Hi Jon's Mom,
Good for you for building such a secure nest for Jon! I'm glad you got to see your family in a book. I think everyone deserves that.
As for the fears, I think of highly gifted kids as though they haven't got the normal protection of skin that other kids seem to have. So the fears will be loud and deeply expressed. I remember my own son protesting vigerously at the movie "Fly Away Home" every time the Dad or the Girl got into the airplane. I don't remember how young he was, just that he could walk, and not talk much. (I had skipped ahead past the car crash while he was out of the room, for those of you who know the film) I really wanted to watch the uplifting movie about the girl who saves ducks. DS wasn't having any of it - wordlessly letting us know that he did NOT want to see that little girl fly in that little plane! We gave up trying to watch it, which I encourage you to do if Grover's flying produces a similar effect.
It helps me to re-read Pearl S. Buck on creativity:
The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: a human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him, a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create - so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.
Not all gifted kids are creative artist, but many have that exaggerated sensitiviy that is just "wired" into them from birth.
See Mellow Out, They Say. If I Only Could: Intensities and Sensitivities of the Young and Bright by Michael M. Piechowski which is aimed at parents of teens but terrific for understanding youself, your spouse, family members, and you son even now.
As far as your son wanting to do a head count, that does, to me, seem a normal reaction to his abnormal early awareness of the dangers of life as well as his own weaknesses. You may want to pick your battles here as you give in to his wishes, but gently lead him toward accepting you as the "in charge, responsible party."
Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (Paperback - April 1, 1998)
Is a classic guide to handling this type of quirk. I agree that finding a professional to help guide your parenting would be a nice resource to have.
It doesn't sound like he is having balance problems, or physical oversensitivities, such as being picky about tags in shirts and socks. Those quirks are often helped by occupational therapists. I'm guessing that reading stories of people who over come great obstacles is going to by your ticket through these fears. I think your Jon is going to need a differnt super-hero than Grover. ((wink)) You can start with "The little engine that could," but I think your son is going to want to hear about real life people.
Of course, one of the biggest differences you can make in your child's life involves deciding to have more kids. Is Jon an "only?" My DS is. If you Jon is an only, and there is a possibility of "more where he came from," I would encourage you to think in this direction.
Why?, well,in general, two of my favorite Mom-resources have said how useful it was. My reaction to raising my own "worried boy" was to shelter him from the stress of siblings and I didn't feel the urge until he was 5 years old. Turns out that sometimes siblings are similar enough that they can share so much with each other. They tend to be within 15 points of IQ, so there is much less of a spread than in a classroom of neighborhood. Mostly though, having more than one child limits the Mom's ability to "make everyone happy" all the time. It's as though having another child sends the message, "I believe in your ability to cope with this." Plus, protecting someone even younger is a great way to calm our own self, haven't you found that? I know I have.
Oh, and about your kid not wanting to play with other children. It isn't because he's an only, he just wants to play with people who can "play back." That part is totally normal. Some gifted kids like to play with younger ones who let them lead, or because they have more access to their immagination, but many many kids whan to play with kids on their mental level, not their birthday level.
I'd love to hear about what other folks think aboout these issues.
Trin
