We've had more than our share of death discussion this past year - 2 beloved great grandparents and a cat. This also brought up lots of questions about my father's death many years before they were born. I have 2 kids - DS7 & DD5.
One thing I did is google "children death". There is lots of good info on development and expected reactions - just jump to a little older child's description for some good hints.
The kids did not attend the GG's funerals due to the distance involved. I discovered that although DD4 (at the time) had an unusually mature understanding of the permanence of death, I had to be really careful how I explained things to her. When we talked about funeral she wanted to know all about the process so I explained graveyards, burial, caskets... This lead to the �what is a casket� question. I told her it was a box that you put the body in when you are getting ready to bury it. She thought about that for a while and asked me if you had to chop the body up in little pieces to make it fit in the box. I was initially appalled by the question, but it made a horrible kind of sense. She�s probably never seen a box big enough for a body. Eventually I showed pictures of the casket and the gravesite.
If I could have taken the kids to one of the funerals, I think I would have. Oddly enough, the cat�s death seems to have helped. We had a little ceremony in the backyard, and DD5 has mentioned a few times that the GG�s are buried like the cat. Participating in the cat's ceremony seems to have helped her understand that death is a natural ending to life, and that it's OK to be sad.
Got to go. She's up and demanding food.
