Squirt - I wish I had an answer. If I had a nickel for every time that someone suggested timeouts lol... In DD7's case, the bad behavior involves lots of backtalk and "lying" (telling me she wants the opposite of what she really wants, or of whatever I ask her to do, just to be antagonistic, just to pick a fight, as in "no I don't want ice cream"), and she too is perfectly well behaved everywhere else. We still do time outs, but they usually involve me holding the door closed (to the laundry room/bedroom/large closet, whatever is available), so it's very time consuming and not always practical when I'm busy with the others. In desperation I have even threatened to wash her mouth out with soap, but that doesn't work very well (ok I admit to putting the soap on her lips, and she is afraid, but not enough afraid to make her stop the backtalk). For DD7, a good deal of this bad behaviour involves some sort of habit. It waxes and wanes, we've seen a nutritionist (who recommended all sorts of things; we did some controversial metabolic testing, tried supplements), tried little tricks here or there that I have found on the internet (e.g. epsom salt baths), etc., and of course the short, intensive program of OT at the Star Center about a year ago. Some things have seemed to help a little here or there, but there has been no magic bullet. What bothers me the most is not just the level of disrespect - since it's really more about her and not about me - but my fear that later in life, she might behave this way in important relationships, and that would be awful. My mother keeps saying things like "I wouldn't have stood for it" but I'm not sure what else to do. DD7's first pediatrician once remarked that she was the strongest-willed baby he had ever met.
Not wanting to do what I tell her to is a big part of it, and ironically I feel the same way about my mother as an adult (this is a complicated issue that really doesn't have anything to do with DD, at least as far as I can see) but I would have never dreamed of talking back to her as a child. With my own mom, my issues have to do with her not putting much stock in what I say, whereas she always listened to my oldest brother. And I'm smarter than she is - can I even say that out loud? - my sibs are pretty bright too but no one knows quite where it came from. My dad wasn't gifted as far as I can tell, so my mother must have had something in her somewhere that may have languished years ago. Now that I got off and running on a major tangent....
Anyway, no answers. I do think that sensitivities/OEs can involve tantrums, etc. so I think you may be on to something there. Once upon a time I put the question squarely to Dr. Lucy Jane Miller, author of "Sensational Kids", and she said they see a lot of gifted kids with SPD.
