This topic is close to what is on my mind too, Val. I'd like my children to feel connected to other people, so does moving, or changing schools or grades hurt that? I can see how a long shared experience could be a very nice thing to have. Yet, if someone is not fitting in, not feeling like they have peers, maybe a change will move them into a situation where they can connect with people better. (Maybe? I hope?)
Sadly, I have seen examples where HG+ people did stay with the same group all through school but grew up feeling alienated from everyone. That's something I'll be trying like crazy to avoid with my kids. I'm sure what works best is very personality and situation dependent though.
I agree about dependence on personality. Problems of alienation are why places like the Davidson Academy and other schools for gifted kids are so wonderful. The students at these schools don't miss out on age-level interactions, meet others like them, and are challenged academically.
The overall school system is obviously part of the problem. The low number of HG+ kids per school may be low, but in an any area with a biggish population, there are enough to populate a GT school (LA has IQ145+ schools, for example). And if you admit kids with IQ130+, almost anywhere should have sufficient kids for an Area GT school pulling kids from several proximate districts.
Going back to the driven-student thing, I remember various things in school that helped me learn that failing was okay. We had a winter carnival week every year and the high school classes would compete at various events; winners got points. At the end of the week, the class with the most points got a silly prize. In 9th grade, we realized we weren't as cutthroat about winning as the other classes, and began to revel in our failure ("We're #4! We're #4!). It was fun and a great lesson. One the flip side, a kid at my new school couldn't handle getting a B on an exam. He was a good friend and I had a lot of sympathy for him.
Tough questions.
Val
