ITA with ConnectingDots, she really shouldn't be one of the oldest in her grade. If she is nine already and not otherwise socially challenged, grade skip her now. You should also add a year or two of subject acceleration in math, which should bring her to Pre-Algebra this year or next year as 6th grade is typically Pre-Algebra for the advanced/honors/GT track at many decent public schools. Obviously, the academics should still be too low for her but at least it will be closer to her level as well as enable her to get to higher level materials sooner. Even a NT kid with several days of private expert teaching a week will likely advance at least a couple of years of elementary math at this young age, much less a DYS level kid. There is no way that 3rd grade math isn't going to drive her crazy!
If perfectionism is an issue, I really recommend exposing her to math competitions such as the American Mathematics Competition series (AMC 8, AMC 10 and AMC 12) where it is extremely hard to earn a perfect score and where even the top 1% usually miss at least several problems out of 25. There were less than 100 perfect scores out of over 144,000 competitors for the 2015 AMC 8 in November. Both my younger kids (1 mathy and 1 not) competed in their first AMC 8 at age 9 so this is probably a good time for your DD to at least try out the old exams in a non-competitive setting (next competition is in November 2016).
