I had horrible nighttime fears well into my 20s. For me rational dismissals didn't help, because the fear itself was not rational. In fact, rational dismissals made me more upset because it was ignoring my fear, which was very real to me. I needed a cell phone I could call for help on, a window I could potentially climb out of, etc. so that I knew I could get help if I needed it.
I went though some therapy that helped me recognize the feeling of anxiety earlier and earlier. If I could catch it early enough, then I could apply some strategies before it spiraled out of control. This was mainly helpful during waking hours, but decreasing my overall anxiety helped lessen the general anxiety I took to bed with me.
I hope you find some help. I know this is terrible for both of you!
