Hi, I am psyched to be redirected here, I posted on another topic (which I quoted below), which I trust many of you can relate with!
I found out that I may be gifted about 2 years ago. I was told so by a gifted person, and a mother of a gifted teen (I believe the mother herself was also gifted). It was quite a sickening experience to me, I spent a few days like a zombie. I read about other gifted people's experiences, which were creepily like reading my own biography. I read the book The Gifted Adult by Mary-Elaine Jacobson, and there is a long self-evaluation "test" (you might want to check that out), and my score was so high it didn't fit in the graph at all. It felt somehow validating, yes, but eventually I brushed the whole thing aside as some kind of mistake...
But I never felt better and recently I came out of a hermit phase and began meeting new people. This has high-lighted a contrast of some kind between myself and the others... and plunged me into a state of perpetual down feeling and frustration (I wouldn't call it depression). I got so desperate, went back to read more about giftedness, and with 2 years of distance, I realise now that I can identify myself very likely to be gifted.
It is so comforting to read I'm not alone...
Is there such a thing as a forum for gifted adults (that’s free)? All I can find are for parents with gifted children. I see things I struggle with are discussed here, though spanning over some years, I see.
I feel that for me the issue isn’t so much about whether others are “morons” or not, but this devastating isolation. I can give myself mental stimulation by reading, writing, etc., but nothing compares to the experience of being nurtured by evolving with like-minded people. I am increasingly shying away from social situations because not only is it one-dimensional (and it’s uncomfortable to feel that way about other people) but also there is a lot of power games, which is an utter waste of time, stupid, and in order to maintain any social contacts on peaceful terms, I find myself making myself appear stupider than them so that they won’t get competitive with me. Otherwise people regard me as some sort of a mentor. These are people who consider themselves creatives and intellectuals. I don’t consider myself such a smart person, I rather want to be guided and taught, but above all be equal to the others. It’s such a paradoxical feeling, exhausting.
Even my psychotherapist, who is not a bad therapist generally, unwittingly says things that are deflating, discouraging, and sometimes even insulting. I understand where he is coming from, it’s probably just that he is not the right therapist for people like me. He also thinks that I have a paranoia of *feeling* like I am always misunderstood. I don’t think it’s a “feeling”…
Who feels that a day is too short to read all the books and make music and experience nature and watch news and learn a language and ruminate over trivial things in their lives to magnify and expand their inner worlds, and then get paralysed by the avalanche of visions? Who feels that we are here with a purpose, no matter how small and hidden, and are driven to extend beyond personal fulfilment and contribute to the excellence of human civilisation? Who feels that humanity has not given itself enough words and wants to simply let themselves drop in the middle of a room at the impossibility of our existence? Where are the people with inspirations running through their veins?
I feel suffocated. It’s like I accidentally trapped myself in an upside down world. And the worst is when I convince myself that I am crazy.
