, but it is good he can do it with good manners. In his first few weeks of the new school he went up to one of the boys mother (who doesn't speak much English)and informed her that her son was being mean to him. I had to do a bit of smoothing with that one, but as usual DS was right he is a very mean boy!
It'll be good to hear how you go on.
S.
