Okay parent, so your kid will either cure cancer or drop out of school and suffer from depression, all depends on whether or not you can get your stuff together. No pressure. lolol Gah, I need a drink and to get out of my head.
I totally understand this
I think you do have to up your parenting, but it's more about supporting their abilities and their interests, listening, and not assuming there is only one way to do things. If they feel valued and can pursue goals, depression and dropping out is probably less of a problem (fyi I dropped out of school in 9th grade, then went back and got my GED at 16, then went to college and got my degree - this stuff does happen. In fact my grandmother graduated high school at 16, and my mother as well, so I was doomed, right? :)). Anyway my DS was begging me to homeschool him in 3rd grade- he hated going to school everyday, even though he was at an exceptional elementary school. He is now at a highly gifted middle school and he told me the other day he loves his school. He doesn't feel weird anymore, and it's okay for him to be smart. I purposely chose a school that didn't feel super competitive (there was another school for highly gifted that was also very much about high achievement) because I didn't want him to be under too much pressure to perform. Now he is saying to me "this boy did better on the math test, I want to work harder at math so I can do as well as he did"…so he is pushing himself (setting his own goals) which is what I want him to do. Situational depression comes from feeling helpless and trapped. If you can keep opening windows and doors for your child when they are ready for them, they will learn that they can keep flying. Teach them how to open them themselves too
I think these kids have minds that don't stop. They aren't happy when their minds have nothing to do. That said, my brother finds meditation is very helpful as well. So learning how to feed the mind and quiet the mind are useful tools.
And regarding the cure cancer thing…. I have explained to my kids that being gifted is like being a tall kid that likes playing basketball. They have a genetic advantage over other kids, but they can still be outplayed by a shorter player that has better skills, teamwork, etc. Plus, there's an element of luck and being in the right place at the right time. AND if they grow up and don't want to play basketball anymore, that's okay too, as long as they continue to be productive and well adjusted people.
I think it is important to explain it to them that way because no one explained to me what gifted was, and even though no one put pressure on me to cure cancer, that does hang in the air and will make you feel guilty about "not fulfilling your potential."
And these forums have been a lifesaver for me. When I first found out my kids were highly gifted, I didn't believe it. I had to talk myself into it by looking at the facts (dad went to MIT, mom went to Stanford etc., both my parents extremely intelligent plus tester had been doing it for 20 years)… and I had to lather rinse repeat because I kept going back into denial. Plus the folks on here really helped me to understand what it all means.
So hang in there, I can tell you will do a great job because you are out there learning how to help YOUR child- not some generic child in a parenting book - that in my opinion is the cornerstone of great parenting.
