Hi Trinity and acs,
I appreciate both your ideas. I would definitely love a second child. However, my husband and I are older parents and after several miscarriages, failed fertility treatments, a very difficult pregnancy with doctor's advice of termination, I think that attempting to have a second child would be very selfish indeed. Having Jon at all is already a huge miracle.
...
Thanks again.
Jon's mom
Jon's mom,
((hugs and tears))
Oh my dear, you have been through so much. You had to work so hard to bring Jon here. ((tears and pats))
Was this before Jon or since he's been with us?
((tears))
I feel sad that you have been though so much, and sorry that I brought up such a big topic so indelicately....
but here I go, indelicately charging ahead.
Because of my own history and because of the nature of giftedness itself, I can't seem to leave any stone unturned...and it is really hard on people, I know, but the ones who can take it find it very valuable. I'm guessing that you've read my old posts and know this about me by now. I'm guessing that for every new person who decides not to post because they don't want to hear me 'Trin-a-lize,' there will be someone who finally understands the battle that goes on inside their gifted child when the child feels compelled to do what they know is right, even when they know it can be painful to an other person - something that they don't want at all. I'm here shaking, with my fingers on the keyboard.
((bracing myself))
How much of Jon's anxieties are related to the reproductive history that surrounds him?
I find that with my DS11, he is so psychically tuned into to me, and me to him, that I really do have to "work on myself" to parent him the way I want to. The things you describe are mostly about not feeling safe in the world. Safety and Confidence are our natural state. It is very easy for this part of our nature to be hidden by the effects of hard times. Sharing the feeling that go along with these hard times restores our natural connection to Safety and Confidence. It always takes longer to do this than we would wish. Often, the hard times echo other unfaced hard times from our own childhood, or our parents' lives. It's a long road, but every step we take makes a huge difference in our daily lives.
How do you feel when you see Jon showing that he doesn't feel connected with his natural Safety and Confidence? How do you act? How does your DH feel and act? Journal, pray, talk and/or find an online support group for others who have been through similar. It is very unfortunate that you have had such hard times, but you are still completely able to make things go well for Jon. You can show him the way to trust in the universe.
I haven't seen much written about this. Sylvia Rimm has some thoughts on the mechanisms of how parenting a �miracle baby� can be tricky.
I try to follow my intuitions. Sometimes I land in the wrong pond. If this has nothing to do with your current situation, please accept my apologies. Sometimes I am posting for someone who hasn't even signed up yet, but is just silently reading along. That's why I didn't send you this in a private message, but do feel free to send me a private message if that feels more comfortable.
I care, and I intend for things to go well for you. Even if you do nothing, things will go well, but I totally understand wanting to make small shifts now to prevent having to make big course corrections later. Believe me, I am the Queen of �If I had only known then what I know now.�
Love and More Love,
Trinity
